Getting Results

***Originally posted to the Shredding with Simply Me blog. If you would like access to that blog, and are interested in losing weight or sharing your weight loss stories, photos, triumphs, as well as struggles, please email me: kimsueellen[at]gmail[dot]com and I would be happy to give you access. We have room for about 25 more readers.***

Friends. I had to share some good news. When I measured in this week I finally saw some tremendous (for me) results from the last time I measured in about 3 weeks ago.

I had lost 1/2" from each thigh, 1/4" from each calf, 1/4" from each bicep. So I have lost a total of 5" from my entire body since Jan 1, 2011.

This was a huge step for me. Since my last blog post, I have not done anything different. You know the post, the one where I cry about hovering at 188.2. Well yesterday I weighed in at 186.4. This puts me at having lost 14.75 total. My highest weight was 205. I didn't start counting weight loss until I was at 200lbs. I am thinking if I want to sound incredible I should count that 5 extra pounds just to say I have lost 20lbs. *giggle*

I have also 'grown out of' two size 17 jeans (I know, I know that is a junior size) as well as almost completely not being able to wear 2 size 14 (misses size) jeans. I went to the Old Navy clearance rack yesterday and pulled off a size 12 super nervous as to whether they would fit, and guess what? They fit perfectly. Like a glove. Not a tight glove, but a nice, sweet glove. My bumm looks TOTALLY hot in them. Please comment on it's hotness the next time you see me wearing them.

I don't write this to boast, but to share with you. I have not seen any sort of change or result in my body since November. Nothing. It has been disheartening at times, and I have, of course wanted to give up. I have pushed through, and while this may be a temporary slide in the right direction, I know I am going to hit other roadblocks and long plateaus. I just need to realize that all of those things can be pushed through, and once again I will be able to see something wonderful and beautiful on the other side. Defining who I am by what I am inside is far more important that what I look like on the outside. However, it is a beautiful place to be reflecting the beauty in both areas.

I don't want to talk about 'goals' or specifically what my 'goals' are. Sometimes I feel like goals are so abstract, and intangible. I am keeping with my goal to lose 5lbs at a time. Ultimately, I would love to see the number 140 on my scale. It is a good number for my height and frame. I would love to be able to wear a size 8 jean. I would be content at these numbers. For now, I am embracing this size 12 body and I am going to love her and carry her with grace and sophistication.

xoxo

***Edited to say that with the encouragement of a few close people in my life, especially Em, I am going to run with the fact I started at 205. I am not as ashamed to admit that now as I was at the time, I have personal journal entries to prove how much of a dark place I was in. I was in complete denial, therefore pretended it wasn't real. It was. It was very very sad. Sigh. So, here we go. Down 20. Feels good. Really good. ***

Honesty.

Days like today I wish I hadn't been quite so honest.
(I am laughing as I write that.)

	First Week:	Last Week:	This Week:
Weight:	195	193.4	193.8
Neck:	14.5”	14”	14”
Bust:	40.5”	39.75”	39.75”
Bicep:	14”	13.75”	13.75”
Waist:	41.5”	36”	36”
Buttocks:	47”	46”	46”
Thigh:	27”	26.75”	26.75”
Calf:	15.25	15”	15”

I was REALLY hoping to come here with better numbers.
They just aren't there.
I have a million excuses. Stress, my period, not my normal routine, etc...etc.

Excuses are not going to help me fight this.

I feel renewed.
This week will not be much different than last week.
What will be different is that I am going to fight harder.

Sometimes honesty sucks.
Today is one of those sometimes.

:(

Please no pats on the back today.
What I need is a good can of whoop-A.

Checking In

My 'weighing in' day is Monday.

I have had a pretty busy week and wasn't able to check in on Monday.
I decided on Monday also that I would only take photos every other week.
Mostly because my husband is hard to find and I was too tired to change into my
'hideous outfit' on Monday.

Anyway, my stats:

	Last Week:	This Week:
Weight:	195	193.4
Neck:	14.5”	14”
Bust:	40.5”	39.75”
Bicep:	14”	13.75”
Waist:	41.5”	36”
Buttocks:	47”	46”
Thigh:	27”	26.75”
Calf:	15.25	15”

Before you all get too excited, I measured myself first thing in the morning
(which I will continue to do every Monday when I wake up.)
I think that is the main difference in the measurements.
I'll take it though.
Also I really feel like my back fat has diminished.
I relate most of these differential measurements on the fact I am de-toxing with water and healthier foods.
Anyway, these are all theories.

I lost 1.6 pounds. Exactly on target with myfitnesspal.

Do I wish it was more?
Of course.

Am I thankful this is the right and healthy way to do this?
YES!

xoxo

Let's get this party started!

(The first of many installments of Clip Art Craziness by J-Dawg. My kid is a freaking genius. Just so we are all aware. His work is copyrighted, but please feel free to use any of his images for personal use.)

