Deep.

I am feeling a deep and painful sadness.

I am depressed.

I have been so for almost a week now.

It is profound.

It is heavy.

It is dark.

I wasn't expecting it.

It is making me feel like a failure.

In my marriage.

As a mother.

As a photographer.

As a blogger.

As a friend.

As a provider.

As a servant.

In every way.

I cried for a long, long time today.

In the closet.

While running down the road.

In the shower.

On the bathroom floor.

Heaping.

Sobs.

It hurts.

It is frightening.

It is all I can do to keep breathing.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

I want to run away.

I want to be different.

I want to sleep all day.

I wish for the pain to be lessened.

I wish to feel myself again.

I hope this passes soon.

The Beaded Puma

Lindsey checking out some glittery glass beads.

As part of our audition for SassyScoops (you may have seen our ridiculous audition videos here and here), Kimsey (Kim + Lindsey) headed to her favorite local bead shop, Beaded Puma.

Beaded Puma holds a special place in our hearts, as they helped the r house couture get well-stocked and taught us the basics of beading when r little shop was in the infant stage. They continue to offer endless support, answer questions and welcome us (and everyone!) as family when we walk in the doors.

Margo, Owner of Beaded Puma

Margo and her husband Ray are the owners of Beaded Puma which has been around in one way or another since 1993.

Margo opened Beaded Puma to help her sister (who loved beads) work through "a frumpy mood." They later learned that this "frumpy mood" was leukemia which took her life 2 years later. By then, Margo was in love with beads and stayed in the business.


We were dying to know about the name "Beaded Puma."

The name was inspired by one of Ray and Margo's treasures, this hand beaded Huichol (an Indian tribe in Mexico) puma head.

If you are looking for beads--anything from pearls to garnet to jade--at a great price with a knowledgeable and approachable staff that seriously treats you like family, then you are looking for Margo and Ray of Beaded Puma.

(Kimsey witnessed this family treatment first-hand during our review, as a widowed man approached Margo and asked if he could get a deal on two lapis beads that he wanted to purchase to make a memorial piece for his wife. Of course she said yes. Kim cried.)

Beaded Puma
1227 E 3300 S # G
Salt Lake City, UT 84106-3078
(801) 466-5607

Let us give you a tour of this beloved shop.

In this video Kimsey gives a tour of Beaded Puma including their favorite parts and first impressions.

If you are serious about color and selection, you will love Beaded Puma. Just look at this variety and please, allow your heart to go pitter-patter with all the color!

Pre-World War II Vintage Glass Beads

Precious and Semo-Precious Genuine Stones

Pearls

Sterling Silver Chain

Swarovski Crystals

Turn of the Century size 22 seed and steel beads (haven't made them since 1900) from France.

Genuine Stones

Margo's Favorite (and every girl's!): Diamonds

Precious and Semi-Precious Stones

Margo is passionate about jewelry and wants to share her passion with you. She offers classes in the shop every Saturday! (80's references, shout outs to the pioneers and dry humor are thrown in by Margo for free.)

In this video, Margo shares how her passion for jewelry is rooted in being an accessory junkie! She also talks about the basic beading and stringing classes she offers in the shop every Saturday morning at 10:15am.

Here's The Scoop on The Puma:

What was your first impression? Very clean and well organized store. The set up and displays only invite you in further to experience every thing they have to offer.

What did you like the most? The bead strands. I love to run my hands through them, listen to the clinking and the tapping, it makes me want to buy all of them!

The open case in the middle of the store holds individual beads that you can manipulate and even smell! We wish the lighting was a little better over this area so you can see every sparkle that each bead boasts.

What didn’t you like? The lighting over the open case beads could be a little better, and it is devastating to travel to The Puma and not have Ray there. We love Margo, but Ray, he just can't be beat.

Would you refer a friend? Most definitely. I already have, YOU!

Best selection is right! They even have a BeDazzler!

