Carry On

Isn't this Keep Calm and Carry On necklace beautiful?
It is one of my favorites from The R House Couture, our etsy shop.

I have been 'spring cleaning' today.
As I mentioned a week or so ago, we are moving. Luckily and thankfully our house is now under contract.
YAY!

But, with it comes the preparation for moving.
That, I could do without.
I am taking one closet, one drawer a week, and going through it deeply and thoroughly to de-junk (I am not a junk keeper anyway, so I mean BUSINESS)
and to grab things for a yard sale/thrift stores.

I also spent the good portion of Sunday sewing a quilt for Millz.
It was a gift when she was born, and yes, I just finally got around to sewing it.

During all of these adventures this weekend, I came across my blessing dress.
I pulled it out, and took pictures of Millz wearing it.
(yes it fit her, but barely.)

With the dress was a bonnet and a blanket, crocheted by my great-grandmother.
I wish I remembered the story, I do not, but I do know that my mother had no girls at the time it was given, but was given in a 'hope' that she would have a girl one day to put the bonnet on, because my grandma knew she was dying, and wouldn't be able to make one for her future
granddaughter.

Me.

I felt so special this morning.
So thankful that life moves forward.
Thankful that we 'Carry On' no matter what.

As I caressed the stitches I could feel her love for me, like a hug.
Thankful for eternal families, and the glorious reunion I will get to have with this woman I never got to meet, but also with my grandpa, with all those who have gone before, and with
my baby.
Oh I cannot wait to hold my baby.

God is real.
He is powerful.
If he can love me, I know he loves you.

Let's all carry on, and be a little better today.
I know I want to be.

If I can be a tenth of what she is...

...her incredible beauty, inside, and indeed out...inspire me.
Lift me.
Help me to reach and stretch to be better.

I hope she knows just how highly I think of her.
How much she has changed me.
Thank you Nie.
Thank you.

Grab a tissue.
You will most certainly need it.

Thankful for the Promise.

So thankful.

Heavy Heart

My mind and thoughts have been consumed heavily with
Natalie, Richie, and their sweet family this week.

There are lots of things I need to blog.
Lots of things to tell you about.
But all of those seem so insignificant.

It has been difficult to think of anything but them.

While I hope to never understand fully what they are feeling, I do know my own personal hell in the loss of our baby almost two years ago. Perhaps this is why Nat is on my mind continually.

Even then I can't imagine loving and holding and kissing your baby
and then to have to let him go.

I have been hugging my three babies close to me, we have been cuddling on the couch more, playing more games, and taking the time to truly cherish all of our blessings.
I hope you are doing the same.

We know and understand that life is precious.
How thankful we are for a plan that will allow us to all be reunited with those we love.

I ask for your continued love and prayers and support to this sweet family.

I am taking the weekend off from blogging and e-mail,
to truly enjoy the blessings I have.

Until Monday.

All my love.

Tiny Gavin

pic courtesy of natalie's blog

Please send your love their way.

No one should have to endure this.

No one.

Natalie's faith is amazing and inspiring.
Let it change you.

Welcoming 2010 with a Grateful Heart

My heart has been full the last week.
Full of love for a few of my very dearest friends.
Full of gratitude for the miracles that surround us each and every day.
Both the large and the small.

First, I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for blessing my dear friend Sue.
She has been such a dear and amazing friend to me since I can remember. She had an accident two weeks ago, in which through crazy bits of circumstances almost cost her her life.

I am amazed at the protection that was upon her
these past two weeks.
I was able to spend the afternoon with her yesterday. Seeing her alive, and well made me ever so grateful to our loving Heavenly Father who blessed her and protected her, and allowed me to continue to have the blessing of her friendship on this earth.

Many tears were shed as I marveled in awe of her quick healing. Her accident made me realize just how much I value her friendship, how thankful and lucky I have been to have her example in my life, and I don't want to take that for granted EVER again. I vowed to be a better friend to her and to all of my friends, because life is short...and sometimes life is cut short.

Today is the day to act...to love...to serve.

Secondly, I had the opportunity to spend a few days this week in Washington D.C. with two of my besties.

