(Be assured there are LOTS of pictures of the other kids too. Those to come soon.)
Showing posts with label LIVE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LIVE. Show all posts
Monday, September 28, 2009
Monday, June 08, 2009
School Daze --"And I Was a B"
James* and me circa 2000
(Not the name he goes by, I love to protect the innocent. Heart you James.)
So, do ya'll recall that time I mentioned about the TI 89 in Mr. Reynolds class?
I am here to further detail the horror that was this particular mathematics class for me. New girl, new school, knows NO ONE...sits next to amazingly cute James.
James and I became SUPER great friends.
I think in some ways James and I were in similar boats, we kind of both left a lot of our friends behind to go to a new school. James started eating lunch with me and my friend Candie.
So we got to know each other really well.
The one thing James had going for him that I didn't...
was that his sister was SUPER beautiful and SUPER popular, and also a Student Body Officer...
...so I think that helped him transition better than I did.
Since high school is SO large and full of SO many people and different clubs and stuff, James and I mostly just talked during our Algebra class.
(I think it was Algebra...James is super smart and just graduated as a Pharmacist...see he was SUPER good at math.)
Anyway, this one particular chapter in the book was a struggle for seemingly EVERYONE in the class.
We had a test coming up and I studied for it and studied for it to no end,
as did James.
The day comes for the test and we all take it with palms sweating and our little index card full of notes.
A few days later Mr. Reynolds, lisp and all hands back the tests to each of us...and I look at my score (it was a GOOD score) and with a HUGE smile on my face turn to James to see how well he had done...
...the entire time knowing he would have it ACED and would have it down.
We concur.
Here is where it went wrong, and hell as we know it broke loose.
I did better than James did on the test.
WHAT?!!
For the first time in months...
...I DID BETTER THAN JAMES ON A TEST?! IN MATH?!
So instead of being the sweet person I normally was, I start RUBBING in the fact that I did better than James.
Even worse, it carries over into lunch time, and my pride gets the better of me, and in front of many people, I begin to declare my smartiness over James'.
It got so bad.
SO BAD.
James has had enough and he yells,
"YOU ARE SUCH A B****!"
...in front of EVERYONE.
(wouldn't you have done the same thing?)
I was crushed.
Yet, I deserved it more than ANYTHING.
James and I didn't talk for months.
I don't even think we talked until the next school year.
I finally fully understood the error of my ways, and apologized for being such a biznatch.
James apologized too, and our friendship was what it was before.
I love me my James.
We are still friends to this day, albeit through facebook mostly.
That is okay, I am thankful to know such a smart and talented young man...
...and through the horror of being called a 'B' in front of many of your friends,
I learned a valuable lesson:
Pride goeth before the biznatch.
(Not the name he goes by, I love to protect the innocent. Heart you James.)
So, do ya'll recall that time I mentioned about the TI 89 in Mr. Reynolds class?
I am here to further detail the horror that was this particular mathematics class for me. New girl, new school, knows NO ONE...sits next to amazingly cute James.
James and I became SUPER great friends.
I think in some ways James and I were in similar boats, we kind of both left a lot of our friends behind to go to a new school. James started eating lunch with me and my friend Candie.
So we got to know each other really well.
The one thing James had going for him that I didn't...
was that his sister was SUPER beautiful and SUPER popular, and also a Student Body Officer...
...so I think that helped him transition better than I did.
Since high school is SO large and full of SO many people and different clubs and stuff, James and I mostly just talked during our Algebra class.
(I think it was Algebra...James is super smart and just graduated as a Pharmacist...see he was SUPER good at math.)
Anyway, this one particular chapter in the book was a struggle for seemingly EVERYONE in the class.
We had a test coming up and I studied for it and studied for it to no end,
as did James.
The day comes for the test and we all take it with palms sweating and our little index card full of notes.
A few days later Mr. Reynolds, lisp and all hands back the tests to each of us...and I look at my score (it was a GOOD score) and with a HUGE smile on my face turn to James to see how well he had done...
...the entire time knowing he would have it ACED and would have it down.
We concur.
Here is where it went wrong, and hell as we know it broke loose.
I did better than James did on the test.
WHAT?!!
For the first time in months...
...I DID BETTER THAN JAMES ON A TEST?! IN MATH?!
So instead of being the sweet person I normally was, I start RUBBING in the fact that I did better than James.
Even worse, it carries over into lunch time, and my pride gets the better of me, and in front of many people, I begin to declare my smartiness over James'.
It got so bad.
SO BAD.
James has had enough and he yells,
"YOU ARE SUCH A B****!"
...in front of EVERYONE.
(wouldn't you have done the same thing?)
I was crushed.
Yet, I deserved it more than ANYTHING.
James and I didn't talk for months.
I don't even think we talked until the next school year.
I finally fully understood the error of my ways, and apologized for being such a biznatch.
James apologized too, and our friendship was what it was before.
I love me my James.
We are still friends to this day, albeit through facebook mostly.
That is okay, I am thankful to know such a smart and talented young man...
...and through the horror of being called a 'B' in front of many of your friends,
I learned a valuable lesson:
Pride goeth before the biznatch.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Opposition
****
Author Unknown
****
Cripple him, and you have
Sir Walter Scott
Lock him in a prison cell and you have
John Bunyan
Bury him in the snow of Valley Forge, and you have
George Washington
Raise him in poverty and you have
Abraham Lincoln
Subject him to bitter religious strife, and you have
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The only president to serve four terms in office
Burn him so severely in a school house fire that doctors say he will never walk again, and you have
Glen Cunningham,
who set the world record in 1934 for running the mile in 4 minutes 6.7 seconds
Deafen a genius composer and you have Ludwig von Beethoven
Drag him more dead than alive from a rice paddy and you have
Rocky Blyer,
running back for the great 1970 decade Pittsburgh Steelers
Have them born in a society filled with racial prejudice, and hatred
and you have
Booker T. Washington,
Harriet Tubman,
and Martin Luther King Jr.
Have him born in a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down at age 4, and you have
Itzhak Pearlman,
the incomparable violinist
Call him retarded and write him off as uneducated, and you have
Albert Einstein
Amputate the cancer ridden leg of a young Canadian and you have
Terry Fox,
who ran half way across Canada on an artificial leg
Take both legs away from him and you have
Douglas Bader,
an RAF fighter pilot who was captured three times by Germans and escaped three times on artificial limbs
Label him too stupid to learn and you have
Thomas Edison
Blind him at the age of 44 and you have
John Milton,
who 16 years later, wrote The Great Paradise Lost
Call him dull, hopeless, and a flunk out of school in the 6th grade, and you have the famous statesman
Winston Churchill
Tell a boy who loves to draw that he has no talent, and you have
Walt Disney
Spit on Him, mock Him, humiliate Him, betray Him, and crucify Him, and He forgives you...