If you could only send out one tweet about the business, what would you say? For the best selection of beads and jewelry making supplies on the Wasatch Front, it is only Beaded Puma for me: 1227 E 3300 S #G

Our favorite part of Beaded Puma allows you to get your creativity on!

In the center of the shop are the open cases where you can handle the beads. The Puma offers this snazzy little trays to their shoppers as well. They trays help you organize your design, compare colors and keep track of what you like. This area ignites your creativity. We promise. (Plus, you can run everything by Margo--she will tell you if it's ugly or not.)

Margo invites you to tap into your creativity--whether it be through beads or through smashing Coke bottles. (Isn't she a hoot?)

*All photos courtesy of Kim Orlandini Photography, 100% film.

Disclaimer: No one was compensated for this post in any way.

A Public Service Announcement from Kimsey

Only three more hours to "Like" Kimsey.

Enjoy:

Getting Results

***Originally posted to the Shredding with Simply Me blog. If you would like access to that blog, and are interested in losing weight or sharing your weight loss stories, photos, triumphs, as well as struggles, please email me: kimsueellen[at]gmail[dot]com and I would be happy to give you access. We have room for about 25 more readers.***

Friends. I had to share some good news. When I measured in this week I finally saw some tremendous (for me) results from the last time I measured in about 3 weeks ago.

I had lost 1/2" from each thigh, 1/4" from each calf, 1/4" from each bicep. So I have lost a total of 5" from my entire body since Jan 1, 2011.

This was a huge step for me. Since my last blog post, I have not done anything different. You know the post, the one where I cry about hovering at 188.2. Well yesterday I weighed in at 186.4. This puts me at having lost 14.75 total. My highest weight was 205. I didn't start counting weight loss until I was at 200lbs. I am thinking if I want to sound incredible I should count that 5 extra pounds just to say I have lost 20lbs. *giggle*

I have also 'grown out of' two size 17 jeans (I know, I know that is a junior size) as well as almost completely not being able to wear 2 size 14 (misses size) jeans. I went to the Old Navy clearance rack yesterday and pulled off a size 12 super nervous as to whether they would fit, and guess what? They fit perfectly. Like a glove. Not a tight glove, but a nice, sweet glove. My bumm looks TOTALLY hot in them. Please comment on it's hotness the next time you see me wearing them.

I don't write this to boast, but to share with you. I have not seen any sort of change or result in my body since November. Nothing. It has been disheartening at times, and I have, of course wanted to give up. I have pushed through, and while this may be a temporary slide in the right direction, I know I am going to hit other roadblocks and long plateaus. I just need to realize that all of those things can be pushed through, and once again I will be able to see something wonderful and beautiful on the other side. Defining who I am by what I am inside is far more important that what I look like on the outside. However, it is a beautiful place to be reflecting the beauty in both areas.

I don't want to talk about 'goals' or specifically what my 'goals' are. Sometimes I feel like goals are so abstract, and intangible. I am keeping with my goal to lose 5lbs at a time. Ultimately, I would love to see the number 140 on my scale. It is a good number for my height and frame. I would love to be able to wear a size 8 jean. I would be content at these numbers. For now, I am embracing this size 12 body and I am going to love her and carry her with grace and sophistication.

xoxo

***Edited to say that with the encouragement of a few close people in my life, especially Em, I am going to run with the fact I started at 205. I am not as ashamed to admit that now as I was at the time, I have personal journal entries to prove how much of a dark place I was in. I was in complete denial, therefore pretended it wasn't real. It was. It was very very sad. Sigh. So, here we go. Down 20. Feels good. Really good. ***

Why film?

Film is something I am passionate about.

Film for me is not a fad.

It is not something I shoot because 'all the cool kids are doing it'.

Film has always been, for me, a source of magic.

It has always been a connection to something bigger than myself. Film has the ability to help us remember times gone by, and those whom we love so openly and fully, we remember them because of film. The miraculous nature by which it came about, and and of itself is magical. For me, each and every time I make an image on film, that magic comes alive for me, and I see sparkling glitter fall from the sky. Silly? Perhaps. Truthful? Certainly.