Friends!

I have started a private blog for all of you who would like to join me on this journey.
I know some of you are not quite ready, but I would like to invite you anyway.

Leave me a comment on this post with your e-mail address, and I will send you author permissions to write to the 'journey' blog:

Shredding with Simply Me

Blog will go private after Thursday, when I start e-mailing permissions to author.

I want this to be a community where we can feel comfortable to share photos, weight loss goals and struggles as well as support and cheering and 'hurrays'!

As soon as the blog goes private I will share a bit more
(on that blog)
what I would like everyone to share.

As for this blog?
You will all get to see photos of me every other week, as well as a weigh in/measurement check.

Thanks for being SO supportive guys.
It has helped me eat better, work hard, wake up earlier, and go to bed sooner.
Also, THANK YOU for the
http://www.myfitnesspal.com/
referral...holy smokes, all of my journey friends need to sign up there
NOW
(and add me as a friend)
it will change your life!
(Channel the likes of FREE Weight Watchers.)

I am on this road and I am going to burn. it. up!

xoxo

Where is my 'heart'?

I think I lost it.

Somewhere between the painful year 2008 until now.

2 years is a really long time to not 'feel' anything.
I wish sometimes I could go back and not have to live through the pain. I wish I could have enjoyed a few things better, like my workshops, Hawaii, my family. March of 2008 was such a turning point for me. It is so emotional just talking about it. I met with a new friend today and all but bawled talking about how much has changed since then.

I wish I had known how to deal with my grief in a more positive way.
I got caught up in myself. SO selfish. I am not a selfish person. I hate selfish people. I have hated myself.
As much as my heart breaks for this family...she has helped me through SO much, more than I could ever tell her, and how thankful I am to know her IRL.
Thanks Nat.

The past four months have been a whirlwind.
I made the choice on December 30 that I would make the transition back to shooting film. I have made drastic changes in my life, saved a lot of money...and still in the process of doing so. By making these decisions I am finding my heart again.
My inner peace, my solace, myself.

I plan on sharing some stuff with you guys in the near future, stuff that I need to share and to account for so that I can continue to find my heart, my changed heart and try to mold it back into what it once was. Part of it has to deal with my weight. Another part my weaning off of my depression meds. 2 months strong and I am FEELING again. WOW. I will share the good and the bad with that.

I feel like I have been living under a sheet for two years. I am coming out of a fog, and I want to share my journey with you as I depart from the dense into the light.

Join me.

Until next time...

"Weight a second, I can do this!"

This is a post about confessions.
It is not a post I want to be writing, but have had it going through my mind for the past few weeks, and it is one that I must write.

Remember how I have been training for the half marathon?

I haven't been blogging about it much, because, well I am a schlub.
While I have been training and running in the bitter cold, and battling illness,
and a few weeks being unable to train because of it, I have pushed through it.
The problem I am having right now though?
Tendonitis.
Like Tendonitis on steroids.

It is bad.

I described it earlier like walking on razor blades.

When I run for more than three miles I literally cannot walk for DAYS.
I feel like I am 90 years old and I can honestly not walk faster than
the older ladies at the gym on these days.
My workouts have been really rough on me, I walk a lot when I should be running.

Because of these things, and my husband noticing we discussed the
possibility of me not running the half.

When I put it out to the world, I got a handful of e-mails telling me I must do it!
That I am inspiring (thank you) and that regardless of my decision,
I would be supported either way.

Well, I have decided that I will do it.
I cry when I think about all the miles I have put in already, I just can't NOT do it.
I just won't run or train the three days this week...and hope and pray for the best on Saturday. Oh please...pray for my feet.

Part of me knows the reasons why I have had SUCH a hard time.
Here is a picture of me shortly before the last time I ran a half:



Yes, that is my bestie Casey...if you haven't met her yet you MUST at the CBC in May.

I am too prideful to show you a picture of what I look like now.

I love this picture.
That girl on the left was in a MUCH better place.
Well, sort of.
Mentally she was dealing with a lot of shee, but physically she was
30lbs
lighter than I am right now.
did I just admit that out loud?

I know that is why I am struggling.
My body hates me.
I am really struggling to shed any weight since having Millz, and that is not helping me mentally with this race...let alone physically.

If any of you are runners, then you know that the mental part of running is JUST as,
if not more important than the physical aspect.

The past two years were really hard. Things are SO good now.
I hope that sharing this small part of me will give me the courage to continue on my road to losing this extra weight I have hanging on me, so the next time I run a half...
I will be much better prepared for it.

Love you guys, thank you for continually inspiring me!
I CAN do hard things, and I will!
(totally going to buy myself that necklace when I cross the finish line.)

After the race, let's talk about what will happen when I shed 40 of those
30 extra pounds shall we?