****
Author Unknown
****
Cripple him, and you have
Sir Walter Scott
Lock him in a prison cell and you have
John Bunyan
Bury him in the snow of Valley Forge, and you have
George Washington
Raise him in poverty and you have
Abraham Lincoln
Subject him to bitter religious strife, and you have
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The only president to serve four terms in office
Burn him so severely in a school house fire that doctors say he will never walk again, and you have
Glen Cunningham,
who set the world record in 1934 for running the mile in 4 minutes 6.7 seconds
Deafen a genius composer and you have Ludwig von Beethoven
Drag him more dead than alive from a rice paddy and you have
Rocky Blyer,
running back for the great 1970 decade Pittsburgh Steelers
Have them born in a society filled with racial prejudice, and hatred
and you have
Booker T. Washington,
Harriet Tubman,
and Martin Luther King Jr.
Have him born in a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down at age 4, and you have
Itzhak Pearlman,
the incomparable violinist
Call him retarded and write him off as uneducated, and you have
Albert Einstein
Amputate the cancer ridden leg of a young Canadian and you have
Terry Fox,
who ran half way across Canada on an artificial leg
Take both legs away from him and you have
Douglas Bader,
an RAF fighter pilot who was captured three times by Germans and escaped three times on artificial limbs
Label him too stupid to learn and you have
Thomas Edison
Blind him at the age of 44 and you have
John Milton,
who 16 years later, wrote The Great Paradise Lost
Call him dull, hopeless, and a flunk out of school in the 6th grade, and you have the famous statesman
Winston Churchill
Tell a boy who loves to draw that he has no talent, and you have
Walt Disney
Spit on Him, mock Him, humiliate Him, betray Him, and crucify Him, and He forgives you...
****
I am back, after a long week. You have been missed. Have had a lot of things going through my mind the past week, about trials and suffering. I have watched many over the past two weeks. It has saddened my heart but also has renewed my faith in who we are and what we can accomplish and overcome.
To all of my friends who are dealing with opposition right now...please know I love you and I am thinking of you. My heart is truly with you.
Hope you all have a beautiful week!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
One Year, and Miracles
Bear with me, this will be a long post...
I am not sure why, but even as I sit here, vomitous chunks arise in my throat.
It has been one year since we lost our last baby. One year since my family almost lost me.
I am trembling just even thinking about it. I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to relive it.
For those of you new here, if you don't know the story, you can read all about it here.
How do you move on from something so terrible?
Well, somehow you do. You take it one day at a time, and as I look over to the right of my computer, you can also take it one hole in the wall at a time like I did. You can drop the f-bomb a million times a day, and cry your eyes out until they bleed because they are so tired from crying.
Then you get up, dust yourself off, and try again. Or in our case, try multiple times again and again and get burned...but that is another post for another day.
We miss Peanut. We miss the little spirit that might have been. We think about him/her often. How close we were to finding out what we were having. What joy we had in anticipation. What sadness we felt.
It is common consensus around here that Peanut was/is a boy. So from now on we refer to Peanut as such. This makes J-dawg thrilled because he knows someday he will have a little brother.
(He, on his own accord brings this up regularly. As he was old enough to know and understand when the loss occurred.)
We think of 2008 as a great growing and learning experience here at our house.
We are thankful to have had LJ in our home during this time, even though at the time I wasn't sure why he would come the day before such tragedy would strike our home and our heart. I am not sure why weeks later we would be chosen to be scammed by a "birth mother". Why two months later we would be chosen by another birth mother, only to feel so good and confirming about that situation, to have it fall apart just as quickly. All I know is that, all of these things have been for our good. They have strengthened us, made us quicker to love, less likely to judge, and more ready to help those who are struggling through similar circumstances.
My heart is full.
I can't believe I can sit here and write that after a year.
A heart that was so broken and empty and angry can write that it is now full. Do I have all of the answers to "Why?" no. Do I wish that we hadn't had to endure what we did? I can honestly say now, that no. I am glad we did, for it made us stronger.
Early last fall after I bawled for 45 minutes on the phone to one of my best friends as I travelled to vacation with my family, I realized I had reached my breaking point.
It was around this same time that Hubbs and I decided (maybe more "I" decided...not sure) that if nothing happened for our little family's growth by December of 2008
we were going to throw in the fertility towel, throw in the adoption towel, and
move on with our lives.
Those five months were torture to my soul. One of my good friends asked me, "If this is so hard for you, why are you giving yourself a deadline?" The only answer I could come up with is that I needed to move on from this era of my life, my children needed their mother back, not the crazy shell of a woman that had replaced her. For three years we had been trying to get another child into our home...enough was enough wasn't it? So while it killed me to do it, I knew it was the answer...and in some ways I looked forward to the new year, to our little family, just us, to a new beginning.
Well, let me stop here for a moment and introduce you to someone.
Meet Millz
She is a little shy, this being her first "public" blog post and all.
She has heard that whenever her mom posts exciting news to her blog something tragic happens. She has reassured me a thousand times that this time will be different. But even as I tell you this, I feel like running into the other room to throw up (and that has nothing to do with being pregnant). She even assures me that I will get to wrap her up in the new blankets she HAD to have from Target (she is starting already), and that she can't wait to share a room with her big sister. She is also looking forward to the "rubberband gun lesson" that J-Dawg promised to give her when she gets bigger. I am holding on to her faith because I think she is closer to the Big Guy right now than I could ever be. :)
Heavenly Father works in a mysterious way. I don't suggest you give him a deadline, because just as you start getting comfortable with the way your new life will be, he will throw you a curve ball. A miraculous, beautiful curve ball, good thing I am good at bat.
We found out in December (can you believe it?) that this sweet baby would be joining our family.
We told no one.
I don't think we even told ourselves. Hubbs and I just walked around the house like, "Word." and "Holla." And that was that.
Why?
Well, because for the first three months there was intermittent bleeding and spotting. If I had a session, it was the death of me, I would bleed for days. At first I didn't even believe I was pregnant because well, Aunt Flow came to visit a few days early. I even blogged about being THANKFUL that she had. So silly of me.
I spent the first four months on the couch. SICK...SICK...SICK...and worried that if I did "too much" I would lose this baby too. I was so so so afraid to hope.
When I saw the doctor at 8 weeks, I saw the heartbeat via ultrasound. Even that didn't suffice. We told our kiddos at week 17. We finally told family around week 18. We had our ultrasound at week 20.
I am now at week 22.
You would think that I would be feeling better about things. I am faithful, I am extremely hopeful. I can't imagine that this would end badly as well. Would I be broken and lost if it did? Probably for a time. Would I eventually move on and learn? Most definitely. For now, I am taking it one day at a time. We, as a family are taking it one day at a time. It is maddening. It is hard to function, to just let go and let what will be, BE...but I can't. So each day is spent in agonizing worry, worry until I feel her move, worry until I see the doctor again. I wish it wasn't so. For this reason I didn't want to blog about it. But tonight, as I thought about Peanut, as I thought about all of the other babies that were to have been, I think how happy and excited I was for each and every one of them, and how this sweet girl deserves that too. She deserves to hear the happiness and congratulations from my friends. She deserves to be welcomed and wished for and hoped for.
Despite my heart.
My crazy, crazy heart.
