Dear Aunt Flow:

No, this is not a picture of Aunt Flow, but thanks to Carly for visiting me and bringing me the best possible solution for my dilemma ever! She brought me this tonight. Mmmmm. I can't thank her enough. I'm eating a bowl of it now then it is off to bed. Aunt Flow can suck it.

Love Potion #31. Oh how I love and despise you all at once.

I want to get off please.

Ever feel like your life is a roller coaster and you enjoy the ride for a little bit, but then your tummy starts to hurt, and you feel your lunch coming back up and you keep trying to signal the attendant that you just want to get your butt off, but each time you roll back around they have their iPod stuck in their ears and they are rawkin' out so much that they can't see or hear you? So you just end up with puke all over your new jeans, and designer stilletos, and your favorite new blouse that you bought just to go to the grand opening of the latest ride?

Ya my tummy hurts and I just want to puke.

I feel like my entire life has been one huge, long roller coaster ride. Sometimes it is so great, I can handle the "tickle pee pee" feeling. I can take the hills one after another, the steep inclines and the sudden drops, but today, well today I just, want to get off, shower, and change my clothes.

I'm not even sure if I can pinpoint why I feel this way. I guess it is because it is Monday. I don't much like Monday. I got a somewhat rude e-mail from this person in my ward, basically telling me she can't do her calling if I don't do mine. People, people. I do my calling, sorry if I have been a little preoccupied lately. Then, I didn't get to talk to one of my favorite people today. That made me sad, but perhaps it is a good thing for both of us. I hope so. Then, everyone keeps asking me about LJ. It isn't that I mind sharing all the 411 about him, as much as I can anyway, but I dunno, something about his case makes me feel utterly helpless, totally sick and leaves me feeling like I am not cut out to be a foster mother because I love too much? Is that possible? He is still with us, but again, not for much longer...they tell me two weeks...but then again they said that three weeks ago. That's what I know for right now.

So, (you ask) what do you do to help yourself feel better during these trying times? Well, I go shopping. And not just any shopping. Shoe shopping. I bought two pairs today. D.I. is getting six of my old pairs tomorrow. I can't wait to wake up...shower...and put on my new pair and take the kiddos to the zoo. That's just what I need...get off the coaster and step in the rhino shiz. Wish me luck.

Today.

I feel like I haven't had a lot of time to get out and photograph the SPRING. I think spring may officially be gone, as I looked at the trees today they are all FULL of leaves. Man o man, where'd the time go? This top photograph was the ONLY photograph I took of blossoms. It is totally crap...soft focus. Oh well, it still says "spring" and I want to hold onto spring for as long as I can.

This one is just for fun, it is part of my "Top Secret" shoot that I can't really talk about, but I have no idea why...so I won't talk about it...but you can see for yourself how cool it must be.

I'm feeling...oh, reminiscent today. This is not usually my thang as I like to look to the future, always trying to plan my life down to the second. I guess it is all part of my "letting go" for the year. Words I haven't really thought of for a while...but need to remember more that my goal for this year was letting go.

I wish I could share more about little LJ's case. This week has been a rocky and rough one for me in terms of my feelings. My feelings about his situation, about his mom, about how much I wish and long for him. Through all the prayers and tears Heavenly Father has shown me the answers to "why" and has shown me that I will survive letting go of him. He'll be okay.

Not quite sure what this post was all about...just wanted to sit and let some thoughts flow. Have a good weekend everyone!

Sometimes...

...photography is a drug for me. It is very theraputic. I wish sometimes I could run outside and just shoot away. It wouldn't be too great right now, since it is one in the morning. But I just finished editing my last session and realized how much I love doing it. How much I have missed working. Feels good to be back doing it.

I feel like I am just now beginning to appreciate who I am as a photographer. While I look forward to where I will be five years from now, I can finally look at my work and really enjoy at least something from each session. There is something about it that is passionate, something that was missing that I didn't have before. I just see a lot of myself. Sometimes, I think I see the person I wish I was.

Just Now:

In regards to Emmaree playing with a bunch of gifts we have sitting here for Chelsia.

Me: "Emm, PLEASE don't touch that."

Emmaree: Proceeding to touch and touch and touch. (Very unlike her.)

Me: "Emmaree! Please don't touch those!"

Emmaree: "I "LJ"."