Fuji Instant Film Negative.

Shot on a Polaroid 600SE on Fuji fp3000b

When I was 15 I knew in the deepest corners of my soul that I needed to be a photographer. I don't know why, or what compelled that desire in me. Perhaps it was my grandfather. Perhaps it was his relatives who were asked to photograph Zion's National Park. Perhaps I knew at that young age that it was my destiny to capture moments that can so easily slip away. It wasn't until I was a mother, and was given the opportunity to learn, to shoot. It was on film that I learned. When the digital cameras started coming out, and were 'all the rage' I stood on the sidelines. Secretly wishing for one of those new fandangled contraptions, but still holding to my love of film. It was real, it was tangible. I was saving my pennies for a medium format film camera. That was my dream.

That year I was given a digital SLR. I loved this camera. Imagine my surprise when it was frustrating to learn to use. So different from the film I was accustomed to shooting. With time, I learned to master that digital camera although my heart still longed for film. For years I had been stalking the blog of one Jonathan Canlas. Well, I wouldn't say stalking because I left comments almost every time I went to visit his blog. It wasn't before long that I realized why I was drawn to his work. He shot film. Only film. I loved this thought. I wanted this to be me. Much to my surprise he had his first workshop in 2008. I was determined to attend that workshop. Hell or high water, I would go. And. I. Did. I wouldn't say that the workshop changed me immediately. I knew going into film that I needed to make a commitment to it. I was one of those people that had to have all or nothing. It was so deep in my soul that I knew leaving that workshop that I would one day shoot only film. Two years, almost to the day from attending that workshop, I made the switch to 100% film. I have never regretted that decision. It has forever changed me. I am lucky to call Jon one of my greatest friends. I am lucky to call him my mentor.

I get a lot of emails asking about why I shoot film, asking how they can shoot film, should they shoot film, should they just get a digital SLR. My answer to them is YES they can shoot film, and they SHOULD. Don't wait for anything. Life is short. Go and dust off that 35mm, I don't care how old it is. Grab a roll of film, load it and SHOOT it. "But isn't that hard." You ask. Well, my friends. Jon has just written a book that is about to change your life:

I have this book. I have devoured it already. It is beautiful, it is breathtaking, it is a work of art, and I am not lying when I tell you it will change your life if you let it. I don't care if you are a mom taking photos of her babies. I don't care if you are an empty nester. If you have access to a camera, please, please pick it up and shoot something on it this year.

Jon's book was released today. It is available in PDF format for immediate download and is on sale for an introductory price of $89 until February 23. I highly suggest you buy your copy before it goes to it's regular price of $149 which is still killer and worth every penny. (I spent more on one college book studying photography and didn't learn a tenth of what I have learned from Jon.)

Jon has given me the opportunity to offer this book to you. For each book that my friends and readers buy, I get a small portion of the sale, but even if I did not I would support this book, as I do now, with my entire being.

Let film change you as it has me.

Get your book HERE.

I'll send the first five people who buy it a little something special in the mail to get them started on their own film journey. Simply send me an email to: kimorlandini[at]gmail[dot]com.

Cheers.

Love for Jenny Auction: Bidding Today through Tomorrow!

Feel the love! Run on over to the Love for Jenny Auction and bid on some of the wonderful items available. You may even want to bid on a photo session with me. Bidding goes today through tomorrow night.

Happy Valentine's Day friends!

xoxo

~Kim

Weighing In

***Originally posted to the Shredding with Simply Me blog. If you would like access to that blog, and are interested in losing weight or sharing your weight loss stories, photos, triumphs, as well as struggles, please email me: kimsueellen[at]gmail[dot]com and I would be happy to give you access. We have room for about 30 more readers.***

I am hoping this week to finally develop some photos from the first month of my personal photography project. I'll share more details then, but wanted to check in and let you know how things are going here.

I am a few days shy of being half way through my first round of P90x. I started out super slow, listening to my body, and now I am finally at the point where I can almost keep up with the video, and get through it without feeling like I am going to die.