This is our last shot. We found out at our ultrasound that I may be having surgery shortly after the baby is born (she is due July 30). They found a cystic tumor on my right ovary that they are watching and will remove after she makes her arrival. We will let you know more when we know more. This has shaken me a bit. Not sure what to think...I may end up "wombless" by the end of the year. Tee hee...one can only hope to not have periods ever again. I have a great doctor. I have a great Hubband. We are in good hands all around. We are in the Master's Hands.
With great trial cometh the blessings.
We are counting ours each and every day.
I am not sure why, but even as I sit here, vomitous chunks arise in my throat.
It has been one year since we lost our last baby. One year since my family almost lost me.
I am trembling just even thinking about it. I don't want to think about it.
I don't want to relive it.
For those of you new here, if you don't know the story, you can read all about it here.
How do you move on from something so terrible?
Well, somehow you do. You take it one day at a time, and as I look over to the right of my computer, you can also take it one hole in the wall at a time like I did. You can drop the f-bomb a million times a day, and cry your eyes out until they bleed because they are so tired from crying.
Then you get up, dust yourself off, and try again. Or in our case, try multiple times again and again and get burned...but that is another post for another day.
We miss Peanut. We miss the little spirit that might have been. We think about him/her often. How close we were to finding out what we were having. What joy we had in anticipation. What sadness we felt.
It is common consensus around here that Peanut was/is a boy. So from now on we refer to Peanut as such. This makes J-dawg thrilled because he knows someday he will have a little brother.
(He, on his own accord brings this up regularly. As he was old enough to know and understand when the loss occurred.)
We think of 2008 as a great growing and learning experience here at our house.
We are thankful to have had LJ in our home during this time, even though at the time I wasn't sure why he would come the day before such tragedy would strike our home and our heart. I am not sure why weeks later we would be chosen to be scammed by a "birth mother". Why two months later we would be chosen by another birth mother, only to feel so good and confirming about that situation, to have it fall apart just as quickly. All I know is that, all of these things have been for our good. They have strengthened us, made us quicker to love, less likely to judge, and more ready to help those who are struggling through similar circumstances.
My heart is full.
I can't believe I can sit here and write that after a year.
A heart that was so broken and empty and angry can write that it is now full. Do I have all of the answers to "Why?" no. Do I wish that we hadn't had to endure what we did? I can honestly say now, that no. I am glad we did, for it made us stronger.
Early last fall after I bawled for 45 minutes on the phone to one of my best friends as I travelled to vacation with my family, I realized I had reached my breaking point.
It was around this same time that Hubbs and I decided (maybe more "I" decided...not sure) that if nothing happened for our little family's growth by December of 2008
we were going to throw in the fertility towel, throw in the adoption towel, and
move on with our lives.
Those five months were torture to my soul. One of my good friends asked me, "If this is so hard for you, why are you giving yourself a deadline?" The only answer I could come up with is that I needed to move on from this era of my life, my children needed their mother back, not the crazy shell of a woman that had replaced her. For three years we had been trying to get another child into our home...enough was enough wasn't it? So while it killed me to do it, I knew it was the answer...and in some ways I looked forward to the new year, to our little family, just us, to a new beginning.
Well, let me stop here for a moment and introduce you to someone.
Meet Millz
She is a little shy, this being her first "public" blog post and all.
She has heard that whenever her mom posts exciting news to her blog something tragic happens. She has reassured me a thousand times that this time will be different. But even as I tell you this, I feel like running into the other room to throw up (and that has nothing to do with being pregnant). She even assures me that I will get to wrap her up in the new blankets she HAD to have from Target (she is starting already), and that she can't wait to share a room with her big sister. She is also looking forward to the "rubberband gun lesson" that J-Dawg promised to give her when she gets bigger. I am holding on to her faith because I think she is closer to the Big Guy right now than I could ever be. :)
Heavenly Father works in a mysterious way. I don't suggest you give him a deadline, because just as you start getting comfortable with the way your new life will be, he will throw you a curve ball. A miraculous, beautiful curve ball, good thing I am good at bat.
We found out in December (can you believe it?) that this sweet baby would be joining our family.
We told no one.
I don't think we even told ourselves. Hubbs and I just walked around the house like, "Word." and "Holla." And that was that.
Why?
Well, because for the first three months there was intermittent bleeding and spotting. If I had a session, it was the death of me, I would bleed for days. At first I didn't even believe I was pregnant because well, Aunt Flow came to visit a few days early. I even blogged about being THANKFUL that she had. So silly of me.
I spent the first four months on the couch. SICK...SICK...SICK...and worried that if I did "too much" I would lose this baby too. I was so so so afraid to hope.
When I saw the doctor at 8 weeks, I saw the heartbeat via ultrasound. Even that didn't suffice. We told our kiddos at week 17. We finally told family around week 18. We had our ultrasound at week 20.
I am now at week 22.
You would think that I would be feeling better about things. I am faithful, I am extremely hopeful. I can't imagine that this would end badly as well. Would I be broken and lost if it did? Probably for a time. Would I eventually move on and learn? Most definitely. For now, I am taking it one day at a time. We, as a family are taking it one day at a time. It is maddening. It is hard to function, to just let go and let what will be, BE...but I can't. So each day is spent in agonizing worry, worry until I feel her move, worry until I see the doctor again. I wish it wasn't so. For this reason I didn't want to blog about it. But tonight, as I thought about Peanut, as I thought about all of the other babies that were to have been, I think how happy and excited I was for each and every one of them, and how this sweet girl deserves that too. She deserves to hear the happiness and congratulations from my friends. She deserves to be welcomed and wished for and hoped for.
Despite my heart.
My crazy, crazy heart.
This is our last shot. We found out at our ultrasound that I may be having surgery shortly after the baby is born (she is due July 30). They found a cystic tumor on my right ovary that they are watching and will remove after she makes her arrival. We will let you know more when we know more. This has shaken me a bit. Not sure what to think...I may end up "wombless" by the end of the year. Tee hee...one can only hope to not have periods ever again. I have a great doctor. I have a great Hubband. We are in good hands all around. We are in the Master's Hands.
With great trial cometh the blessings.
We are counting ours each and every day.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tender Mercies
One of my all time favorite talks.
My apologies for no post yesterday. I hit the sack early. WAY early...because I have been getting to bed SUPER late. Or super early, depending on where on earth you live. Ha!
The last few days, my mind has been focusing a lot on what I am thankful for. Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time of year. I wish it were in June or something though, because it gets the shaft in the shadow of Christmas. Nonetheless, feeling overly grateful for the things I have. We so easily get distracted by the seemingly grand things in life. The bills that pile up, the laundry that needs to be washed, dishes cleaned, car repairs, etc. How often do we take time to realize the blessings all around us and truly give thanks for them.
This year, especially today, I am thankful for the small and tender mercies that I have been blessed with. To share, I will name a few.
Thankful for exactly two manilla envelopes left. For without them, I would have to ship in a box and it would cost a lot more and drain our already dwindling bank account.
Thankful that as I was running LATE that I found an open parking spot that was CLOSE to the building I was headed into.