She was pretending to be LJ. She is a butt.

i heart mrs. r

(as well as this photo I swiped from her.)

Happy Day!

BAWLING.

Remember them?

They just became parents. Congratulations Andrew and Sarah.

Adoption is AMAZING.

My heart is full.

Thomas! (And his friends.)

True story:

Riding home from dinner tonight, I was sitting in the backseat with Jothan. Over the radio airwaves we hear this song of little kids singing about Gordon B. Hinckley.

Me: "Hey Joth, do you hear that song on the radio? They are singing about Gordon B. Hinckley."

Joth: Listening intently. "Oh ya Mom they are!"

Me: "You know that Gordon B. Hinckley died and went to live with Heavenly Father and Jesus, right?"

Joth: "Ya Mom, now there is another Gordon, named Thomas!"

Leave it to my little four year old to recognize that A: We have a new "Gordon" (prophet) and B: That in the show Thomas and His Friends (You know which Thomas I speak of...) There is an engine named Gordon, and an engine named Thomas. I would have never put those two together.

Little Man, you totally RAWK, I love you so much!

CONGRATULATIONS JAKE AND JULIE!!

(They just found out they are expecting their first baby/babies...Due in January.)

Love you Julz!

This kid has personality.

Sometimes...sometimes, I think that LJ is out to get me. Sometimes I think that he doesn't take a nap when the other kids are, just because he knows how much I need that hour to myself. Sometimes, I think he needs that time with me, with someone, and sometimes the things he does just make me LAUGH out LOUD. Things like this:

(Sorry about the creepy black box...I got creative because I am dying to post about this.)

When I went into his room for the tenth time yesterday to make sure he was lying in bed, not taking every last bit of clothing out of the drawers, he must have heard me coming, because I saw him running to his bed wearing this snazzy attire. How could I be upset? I let him up, took a few photos and put him back to bed. I made the mistake of putting the tie and hat away...and he had them on within two minutes of me putting him down again.

Little Dude...you bring sunshine. I hope you always know how much you are loved.

He gets to spend the weekend with Mom. I take him to her in the morning. I've been a little teary today. But thankful that he can be safe with his family again soon.

My Friend

She came over today. I just love her and her little Liv to absolute pieces. I miss seeing them often. Do you remember them?

Thanks for stopping by today Wend. It was a great excuse to sweep the floor. ;)

Just proof that when you come and visit me, and visit my blog, you just might be rewarded.

Today I was bored...

So I got out the camera and took photos of the only child that would cooperate. I love her uber much. She is such a ham.

"Take a pitcha' of my hands!" (I did...I just liked this one better!)

"Give me a BIG smile Memm!"

Good times.

I took some of the other kids...but that memory card is locked in the car...far away from here. Hopefully tomorrow!

Remember that Blast to the Past Night?!

That our ward had a few weeks ago? I just came across the photos...hilarious. I wish ours were better, but I had someone else take them and they are not in focus at all...anyway... Love these ladies that I serve with...it has been THE best calling for me!
I can't believe it, but Flavio used to dress like this. So thankful that was before I met him.
Look at my ghetto hair! I can't believe I couldn't get it any higher...good thing that I don't have to get it that big now!
Me and my cute husband. LOVE you to pieces Dude!
So fun to blast to the past and relive some of those old memories.

Birth Mother's Day!

I had the most incredible day. Today we had a luncheon for the birth mother's from our agency. I am always blown away by the spirit in the room on this special day. I love meeting new people, seeing friends and listening to the stories of adoption, and the miracles that are wrought through these strong, beautiful, and amazing women.

Amanda asked a sweet girl from her neighborhood to come and sing for us. I was BLOWN away and had to wipe tears from my eyes. An amazing experience.

My heart has been truly touched today. I just wanted to remember. I am so lucky to be a part of FSA, the people I have met, the lives that have been touched. WOW.

Oldie but goodie...

Because a post isn't a post without a photograph!

I have been thinking a lot today about the past two months. How much our lives have changed, how much we have learned, how much we have grown. I am really thankful for all of the trials, the heartache, for the blessings. My heart is deeply touched and sincerely humbled in ways that I am not even sure I can express right now.