Leisha, and mrs. r.

Words cannot express the gratitude I have felt for the blessings that the closing of 2009 brought to my heart on behalf of mrs. r and her family.

I was able to witness the sealing of sweet little
Gavin
to his parents and to his big brother Tyson.

Tears streamed down my cheeks the entire night before as I felt the power of such a miraculous event, many of you have read throughout the year.

I, of all people understand the pain and anguish that comes from trial after trial...if you don't know what I am talking about, just go back and read my entire year of 2008.

Leisha, mrs. r and I joke often about how 2008 sucked for me...2009 for mrs. r,
and hoping beyond hope that 2010 is good for ALL of us...including YOU dear reader.

The power of eternal families was once again renewed in my heart as I watched this sweet family become sealed in the beautiful temple. The day was perfect...really it was.
(My photos on the other hand? Maybe not so much...thankful Leisha was there to capture it all with me.)

Life is sweet. I hope you can taste the sweetness that is there.

May 2010 and the years to come bring you much happiness and joy.
Please remember miracles have not ceased.
They will continue to flow....even in the darkest of times.
Hold onto that.

Much love.

Nine Years and a Million More

The time has flown by.

NINE years.

It feels so strange to say that. It feels like just yesterday I met this amazing man.

So, in honor of our ninth year anniversary,
I will share with you the story of how we met.

Hubbs and I met shortly after his mission for
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
He had served his mission in Anaheim, California. He was 22 years old,
I was 18.
YES 18.

I was still in high school!

I would leave school at 2:10 p.m. and basically speed (yes...SPEED) to make it the ten miles to be to my full time job at 2:30 p.m.

How many high school kids do you know that go to school all day then go straight to work and don't get home until 10 at night? Not many.

I did it. I did it for 6 months during my senior year.

It was rough.

Anyway, to make a really long story even shorter, I didn't work most Thursday nights because I had a clinical class for nursing assisting that I had to attend on Thursdays. So the first day of training for a new area of this job happened to be on a Thursday. I came into work on Friday, and during our meeting everyone was jabbering on and on and on about the trainer. How he wore a pink polo shirt, and his name was "Fabio" and how gay he must be.

Hilarious, I laughed along, thinking how funny it was, and a wee bit sad I missed out on the pink shirt because I had been gone. I knew I wouldn't have the chance to meet this Fabio because I wasn't going to be doing phone work with the rest of the group.

As I walked to the computers that day after our group meeting, one of my good friends from training convinced me in about 30 seconds that the phone work was REALLY easy and SO much better than the computers. If any of you know me, you know that in high school I was HIGH ANXIETY.

The fact that I even went to sit down and learn the phones was an amazing feat.

Anyway, I sat down and shortly after met the famed Fabio.

No pink shirt (to my dismay).
I did, however notice that he was wearing a CTR ring.



This convinced me that he probably wasn't gay,
and that perhaps there was some explanation for his pink shirt.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I noticed he would always talk to this old lady.
I thought it was super weird because he was so young and always spent his time
with this other woman.
(this woman turned out to be his MOM.)

Our seats were not assigned either so my friends and I would move around quite often. One day my friend said to me,

"Kim, don't you notice that Fabio always sits next to you?"

I hadn't really noticed up until that point, I just thought he was being nice and helpful. Tee hee. I did notice him on breaks and stuff that he would often be in close proximity to me. After that I started to notice that he took every opportunity to be by me.

A few weeks later I had some Pepperidge Farm cookies in my bag, and I asked Fabio if he wanted some...so I shared.

That began our deep conversations.

He asked me that night if I wanted to 'hang out' and go bowling with him and some of his friends.

I had to politely decline (it was a school night and my curfew was basically when I got off work).

He had no clue what a 'curfew' was.

Strike one for Fabio.



A couple days later, he asked me to 'hang out again'.

I finally got the idea that this guy had a THING FOR ME!

AHHHH. I wanted nothing to do with him. He was 22, and was only looking for a wife.

I was 18, and I had SO many plans. College, mission, backpack Europe. Etc...etc.