I wish however, that I could tell you I have seen amazing results from it. Truth is, I have not. I have lost only 3/4" from my entire body, and zero weight in pounds or ounces. I am pretty much hovering at 188.2 with the lowest number I have seen being 187, but I am not going to let it get me down. Instead I am trying to think positively, and feeling less guilty and loving myself for who I am. It is not easy, but this time, this time it is a life change, not a change of desperate attempts. This is going to be a lasting thing, and in order for that to happen, I have to be careful with me...and support me.

I can't tell you the last time I had a soda, probably some time in December. The last time I had any sort of shake was mid January. I have almost completely cut out all dairy from my diet except for some cheeses. January was a focus on returning to exercise. February has been a focus on not eating out at all, or fairly little, and really *thinking* about what is going into my body. I have been making dinner at home for me, and for my family. We are eating a more balanced diet, and controlling our portions so that we have room for each area in our food group. The kids are handling it well. I should say it is just me and the kids doing it as our dad and hubby has a freaky deaky schedule and has to fend for himself the leftovers and whatnot.

I feel I am on a good track, one that I feel is the right track. I'll keep you posted on how things go, and I am excited (well, sort of) to share a bit of my project with you hopefully in the coming weeks.

Much love to you all, and to myself.

xoxo

Guest Blogger: Kimsey

I have spoken about Sassy Scoops before. They have even featured The R House Couture a few times! (including in their Valentine's Day Round-up going on right now--get a 10% off coupon code!)

In case you haven't heard by now, Sassy Scoops is looking for ONE more Sassy to join their team. You heard that right. One. I have known for some time that Lindsey would make a great Sassy. As we discussed over work Tuesday night, somehow or another the idea of a conjoined twin came to mind. At first it was just a joke, but it snowballed into actual glitter, unicorns, diet Coke and Snuggie goodness.

Then, the forces of the universe invented a new persona of bliss and wonder.

KIMSEY KIMSEY KIMSEY



Yes, it's ridiculously awesome, I know.

Yes, Lindsey and I both have glitter stuck to our eye balls. Yes, it would have been better with Leisha in it (Leisha is not so much into blogging ...but she IS into being the birthday girl today! happy birthday, Leisha!) Yes, we are probably disqualified because there are two people in the audition if we are getting technical (although the posted rules said nothing about persons joined at the hip!), but the persona of KIMSEY is worth it!


So, want to help us win? It's sooooo easy.

1. Go to the Sassy Scoops Facebook Page. (You will have to 'like' it to participate.) This also means that you will have to have a Facebook page to vote--which means Lindsey' mom won't be able to vote for us seeing as she hates Facebook. (Is she winning your sympathy vote yet?) My mom however has recently found the light and indeed likes our video on the Sassy Scoops Facebook Page.
2. Click on the 'Just Others' tab.
3. The above video will show up. If you feel so inclined, 'LIKE' our video--that's how you cast your vote.

As of right now we are in the lead ...because we are the only entry! HA! But, seriously, if you support rule bending (spirit of the law!), persons joined at the hip, diet coke, unicorns, glitter and snuggies--well then--your vote seems pretty clear.

Do it for the children.

Voting ends on Valentine's Day. Don't worry, I won't be harassing you for your vote for too long.

...and glitter.

***Edited to say that if indeed Kimsey must be disqualified and the Sassies can only take one winner, I truly think it should be Mrs. R. She is a great lady and would make a super wonderful Sassy.***

Gonad Punching and Therapy Installment 1

Photo by the beautiful Sharon Johnson

You know that voice inside your head, the one that tells you, "You're not good enough!"? The one that says, "Don't even try!" or "Why bother?" I hate that voice.

It seems like this voice has been my companion since I can remember. It started for no apparent reason when I was younger. It seemed as I got into my teenage years, it only got louder and louder. Now that I am approaching thirty, it seems like it is getting more and more muffled. Either that or I have tried to punch that voice in the gonads so many times, it is sounding like a twelve year old boy in puberty. It is probably a combination of the gonad punching along with the fact that I realize that I don't have to always follow the -rules- of the voice.