One thing I have learned is to SLOW DOWN. I never realized how much time I was missing from myself, and my family until I had to STOP and TAKE time for us, for myself. I feel like a different person, I like the changes I have made. I feel like I have grown closer to my husband, to our children. I have learned to be a better mother through having LJ in our home. I have learned that I am not as patient as I would like to be, and through it all I have learned patience.

I have learned that Heavenly Father is AMAZING...I know there is a higher power in this Universe. I know that he is mindful of each one of us. I have seen it witnessed to myself over the past few months, and it is incredible.

I'm just really happy. I'm really thankful. I just wanted you to know that.

Best Budds

I am constantly amazed by how well these two get along with one another. I snapped this a few weeks ago after Memms woke up from a nap, and I caught the two of them cuddling on the bean bag chair in front of Curious George. They are dynamite. Love them to bits and bits.

Little LJ is still with us. Foster Care is such a roller coaster, because the state has no idea what is really going on, so they tell me one thing and another thing happens...so I figure for the most part I am done with updates. ;) He's here, we're loving on him and that is that. The latest word is maybe next week? So, we'll see.

Our weekend was very busy. I felt like it was SUPER busy and that I let a few of my very close friends down. We missed a wedding and a baby blessing. We are usually so great about getting to the places we need to get...but didn't do so great this weekend.

Yesterday Hubbs was called to be our new Ward Clerk. I don't know why but this seems like such a HUGE calling to me. It means I have to be a better support to him than I have been in the past, and that I will be wrestling the little ones on my own during Sacrament Meeting. We are excited for this new adventure and I know that Hubbs will enjoy it as well. He loves working with his "paper"...so he'll do just fine.

Well...that is about it for us. Hope your week has started out wonderfully!

iTunes Shuffle Challenge

I've been challenged to an iTunes Shuffle Challenge. Bear yourself and tell the world the first 16 songs that appear when you shuffle your iPod. Here are mine:

Samson--Regina Spektor

Us--Regina Spektor

The Remedy--Jason Mraz

Me and You--Barry Louise Polisar

Up the Spout--Mateo Messina

1234--Feist

Ordinary Day--Vanessa Carlton

Umbrella--Rhianna

Merry Happy--Kate Nash

Never Too Late--Three Days Grace

First Time--Lifehouse

Hey There Delilah--Plain White T's

Waiting on the World to Change--John Mayer

Dreaming With a Broken Heart--John Mayer

Somewhere Over the Rainbow--Isreal Kamakawiwo'ole

Stop and Stare--One Republic

Enjoy!

Potty Training Day 1

Today was the official Day 1. Don't worry I won't update you everyday...as with past experience I'm sure I may have to take a break and start fresh again...I wasn't sure I was going to do it, until I realized that she's probably ready if I put forth the effort. She did really great on Monday afternoon, totally went in the potty all evening. Today, well she held it in a lot. We sat on the potty about a bajillion times.

True Story:

So, today I was home ALL day with LJ and Memm. I was on top of LIFE. I was a good little mum. Talked to the kids, folded laundry all day, took Memm to the potty the bajillion times we spoke of. LJ went on a visit with his Grandpa so I decided to run a few quick errands and left Hubbs with Memm. Hubbs was downstairs with STRICT instructions to ask Memm if she needed to potty and to TAKE her every once in a while.

I get home about 1.5 hours later to Memm walking up the stairs from the basement. She says to me:

"Mom, I poot in my calcinha." (Mom, I pooed in my panties.)

"Memm, why didn't you tell Daddy that you needed to poop on the potty?"

"Daddy watching TV."

Rolling on the floor laughing my butt off. You should have seen the look of guilt on Hubb's face. Needless to say he had to change the Pull Up.

Bringing me to my final thought for the evening. Pull Ups oddly enough did work for Jobby. I'm hoping they will for Memm too. Right before bed she tells me, "These are not diapers, they are panties." We'll see how tomorrow goes.

Potty Training. Gah.

Just Now:

In regard to "Pull Ups Training Pants".

Me: "Okay Memm, let's not get these underwear wet or dirty...we don't want to get the princesses yucky."

Memm: "It's not a underwear, it's a diaper."

She's smarter than I realized.

My heart melts...

...sometimes with this little boy. Tonight he says to me, "Mom, I'm LJ's big brother huh?"

Totally litte man...you are. One of THE best big brothers EVER.