Thankful that during these trying economic times that I found the perfect Christmas present for one of my kids. $3 vs. $50. I heart Savers.
Thankful for aunt flow coming four days early instead of four days late.
Thankful for a medical bill of $8,000 instead of a funeral bill.
Thankful my children have a mother.
Thankful for friends who care so much about me. Especially the ones who came and packed away all that baby stuff. Did I ever tell you how much that meant to me?
Thankful to have kissed on these chubby cheeks. Thankful he is safe now.
Thankful for Adoption. That is has blessed my life and the lives of countless people who I love.
Thankful I can run.
Thankful for a talent that blesses my life in more ways than I can count.
Thankful for these munchies.
Thankful for him.
Just oh so very, utterly thankful.
My apologies for no post yesterday. I hit the sack early. WAY early...because I have been getting to bed SUPER late. Or super early, depending on where on earth you live. Ha!
The last few days, my mind has been focusing a lot on what I am thankful for. Thanksgiving is such a wonderful time of year. I wish it were in June or something though, because it gets the shaft in the shadow of Christmas. Nonetheless, feeling overly grateful for the things I have. We so easily get distracted by the seemingly grand things in life. The bills that pile up, the laundry that needs to be washed, dishes cleaned, car repairs, etc. How often do we take time to realize the blessings all around us and truly give thanks for them.
This year, especially today, I am thankful for the small and tender mercies that I have been blessed with. To share, I will name a few.
Thankful for exactly two manilla envelopes left. For without them, I would have to ship in a box and it would cost a lot more and drain our already dwindling bank account.
Thankful that as I was running LATE that I found an open parking spot that was CLOSE to the building I was headed into.
Thankful that during these trying economic times that I found the perfect Christmas present for one of my kids. $3 vs. $50. I heart Savers.
Thankful for aunt flow coming four days early instead of four days late.
Thankful for a medical bill of $8,000 instead of a funeral bill.
Thankful my children have a mother.
Thankful for friends who care so much about me. Especially the ones who came and packed away all that baby stuff. Did I ever tell you how much that meant to me?
Thankful to have kissed on these chubby cheeks. Thankful he is safe now.
Thankful for Adoption. That is has blessed my life and the lives of countless people who I love.
Thankful I can run.
Thankful for a talent that blesses my life in more ways than I can count.
Thankful for these munchies.
Thankful for him.
Just oh so very, utterly thankful.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
2:49:50
So the race was on Saturday. My friend Shannon and I woke up DARK and EARLY Saturday morning, at 3:45 a.m. to drive to Providence, Utah where the race ended. We got on the bus at about 6:15 a.m. after we found mrs. r at the last second! YAY. And there we were, driven 13.1 miles away from the finish line, 13.1 miles away from our cars, our families, with the only solution, to run/walk/crawl back...
Here is Shannon crossing first. She had only ever run a 10K...so that is six miles, she kept saying that she would have to walk, have to walk...as I as walking/limping...I never ever spotted her...she smoked us and crossed the line first in our group. Way to go Shannon!
Next to cross was mrs. r she is STELLAR...I was so proud of her for finishing...and watching for me to finish...she ran up to me and made me bawl a little...saying, "You did it!" "Look at your family, look at your kiddies!" That did it...
So, here we all are...tired, beat...but done! And alive.
Our hott matching tanks...
And the discrace that all there was at the finish line for those left over runners...(almost three hours) were orange slices, water, and some gatorade. Seriously. I almost bawled, I was SO hungry.
My little family went to Einstein Brothers for breakfast before the long and tiring drive home. I just wanted food, and my bed the rest of the day. I jacked up my ankle somehow...hope it gets feeling better soon...ow. It was so great to spend the day with people that I love, people that I care about, doing something that is important...something I thought I could never do, so happy I did it.
As for that marathon? Gosh darn it, I forgot all about this wonderful workshop I signed up for that is the same day. I'll have to think about doing another one...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Be Aware.
I have been debating for months and months as to whether or not I should blog about this particular situation. Some things have arisen today that tell us that this person is NOT in anyway who she claimed herself to be, and with the announcement of our being chosen by our a birth mother, this person who shall be known as "C" has begun attacking me, my friends, and is saying very hurtful and untrue things for whatever reason. I hope that if you have been one of the people targeted, and that this person has e-mailed you, that you will feel comfortable to come to me, to e-mail me, so that we can discuss further and talk through what is happening. I appreciate those of you who have come forward to tell me about these e-mails and this contact from this person. For this reason I feel it is very important to share these things I am about to share with you. Hopefully this way, no one will have to hurt the way our family has been hurt, and continues to be hurt by those who are untruthful and dishonest and are just out to hurt people like me and my husband, and others hoping to adopt. Stick with me, it is worth it.
Firstly, an article from the Someone's Missing Handbook, Making Your Adoption Happen, A Finder's Guide for Families who are Hoping to Adopt.
Internet Safety--Adoption
Avoiding Online Fraud Adopting a child can be one the happiest occasions in your life. In order to have a positive experience, you must take some precautions, especially when using the Internet. The likelihood of fraud is greater unless you take proper care.To protect yourself, consider the following points:
Due to your strong desire for a baby, you may be vulnerable to online scams and unreasonable requests that are not in your best interest.
Always choose an ethical path for your adoption, which is not necessarily the shortest or easiest path. For instance, some states require birth father notification before a court approves an adoption to occur. In addition, all states dictate that adoptions are subject to finalizing court custodial decrees prior to a couple crossing state boundaries to return home with the baby. These laws can cause inconveniences to adoptive couples but are required. Other ethical issues may also surface that call in to question the best interest of all parties to the adoption. For example, a birth parent may request that an adoptive couple pay for inappropriate items, services, or procedures that have nothing to do with support through her pregnancy. Couples are strongly encouraged to abide by the laws and ethical practices of adoption.
Protect your privacy. In online profiles, don't mention your employer, salary, home or work phone numbers. Invite birth mothers to call your adoption cell phone number if you are in possession of one.
Don't make a hasty decision, no matter how anxious you are for a child. Don't over commit to anyone until your caseworker has had time to check out the situation.
Money should only be given through the agency. Do not give money directly to the birth mother. The agency will approve expenses and disburse funds directly to the appropriate person such as a landlord, physician, or utility company.
The most common form of fraud involves someone who accepts money from an adoptive family knowing that she will never place a child for adoption. She may promise a child to several families, collecting money from each.
Be cautious with anyone who contacts you directly and prefers to work only through you. A woman who is sincere about adoption will provide you with specific contact information and she should respect your request that she talk with your caseworker.
Additional Red Flags
The birth mom wants to bring the baby to you. She may say this to get you to buy a plane ticket for her that she can cash in later. Most true birth mothers want you to come to them.
The birth mom is not available by phone or the address is not verifiable.
She does not provide proof of pregnancy or other requested documents. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information. She may have a sudden miscarriage or hospitalization when you ask for too much information.
She does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She will not give you real names or numbers of doctors.