Guess what? I can!

I am seriously amazed at the person I have become in the past year. The past almost three years really. Three years ago I would never have stood up for myself in any arena. Not at the grocery store, not in my business practices, not at church. Today? I am the complete opposite. I no longer listen to that voice that tells me, "You can't say that!". I do say that and I am happier for it.

A couple of months ago I was at a church function. If any of you know me, you know that I say what I think. I wouldn't go as far as to say I don't have a filter unless of course maybe you were at church on Sunday when I got up to bear my testimony and I may or may not have said and I quote, "Although I am sure my husband wishes I would fulfill more of his needs." And that folks could have been and probably was taken out of context. I promise you that I did not mean to say it in that way. Anyway, I do have a filter, it is just sometimes it is dirty or I leave it at home...but at this particular function, I was being, well, just me. For some reason or another the conversation went a little random, and people began talking about, 'you're only as old as you feel' blah blah blah. I mentioned that I felt like I was still in junior high. This girl sitting next to me, stone faced, non-jokingly says to me, "It is because you act like you are in junior high." I am pretty sure I was suppose to take offence to that statement. Usually that voice inside my head would have said, "Shut up...she is right, you are immature, knock it off, you can't be that way." Instead, I laughed. I laughed hard. I realized in that moment that I would rather be happy, have my sense of humor, enjoy life and have everyone think I was immature rather than to be stuffy, 'perfect', or 30. This, along with many moments changed me.

I do wish, however, that I had the body of a teenager, a ninth grade teenager (maybe if she was an 'early bloomer') then I would have taken the comment to the extreme, jumped up on the table and partied like it was 1999.

I digress. We were talking about that voice that I punch in the gonads. Well this voice, he is responsible for all the years I was never late to class. All the years I didn't take time to just miss the school bus. All the years I just didn't even make dinner for my family because I couldn't be as good at it as 'so and so'. This voice is the reason I stayed in the back of the room and didn't participate in the group because 'I wouldn't have anything great to add'. The voice that made me think I wasn't skinny enough, or pretty enough to have the popular guys ask me out. This same voice was responsible for me making the first few years of my marriage to my husband living hell. That voice said things to me like, "He doesn't love you.", "He will cheat on you just like your dad did.", "He says he loves you now, but...". That voice ruined SO much for me. So much precious, precious time has been wasted by listening to him. He is responsible for my anxiety, my depression, my weight, for not ever getting my photography website up, for neglecting my family, my children, my husband, my LIFE.

Do you readers...do you have a voice like that? Have you given that voice a good gonad punch lately? I just slapped mine to the curb.

From now on it is just me, and the voice that says "You can!". The voice that tells me, "You are beautiful!", "You are smart.", "You are talented.", "You can do hard things.", "You are brave.", "You are loved.", "You can do it all." I like this voice. A LOT.

Friday.

I am so thankful it is Friday. I don't know why, it is no different than any other day. It is not like I am going to spend more time with my family than I normally do, or see my husband any more. Perhaps it is because I get to have a free day on Sunday. No working out. Possible nap. I get to see my brothers and my step mom. I dunno there is just something about it.

In other news, thank you to the -6- people who shared about the auction for Jenny.

*Crickets*

I think those six people all deserve something for sharing, so throughout the next few weeks each one is going to get a Claire de Lune CD from me. Please send me an email at: kimsueellen[at]gmail[dot]com with your address.

This auction meansso much to me because I am a mother. I would do anything for anyone to help comfort his/her fight with cancer, so thank you. THANK YOU!

Also, a HUGE thank you to everyone who donated to Jothan's jump for Parker. He raised $190 almost twice as much as his goal of $100. My heart was full and I cried tears of joy at your ginormous hearts and willingness to serve so others can have good and healthy hearts as well.

Stay tuned for next week. I have lots of emotional vomit to spout off. Blogging is cheaper than therapy, and heaven knows I need lots and lots of therapy.

xoxo

~Kim