See you at the finish line.

Of Old Ladies ,Teenagers and er Thirty Somethings.

I started the training for this today.

I. am. beat.

Due to the freezing cold temperatures here in my hometown, I have had to resort to getting a membership to our local family fitness center.
I ran on an indoor track today.

One mile is 11 times around the track.

That is 33 laps.

Thirty. Three.

My mind is still numb.

There has to be a better way.
Pedometer.

Until then, it will be me, my iPod, and the numbers going through my head...
lap 1...lap 2...lap 3...etc...

While I am certainly tired, I am excited to be on this journey again.
I had forgotten how much I love running for the sheer ME time it allows.

There is something about spending an hour or more with yourself,
meditating and conversing.
(Is it possible to meditate while running?)

I was able to release a lot of pent up frustration and problem solve a few things.

When I wasn't problem solving, I kept my eye on the random
mop buckets strewn about the track.
Three to be exact.
They were red.
Were they there because the roof happens to have leaks at those particular points?
Or perhaps they were there in case someone needed to puke?
(I would be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind that I may have to puke in them...I actually have been feeling all day the need to puke since my three miles this morning.)

Random.

Other thoughts?

How come that girl who looked to be about 13 was out lapping me repeatedly?
Every time she would pass me, I just kept thinking...
"I am almost 30." "I don't got it anymore."
PROOF I am getting...eek O-L-D

Then...toward lap 25 an older lady with silver hair pushing a walker got on the track...and for the next 8 laps, it felt SO good to pass her repeatedly.

Pathetic
is having 13 year old pass BOTH me and the old lady at the same time.
I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen.

What are you all up to after all the holiday goodness?

Back to Work--

--ing Out.

I had about two weeks to work out hard between having Millz and before my surgery,
which put me out from almost no exercise for another six weeks.

It has been hard on me.

The last four months have just been one lazy, messy, day after another. Last week was the week when the red light turned to green, which meant I needed to get my lazy ars off of the couch...
(not that it spends much time there anyway with three little ones.)

So, Friday I started my exercise routine, three weeks before I start training for THIS.
(still waiting on word if I got in though, cross your fingers.)
It is not too late to get in on it too...sign up for the lottery...training starts Dec 27!
Get your super fab shirts here.

Anyway, today I tried the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.

Holy Bananas.

I got this DVD for a STEAL only $10 on a Target sale (my fave store) and holy mother.

I hurt.

I never realized 20 minutes could hurt so good.

I think I just might be able to get back into this work--ing out thing again.

As for 'real' work?
Ya I've been doing that too.

Check it out here.

Huggs.

Announcement

First, go and watch this.

Second, I have an announcement.

Third, I want you to join me.

AT THIS.

(mrs. r is coming, and so is the gilded pear.)

Easily Distracted, Migraines and Progresso

I am easily distracted cuz I should be working, actually I finally got my work done but have been dying to blog. It is never a good idea to have the Internet on while you work. Anywho...

A few weeks ago, as I was sitting in church, one of my dear friends MJ who was seated behind me looks at me with big eyes and says,

"Kim! Your face is so skinny, have you lost weight?!"

I looked behind me and scanned the room, certain she was talking to some other Kim. When I finally realized indeed she was talking to ME...I laughed at her and joyously accounted to her that she must be mistaken, but thanked her for the nice compliment.

As I went home that evening, I thought about what she had said, I looked in the mirror and while to myself, the image hadn't changed, the scale said otherwise. What is the difference you ask? Well, I shall tell you.

Back in early December, after reading this article and this article (I don't care if you are LDS or not, you should read it...some good stuff!). After reading these particular articles I vowed never to put caffeine in my body ever again. ('cept for maybe the occasional Excedrin Migraine or two.)
Of. Course.

I hadn't really noticed that it was making a difference to my body, I wasn't a heavy drinker of such beverages as the Dr. Pepper and Pepsi and such, but much more that I would have liked to have had.

At the time of my swearing it off, I began to suffer some SEVERE headaches. Let's talk, 5 or so migraines a month (please people, don't be concerned, I have discussed them with a doctor, it runs in my family, yes I look for triggers, yes I know there is medication but at this time I am choosing not to die of a stroke, because I can handle five migraines a month (I think.) So, lucky me, having migraines I was also puking my guts out five days of the month.
(Not fun. Blowing chunks NEVER recommended.)

SO...I got to thinking, heck I am prolly losing weight with all the puking, the lack of soda in my diet and my new love...which is the entire point of this post:

PROGRESSO

I love me the Progresso. I was first introduced to it by this lady. I am hooked.

Why do I love it so? Well, because there is a vast variety of "Weight Watchers" approved choices, 0 and 1 point options. Am I on Weight Watchers? H no...but if anything says Weight Watchers on it, it has got to be good right?