It's rare, but has happened: fraud not for money, but for attention or to inflict harm. In these cases the birth parent is not pregnant at all. She may be desperately lonely and in need of psychological help. She wants to talk intimately with someone and knows she can find emotionally fragile adoptive parents who will care about her. Her victims are manipulated into longing for the child. The game lasts only until she is asked to document her pregnancy or to meet the agency caseworker.
Birth Mother Scams
In the middle of the night you may receive a call from a woman you don't know. She has put off her decision to place the child for adoption until the last possible moment. She is in the hospital and going into labor.
Ask her to tell you the name of the hospital and her doctor. Give this information to your caseworker who can call the hospital maternity ward to verify the woman's story.Some homeless birth mothers are truly in need of assistance. You will want them to be safe and, if the law allows, the agency may provide them with services that include housing assistance. Your caseworker will verify their story before spending any money.
Screening Your Birth Mother
As a prospective adopting parent, your main worry may be whether the birth parent you will connect with will complete the adoption. The first task is to confirm her sincerity about the adoption. This can be difficult, especially if she is located far from where you live. In your first phone call, find out her phone number and the location from which she is calling. With this information, you may be able to enlist the help of an agency caseworker in her area to meet with her and verify her information.In response to your online profile, you may receive e-mails from people who claim to represent a birth mother. It is best to say, "Great! Have her contact us or our caseworker. We'd like to talk and we'll send you some information you can give her."If this person says, "You can only go through me to reach her, " consider that a red flag and move cautiously.
Please consider these additional tips when screening a birth mother.
Search out her contact name using Google (e.g. JaneDoe@yahoo.com...type in "JaneDoe" on Google.) If the birth mother is using a different name while chatting with an instant messenger program, perform a Google search on this name as well. If you are dealing with a scammer, you may find they they have posted information on other Web sites.
If your contact has sent you pictures, right click on the picture and obtain the picture's file name. Take the file name and perform an "Image" Google search. Some scammers steal pictures off of other Web pages and then send them to adoptive couples claiming the picture as their own. Be very cautious when you use this screening technique as searching some contact images may lead to Web sites that are pornographic in nature.
Some adoptive couples have visited online forums such as www.forums.adoption. com. Couples who have encountered a contact that turned out to be a scam may post this information on these forums. Building a networking relationship with other online adoptive couples can be valuable in detecting fraudulent contacts who claim to be birth parents. Always exercise caution when networking online as information you receive may not always be accurate.
A contact may give you a cellular or residential telephone number. The Internet has many Web sites where you can verify a contact's telephone number. This is called a "reverse look-up" and allows you to type in a contact's cellular or residential phone number to ensure it matches up with the name. Some sites are free while others require payment for use.
Verifying a contact person's state or city in important when screening birth mothers. Web sites such as www.switchboard.com allow you to search by name or telephone number.
One of the best tools to screen birth parents in your LDS Family Services' caseworker. Your caseworker can help you find out and verify information. When a birth parent visits an LDS Family Services office, the caseworker can verify information and pregnancy status.
SO...
Now that this icky stuff is out of the way, I want to tell you about "C". C started contact with us in April of this year. She said she was seventeen, was pregnant, and had initially contacted us through the LDSFS website. Through the course of a few weeks we became extremely close, and eventually she told Hubbs and I that she wanted to place her baby with us. Great, we were excited, thrilled, and if any of you know us, we were going through a really emotional time during all of this, having lost our baby...and really our relationship with C was never one but love and care and concern for her and for her baby...we wanted to help her in any way possible, even if she didn't place her baby with us, we wanted her to get the help that she needed. I'm here to tell you today that C was NOT who she said she was, she was/and is a scammer, and hopefully I can share with you what I have learned so that she will not hurt anyone else, and especially those that I love and care for so dearly as she is currently doing.
In our situation, these are the red flags that we ignored at first...
There was ALWAYS some emergency...she was sick A LOT...always in the hospital, always some problem with her parents. She said her mom had died of cancer a few years prior and that she was struggling with her step-mother.
She was going to run away from home, and come stay with us. When she asked if this was okay and we initially told her it wouldn't be a good idea, she used that to her advantage and made us feel terrible, like we had done something wrong...which we hadn't and we were in the right.
She would NEVER go to the agency and talk to a worker. She was REALLY good about making ME feel good that she wanted ME to go with her (she lived out of state) just another red flag that she wasn't who she said she was and wasn't willing to make things legit.
She had what we believe, to be using a fake name, her Facebook, which she added me to, and then later blocked me from when I got smart, had many many friends from where she said she lived, but guess what? None of those friends ever wrote on her wall. No one ever asked her how she was doing, etc. She didn't have pictures on her Facebook either.
She would never send US pictures. One night and one night only she would trade up tiny pictures over instant messaging, and then one night she uploaded a ton of pictures to Facebook, then mysteriously the next day they were gone...so that I couldn't even show Hubbs. Hmmm. Then as her due date approached, she sent me a picture of JUST a belly, no head...just a pregnant belly, which of course we all know, you can't verify who the person is with no head. Interesting.
We would make plans to meet with her, seven times to be exact, and she would never show up...or some emergency would happen and she would not be able to make it...at least at first she was kind enough to let us know she wasn't coming...up until the fourth time I think...then she just got lazy and rude and wouldn't call or anything for days later.
So, during this time, up until three or so weeks into it, we trusted her, believed her...then we put it out for the world on the blog...when a sweet friend, after reading the post called me and told me to be careful, that the things C had written to us in our little post were some of the exact things another birth mother had written to her. The reference to the baby as "Munchkin" or "Gremlin" both terms which another suspected scammer had used on my friend and her husband....Hubbs and I had been concerned for a few days about C being a scammer...this is when I did some hard core searching and finding to see what I could come up with...
I paid to have her phone number searched...her phone was indeed made out to the name she said was hers, but no valid address. No information could be found on her father or her step mother. There were no people on Facebook or MySpace that matched the names of her sibling...strange and weird seeing how she said they had them...?!
Then I started googling her name...her ID's for everything that I knew...and low and behold eBay...the lovely thing that it is was THE KEY...this C had mentioned to me that she was selling her iPod on eBay...silly silly C...well I noticed that she was using the same id on eBay as she had for her e-mail, for her instant messenger etc...and that she had changed her id in the last few weeks, about the same time she contacted us...hmmm...and guess what her old eBay user id led me to? An accused adoption scammer from New Mexico...and where was this eBay user from? Well none other than New Mexico.
There is a lady, Lynne who runs http://www.adoptionscams.net/ who was an angel and a princess at this time. She helped me find out all sorts of information on C...by the way that is NOT her name...nothing she said was EVER true to my knowledge, she was NOT 18, definitely NOT pregnant, and definitely NOT who she said she was. She was in fact, 32, has a warrant out for her arrest in New Mexico (hope you are aware C) and has been scamming couples like my husband and I since 2004.
I NEVER wanted to hurt C...even when I knew she wasn't who she said she was. I never wanted anything bad to happen to her. I feel really confused right now as to why she is trying to hurt me and my family. Some crazy stuff.
So, now, she has taken it upon herself to e-mail some of my dearest friends in the world and tell them horrible lies and things that she herself said about her own friends, her own family. She is mean, she is nasty...and once she is caught she turns (as has been apparent in the past) and basically turns wicked.
I just wanted to put this out there because I never felt it was my place to talk about my scamming experience, but this person has taken it upon herself to stalk my family, my life, and ruin it for whatever reason. I am not afraid of her. I don't want her or anyone like her to hurt those that I love. So, especially to my friends in the adoption world, be careful...I am so thankful that my friend called met the day that she did...and more than likely C and her H are the same people.
Be aware...
Firstly, an article from the Someone's Missing Handbook, Making Your Adoption Happen, A Finder's Guide for Families who are Hoping to Adopt.
Internet Safety--Adoption
Avoiding Online Fraud Adopting a child can be one the happiest occasions in your life. In order to have a positive experience, you must take some precautions, especially when using the Internet. The likelihood of fraud is greater unless you take proper care.To protect yourself, consider the following points:
Due to your strong desire for a baby, you may be vulnerable to online scams and unreasonable requests that are not in your best interest.
Always choose an ethical path for your adoption, which is not necessarily the shortest or easiest path. For instance, some states require birth father notification before a court approves an adoption to occur. In addition, all states dictate that adoptions are subject to finalizing court custodial decrees prior to a couple crossing state boundaries to return home with the baby. These laws can cause inconveniences to adoptive couples but are required. Other ethical issues may also surface that call in to question the best interest of all parties to the adoption. For example, a birth parent may request that an adoptive couple pay for inappropriate items, services, or procedures that have nothing to do with support through her pregnancy. Couples are strongly encouraged to abide by the laws and ethical practices of adoption.
Protect your privacy. In online profiles, don't mention your employer, salary, home or work phone numbers. Invite birth mothers to call your adoption cell phone number if you are in possession of one.
Don't make a hasty decision, no matter how anxious you are for a child. Don't over commit to anyone until your caseworker has had time to check out the situation.
Money should only be given through the agency. Do not give money directly to the birth mother. The agency will approve expenses and disburse funds directly to the appropriate person such as a landlord, physician, or utility company.
The most common form of fraud involves someone who accepts money from an adoptive family knowing that she will never place a child for adoption. She may promise a child to several families, collecting money from each.
Be cautious with anyone who contacts you directly and prefers to work only through you. A woman who is sincere about adoption will provide you with specific contact information and she should respect your request that she talk with your caseworker.
Additional Red Flags
The birth mom wants to bring the baby to you. She may say this to get you to buy a plane ticket for her that she can cash in later. Most true birth mothers want you to come to them.
The birth mom is not available by phone or the address is not verifiable.
She does not provide proof of pregnancy or other requested documents. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information. She may have a sudden miscarriage or hospitalization when you ask for too much information.
She does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She will not give you real names or numbers of doctors.
It's rare, but has happened: fraud not for money, but for attention or to inflict harm. In these cases the birth parent is not pregnant at all. She may be desperately lonely and in need of psychological help. She wants to talk intimately with someone and knows she can find emotionally fragile adoptive parents who will care about her. Her victims are manipulated into longing for the child. The game lasts only until she is asked to document her pregnancy or to meet the agency caseworker.
Birth Mother Scams
In the middle of the night you may receive a call from a woman you don't know. She has put off her decision to place the child for adoption until the last possible moment. She is in the hospital and going into labor.
Ask her to tell you the name of the hospital and her doctor. Give this information to your caseworker who can call the hospital maternity ward to verify the woman's story.Some homeless birth mothers are truly in need of assistance. You will want them to be safe and, if the law allows, the agency may provide them with services that include housing assistance. Your caseworker will verify their story before spending any money.
Screening Your Birth Mother
As a prospective adopting parent, your main worry may be whether the birth parent you will connect with will complete the adoption. The first task is to confirm her sincerity about the adoption. This can be difficult, especially if she is located far from where you live. In your first phone call, find out her phone number and the location from which she is calling. With this information, you may be able to enlist the help of an agency caseworker in her area to meet with her and verify her information.In response to your online profile, you may receive e-mails from people who claim to represent a birth mother. It is best to say, "Great! Have her contact us or our caseworker. We'd like to talk and we'll send you some information you can give her."If this person says, "You can only go through me to reach her, " consider that a red flag and move cautiously.
Please consider these additional tips when screening a birth mother.
Search out her contact name using Google (e.g. JaneDoe@yahoo.com...type in "JaneDoe" on Google.) If the birth mother is using a different name while chatting with an instant messenger program, perform a Google search on this name as well. If you are dealing with a scammer, you may find they they have posted information on other Web sites.
If your contact has sent you pictures, right click on the picture and obtain the picture's file name. Take the file name and perform an "Image" Google search. Some scammers steal pictures off of other Web pages and then send them to adoptive couples claiming the picture as their own. Be very cautious when you use this screening technique as searching some contact images may lead to Web sites that are pornographic in nature.
Some adoptive couples have visited online forums such as www.forums.adoption. com. Couples who have encountered a contact that turned out to be a scam may post this information on these forums. Building a networking relationship with other online adoptive couples can be valuable in detecting fraudulent contacts who claim to be birth parents. Always exercise caution when networking online as information you receive may not always be accurate.
A contact may give you a cellular or residential telephone number. The Internet has many Web sites where you can verify a contact's telephone number. This is called a "reverse look-up" and allows you to type in a contact's cellular or residential phone number to ensure it matches up with the name. Some sites are free while others require payment for use.
Verifying a contact person's state or city in important when screening birth mothers. Web sites such as www.switchboard.com allow you to search by name or telephone number.
One of the best tools to screen birth parents in your LDS Family Services' caseworker. Your caseworker can help you find out and verify information. When a birth parent visits an LDS Family Services office, the caseworker can verify information and pregnancy status.
SO...
Now that this icky stuff is out of the way, I want to tell you about "C". C started contact with us in April of this year. She said she was seventeen, was pregnant, and had initially contacted us through the LDSFS website. Through the course of a few weeks we became extremely close, and eventually she told Hubbs and I that she wanted to place her baby with us. Great, we were excited, thrilled, and if any of you know us, we were going through a really emotional time during all of this, having lost our baby...and really our relationship with C was never one but love and care and concern for her and for her baby...we wanted to help her in any way possible, even if she didn't place her baby with us, we wanted her to get the help that she needed. I'm here to tell you today that C was NOT who she said she was, she was/and is a scammer, and hopefully I can share with you what I have learned so that she will not hurt anyone else, and especially those that I love and care for so dearly as she is currently doing.
In our situation, these are the red flags that we ignored at first...
There was ALWAYS some emergency...she was sick A LOT...always in the hospital, always some problem with her parents. She said her mom had died of cancer a few years prior and that she was struggling with her step-mother.
She was going to run away from home, and come stay with us. When she asked if this was okay and we initially told her it wouldn't be a good idea, she used that to her advantage and made us feel terrible, like we had done something wrong...which we hadn't and we were in the right.