Holy delicious vegetables. Scrumptious. This has been my lunch of choice for days and days and days and days and days. One can is TWO servings and I eat them both. My body has never relished in so much vegetable goodness since, well, EVER!

So, if these three things can make my face "look" skinny and keep the scale down, well then I highly recommend trying it.
(Well, prolly not the migraines or the puking so much...but try the other two.)
Let me know how it goes.

And let's be honest. The entire reason I am writing this is because I am hoping
Betty Crocker
sends me a year supply of the Progresso.

Hear me Betty?

I am waiting.

Budget, Fudget, Mo Mudget...

Oh how I hate thee...let me count the ways. Oh wait, this post isn't about that. It is suppose to be about the "freedom" I am feeling with my budget. (Cough, cough, lie, lie.)

But 'fer realz' people let me educate you on the ways of my last month of budgeting.

It all started when the economy started going all crazy like. My husband, well, you know he helps people find and sell houses. He loves his job. He is THE best at it. With the economy the way it is, and with all of the mortgage lenders going kaput and struggling, it has really hurt the housing industry hard. That goes for all the little people involved too, from plumbers to electricians, etc. So, so, so sad really. :( Frowny face.

So, Hubbs and I sad down and had THE. TALK. The talk we have had for eight years. The one that inevitably tells me that I can no longer visit Target. The one that I know means I can no longer "wander" aimlessly through Wal-mart for hours while "grocery shopping". Ug. It came down to this: "Do you want our kids to have a roof over their heads?"

Cry. Cry. Cry. Commence me FREAKING...and realizing that something had to be done. (I didn't have the best spending habits, if I saw something I wanted or THOUGHT I needed, well heck I bought it. This included luxuries large and small.) This also brought up the fact that my business was in fact helping our family in little ways, and that for us to be able to stay in our home, I would have to stop giving such great deals to everyone. Which is SO hard for me because I photograph for the love, but now I MUST photograph for the need. I feel SO blessed at this time to have this gift, that it is blessing my family enough to put food on the table while hubby scraps up enough to pay our house payment. (You all know how this is though, because WE ARE ALL FEELING THE CRUNCH!)



Anyway, back to the positive of my budgeting.

For a little over a month, I have been on THE strictest budget EVER. I won't go into details as I believe finances are very personal, and each family is different, and no one can truly understand how someone gets from point a to point b. I just hope to inspire someone else out there who had my same PROBLEM of over-spending and 'retail therapy'. Oh how many days did I walk the isles of Target to soothe my fat butt and aching heart?

BUT GUESS WHAT?!!! In the past month I have been able to:

• Not walk into a store unless I know exactly why I am walking in, what I am going to buy and if I even need to buy anything.
• I have discovered how amazingly and totally awesome the Salvation Army store by my house is. Dood, guys, it is AWESOME!
• I have probably saved my family $1000.00. I am not joking. Not.
• Shot 10 sessions before the month is through.
• Without realizing it, I haven't taken my anti-depressant for TWO WEEKS.
• And best of all, remember this? I finally saw that EXACT same number again this week. It has been FOUR months. I am proud.
• We got a FRONT YARD. (Post to come...post to come.)

Coincidence? I think not. I think there is something truly powerful to be said about being in control of one's life. I am happy. Striving to live my religion has blessed us tremendously as well. Tithing has always been SUPER important to us, and now I feel we are seeing a blessing in our lives for having always paid it.

There are times when of course I feel like a slave to my pocketbook. I am sad when I can't just join my friends out to eat all the time. But, I am happier, my kids are happier. And of course, HUBBS is happier. :)

All the training comes down to this...

We had our annual physical exams. Don't get all excited...LUCKILY for me I didn't have to complete "the" exam...I got lucky and get to wait a few more months...YAY!

But it was an exam complete with blood work and urinalysis to make sure I don't have cancer, thyroid problems (dang it...wish there was some excuse this weight is sticking), or high cholesterol. Luckily (again) for me everything is A-OK! For this I am thankful. Our doctor was SUPER kind to me. He was VERY encouraging, he said my weight is great, my blood workup is great, and to just keep up the RUNNING! He encouraged me to try to run a marathon...he is just so impressed with what I have been accomplishing, he just said I need to drag Hubbs out with me more often...

So, anyway, tomorrow is THE BIG DAY!

Got my amphipod, my gu, and my new running shoes...and of course my HOTT homemade tank...ready to go. Pictures to follow.

Love you all, thanks for the encouragement, can't wait to see how many hours it takes me. (Pretty sure it will be at least three!) That is my goal anyway.

See you at the finish line!

Dear Mr. Scale:

I ran 21 miles this week. And you treat me like this? I no longer trust you. You sick, sick man.

Dear Scale:

I hate you. Therefore I will not accept what you have told me today.

See you next week.

So it begins...

167.8