She would NEVER go to the agency and talk to a worker. She was REALLY good about making ME feel good that she wanted ME to go with her (she lived out of state) just another red flag that she wasn't who she said she was and wasn't willing to make things legit.
She had what we believe, to be using a fake name, her Facebook, which she added me to, and then later blocked me from when I got smart, had many many friends from where she said she lived, but guess what? None of those friends ever wrote on her wall. No one ever asked her how she was doing, etc. She didn't have pictures on her Facebook either.
She would never send US pictures. One night and one night only she would trade up tiny pictures over instant messaging, and then one night she uploaded a ton of pictures to Facebook, then mysteriously the next day they were gone...so that I couldn't even show Hubbs. Hmmm. Then as her due date approached, she sent me a picture of JUST a belly, no head...just a pregnant belly, which of course we all know, you can't verify who the person is with no head. Interesting.
We would make plans to meet with her, seven times to be exact, and she would never show up...or some emergency would happen and she would not be able to make it...at least at first she was kind enough to let us know she wasn't coming...up until the fourth time I think...then she just got lazy and rude and wouldn't call or anything for days later.
So, during this time, up until three or so weeks into it, we trusted her, believed her...then we put it out for the world on the blog...when a sweet friend, after reading the post called me and told me to be careful, that the things C had written to us in our little post were some of the exact things another birth mother had written to her. The reference to the baby as "Munchkin" or "Gremlin" both terms which another suspected scammer had used on my friend and her husband....Hubbs and I had been concerned for a few days about C being a scammer...this is when I did some hard core searching and finding to see what I could come up with...
I paid to have her phone number searched...her phone was indeed made out to the name she said was hers, but no valid address. No information could be found on her father or her step mother. There were no people on Facebook or MySpace that matched the names of her sibling...strange and weird seeing how she said they had them...?!
Then I started googling her name...her ID's for everything that I knew...and low and behold eBay...the lovely thing that it is was THE KEY...this C had mentioned to me that she was selling her iPod on eBay...silly silly C...well I noticed that she was using the same id on eBay as she had for her e-mail, for her instant messenger etc...and that she had changed her id in the last few weeks, about the same time she contacted us...hmmm...and guess what her old eBay user id led me to? An accused adoption scammer from New Mexico...and where was this eBay user from? Well none other than New Mexico.
There is a lady, Lynne who runs http://www.adoptionscams.net/ who was an angel and a princess at this time. She helped me find out all sorts of information on C...by the way that is NOT her name...nothing she said was EVER true to my knowledge, she was NOT 18, definitely NOT pregnant, and definitely NOT who she said she was. She was in fact, 32, has a warrant out for her arrest in New Mexico (hope you are aware C) and has been scamming couples like my husband and I since 2004.
I NEVER wanted to hurt C...even when I knew she wasn't who she said she was. I never wanted anything bad to happen to her. I feel really confused right now as to why she is trying to hurt me and my family. Some crazy stuff.
So, now, she has taken it upon herself to e-mail some of my dearest friends in the world and tell them horrible lies and things that she herself said about her own friends, her own family. She is mean, she is nasty...and once she is caught she turns (as has been apparent in the past) and basically turns wicked.
I just wanted to put this out there because I never felt it was my place to talk about my scamming experience, but this person has taken it upon herself to stalk my family, my life, and ruin it for whatever reason. I am not afraid of her. I don't want her or anyone like her to hurt those that I love. So, especially to my friends in the adoption world, be careful...I am so thankful that my friend called met the day that she did...and more than likely C and her H are the same people.
Be aware...
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Thoughts.
Photobucket, I hate you today. Blast you and your maintainance, when I was all sorts of ready to post new photos to my photography blog and to here. You'll have to settle for the stupid tiny blogger photos. Sigh.
Today has been a long day for me. Lots and lots of thoughts are going through my mind. I just want to take refuge in these spirits:
Today has been a long day for me. Lots and lots of thoughts are going through my mind. I just want to take refuge in these spirits:
I have been reflecting a lot upon the last six months of our lives. I feel like it has all been a dream. A very painful dream. I have been greatly humbled this year. I have fallen onto my knees in prayer more than ever before. My testimony has grown by ten fold, and my love and desire to be with my family forever has increased in ways I cannot even begin to explain.
Training for a half marathon has given me ample time to be alone, to reflect, to ponder, to heal. At times I have found myself very angry, angry at myself, at my body for failing my tiny baby. Angry at the people around me who I have allowed to hurt me. I recall a few months ago writing about how I would never let someone control how I was feeling, or how I dealt with what was being thrown to me. How easily that has been forgotten, I need to recharge my spirit and remember that I am the keeper of myself, I can choose to be happy, or I can allow each and every wind to toss me to and fro. This is not always easy. I have a tender heart and an even tender spirit. I fear disappointing those around me, even to my detriment. I am trying to love unconditionally, but at the same time, put myself first, which is hard, and feels painfully prideful, things I don't tolerate well. These are just some of the thoughts that have gone through my mind while I pound the pavement. Time that has helped me to heal, but time that has made me realize I am not where I would like to be within myself.
I love this man. I know I already told you how much last week. He is my rock...he is my best friend. He is my guardian.
It is two a.m. and I am rambling on and on...just thoughts.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Howdy!
****Edited to note that not ONE hour after writing this post, in Breaking Dawn, the author uses the term "freak show". It is about half way through the book. Seriously she used the term FREAK SHOW to describe one of the characters. Just so you know. I could be an amazing author too. Oh and don't you know it...i will totally write about this book when I am done with it. My top thoughts right now are "What the 'H'? Fer reals."
So we are away for a few days. Visiting family. We had a long drive yesterday. It feels so good to be away, to be with Hubbs' family, and to not have to worry about laundry, dishes, schedules, work, and all the other obligations of life.
It is nice to hug the kidlets all day...cuddle up close at night and watch movies...all the good things that seem to get put on the back burner sometimes.
I started reading the last book in the Twilight series. I read it all day yesterday. I never thought I would blog about these books. I'm not one to really follow the 'trends'...so when the books started becoming popular, it took me some convincing to start reading them. I have to say, I really didn't get into the first book much, and honestly it took halfway through the second to get me REALLY into them. Now, I am halfway through the fourth and final book, and I'm not so sure how I am feeling about it. I wish I could do all sorts of spoilers...but geeze. That is all I will say about that for now. Just wondered how others were feeling about it?
I had another freaking weird dream last night. (Pills? Exhaustion? Stress?) I'm holding out for that movie deal that Lace promised. LOL. So, last night's dream was a freak show. (I attribute it to reading Breaking Dawn.)
Anyway, we are off for a day of fun and excitement. Holla! And hopefully a nap. I am beat already and it is only nine in the morning!
So we are away for a few days. Visiting family. We had a long drive yesterday. It feels so good to be away, to be with Hubbs' family, and to not have to worry about laundry, dishes, schedules, work, and all the other obligations of life.
It is nice to hug the kidlets all day...cuddle up close at night and watch movies...all the good things that seem to get put on the back burner sometimes.
I started reading the last book in the Twilight series. I read it all day yesterday. I never thought I would blog about these books. I'm not one to really follow the 'trends'...so when the books started becoming popular, it took me some convincing to start reading them. I have to say, I really didn't get into the first book much, and honestly it took halfway through the second to get me REALLY into them. Now, I am halfway through the fourth and final book, and I'm not so sure how I am feeling about it. I wish I could do all sorts of spoilers...but geeze. That is all I will say about that for now. Just wondered how others were feeling about it?
I had another freaking weird dream last night. (Pills? Exhaustion? Stress?) I'm holding out for that movie deal that Lace promised. LOL. So, last night's dream was a freak show. (I attribute it to reading Breaking Dawn.)
Anyway, we are off for a day of fun and excitement. Holla! And hopefully a nap. I am beat already and it is only nine in the morning!
Monday, June 30, 2008
To blog...or not to blog?
Ever feel like your life is full of so much STUFF that you don't know what to write about for fear you will confuse the living daylights out of anyone that comes here? This is going to be one of those random posts...because, afterall this is my journal, and I have been slacking it up lately.
So, I mentioned before we are making some changes over here. I made this HUGE old schedule for our little family. I outlined each and every day and the things that should get done that day. Training for this run has almost killed me, but it has made me NEED to schedule my life, and for that I am thankful. I feel like I am more organized (albeit tired), but we are eating better, getting more sleep, and spending copious amounts of time together that we never have before. That puts a smile on my face.
One of the bigger changes I am making with my life is my business. I haven't wanted to make this official, as I am still trying to get my website up and working....but I won't be photographing weddings anymore. (Holly, don't worry, I still want very much to be a second shooter, quite often as time permits...) Just for myself, in my own business, I don't want to do them anymore. Why? Well, because they just STRESS me out too much, I am not happy doing them. (Don't worry if you have already booked me...I love doing them...but the stress of them ruins me.) Basically, it is hard to explain...but that is why I am selling all of my "wedding" equipment. I just want to invest the money in a different camera body (in the future) and another portrait lens. My specialty will be babies and kids. I still would like to do families, but definitely in a more laid back fashion than I have been doing. I want to photograph the simplicity of life...the moments and smiles that people remember about their family, not the posed perfection...which never really is.
So...I made myself this awesome work schedule. M-F, each night of the week after the kids go to bed, I have something different to do. Mondays are my "blogging" days...Tuesdays and Thursdays are my editing days, Wednesday is my scrapbook day (ooo I am looking SO forward to this one.) Fridays are my work on my website and session days...and Saturday is another session day. It feels SO super good to have this down...and not deviate from it. I have been all over the place for so long, I was feeling overwhelmed. It is nice to say, "This is the night I do this...the work will be done by this day...and our sessions are held on this day." Having a balance has really made me happy. This is one of the best things I took away from the workshop in Chicago. I love that it is stretching into all aspects of our lives.
I'm feeling so happy guys. Even with all the crap that was thrown at us, I will never let anyone else get me down, control me, control my happiness, the way I feel about me, or my life EVER again.
Hope you guys can do the same.
So, I mentioned before we are making some changes over here. I made this HUGE old schedule for our little family. I outlined each and every day and the things that should get done that day. Training for this run has almost killed me, but it has made me NEED to schedule my life, and for that I am thankful. I feel like I am more organized (albeit tired), but we are eating better, getting more sleep, and spending copious amounts of time together that we never have before. That puts a smile on my face.
One of the bigger changes I am making with my life is my business. I haven't wanted to make this official, as I am still trying to get my website up and working....but I won't be photographing weddings anymore. (Holly, don't worry, I still want very much to be a second shooter, quite often as time permits...) Just for myself, in my own business, I don't want to do them anymore. Why? Well, because they just STRESS me out too much, I am not happy doing them. (Don't worry if you have already booked me...I love doing them...but the stress of them ruins me.) Basically, it is hard to explain...but that is why I am selling all of my "wedding" equipment. I just want to invest the money in a different camera body (in the future) and another portrait lens. My specialty will be babies and kids. I still would like to do families, but definitely in a more laid back fashion than I have been doing. I want to photograph the simplicity of life...the moments and smiles that people remember about their family, not the posed perfection...which never really is.
So...I made myself this awesome work schedule. M-F, each night of the week after the kids go to bed, I have something different to do. Mondays are my "blogging" days...Tuesdays and Thursdays are my editing days, Wednesday is my scrapbook day (ooo I am looking SO forward to this one.) Fridays are my work on my website and session days...and Saturday is another session day. It feels SO super good to have this down...and not deviate from it. I have been all over the place for so long, I was feeling overwhelmed. It is nice to say, "This is the night I do this...the work will be done by this day...and our sessions are held on this day." Having a balance has really made me happy. This is one of the best things I took away from the workshop in Chicago. I love that it is stretching into all aspects of our lives.
I'm feeling so happy guys. Even with all the crap that was thrown at us, I will never let anyone else get me down, control me, control my happiness, the way I feel about me, or my life EVER again.
Hope you guys can do the same.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Changing our Style!
(Too bad these photos suck! They were shot on ISO 100,000,000! I wondered why I was getting such great shutter speeds.)
So, while I was in Chicago, I read this FANTASTIC article in LDS Living Magazine. (Another Guilty Pleasure of mine) Anyway, in the mag it talked about ways to change your life, to change how you feel about your body, about YOU! One of the topics of this article was asking a lot of questions like, "Do you make a list of healthy foods and meals before you go to the grocery store? Do you buy and then prepare the meals for your family?" I thought this was BRILLIANT! I talk until I am BLUE in the face about how I wish I was thinner...how I wish we ate better. Well, I realized it wasn't going to happen unless I MADE IT HAPPEN! I was bound and determined when I got home I would do this with my family.
So, since I was so FREAKING sick last week, I'll admit we ate out a lot and my kids survived on snacks a lot...it was all I could do for a few days to lift my head off the pillow! Last Saturday I went to the grocery store and stocked up on all stuff GOOD. And I have been making meals! Then, low and behold I read this on Tara Whitney's blog! Now, my photos DO NOTHING in comparison with hers...but I have had these "school" trays around forever...wondering what the "H" I was going to use them for. Tara...you are a GENIUS!
Yes...that IS Emmaree eating a carrot! And she ate BROCCOLI. Now, if I can just convince Joth to do the same, we'd be good. Anyway...we totally snacked while we made dinner, and I felt no guilt at only having carbs and protein on our plates. We're rockin' it over here at our house!
By the way...I began training today again for that half marathon that is coming up. Hubby expressed an interest...and now I have him on board! We ran 2 miles...and almost died...but we did it!
Today was a great day.
Wednesday, June 04, 2008
Even if it kills me, and more than likely it will. Mrs. R will be there to carry me to the finish line (or to at least tell them where to find my body).
Why? Because I am crazy.
Why? Because I need a better outlet than Baskin Robbins.
Why? Because I want to photograph my children's weddings.
Why? Because I need to lose some weight.
Why? Because I am TIRED of telling myself I could NEVER do that, because I CAN!
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