Marriage was THE furthest thing from my mind. My parent's marriage had ended in divorce and I was kind of anti-marriage at that point in my life.

Strike two for Fabio.



Again, he asked me out...

Strike three.

I have to tell you at this time in my life, I REALLY was busy an I had LEGITIMATE excuses to be turning this young man down.

I really didn't want to date him, he was from Brazil, and had a great accent, and he was kind of cute, but needed some serious wardrobe help...and really I didn't want to deal with it.

Strike four.

The poor guy asked me out FOUR times and I said NO each and every time.




The time came for my little group of trainees to move to another building. There was this small part of me that felt bad for this guy who had tried so hard to ask me out.

On the last night we were in the same building, I wrote my number down on a piece of paper and slid it to him.

I apologized for always being too busy to 'hang out' with him and told him to call me sometime.

I was pretty sure he wouldn't call.

I think I was hoping he wouldn't.

He called two days later.




I picked up the phone and it was Flavio!

He called wanting to know if I could go out and I said YES.

He was SO stunned that he stammered and sputtered.
(he hadn't even planned a date...so sure I was going to say no.)

He asked me to go to a birthday party of one of HIS Brazilian friends, and said:

"Do you want to meet me there?"

I said, "Well, that would be great except I have no idea who your friend is, and you are asking me out so you probably should come and pick me up."

Poor Flav.



He came and picked me up later that evening. I kept looking out the window for some atrocious beater car. When a super sporty red car pulled in front of my house and Flavio got out, I was floored.

Say what?!

Home Run.



We went out.

Here is where I would like to tell you it was the most romantic date ever.

It wasn't.

It was horrible.

We spent the evening with 30 or so Brazilians who spoke only Portuguese.

Not the best first date for someone who only knows English.

He took me home that night and I vowed not to do that again.

He called me the next week.

I decided to give him ONE more chance.



I am so glad that I did.

Our second date was the best I have ever been on.

I knew that night that this man was going to be my eternal companion.

Really. I. Did.

Strange but true.

Nine months later we were married.

I was still 18.



It was the best decision I ever made.

I love you sweet 'Fabio'.

So thankful for you.

Nine years.

3 Kids. 1 Angel.

and a hope for a million more years together.

Happy Anniversary Love.

Beautiful Thoughts

This has been a great topic of conversation lately between me and some of my closest friends.

This has been me.

I felt like she was talking about my heart. WOW.

I have felt this pain, and although our prayers were answered in a different way...families are amazing, and they are forever.

Of this I am certain.

Tears. Tears.

M.I.A

I never meant for the past month to go by like it did.
I meant to be here, blogging as usual, but time and life and
emotions slipped away from me as it sometimes does.

The month of May 2009
has been an amazing one.
One full of journeys and introspection.
It has also been one of being stuck on the outside looking in on people I love who are hurting and suffering, with no way of helping, except to say,
"I love you."
"That sucks more than anything." or
"I am here for you...whatever you may need."

In an effort to try to jump back into my blog, and to actually give you something worth reading and coming here for...here I am.
Hi.
I missed you.
I missed my blog.
My heart is still extremely heavy. Such is life, and somehow we must push forward and find what wonderful things are waiting for us.

Lots have been asking, (oh how I hate...no no...DETEST drawing attention to myself.)
Weird right? Considering this is MY. BLOG.
But it is true. I am shy, and would rather stay in the shadows...
but as per your request this was me and "Millz" (code name for blogging purposes) a month ago at six months.
Millz is a girl. I thought I made that clear? Some of you didn't know.
We are THRILLED, (Although Hubbs is still freaking a little at having two girls to take care of).
This little girl has been waiting A. LONG. TIME. to come to our family, and we have been waiting for her to FINALLY be on her way. FER REALZ!
Only 8-10 more weeks.
Squee!



Puffy and slouchy...oooo SO hawt. (Photo Courtesy of Hubbs May 3, 2009)



Here is my stunning Grammy and me the day my Papa passed away. Don't we look amazing? This lady just had hip replacement! A week after Papa's funeral. Isn't she bomb? Love you so much Grandma...and eat up on those Hershey bars okay?



The last picture of Grandpa. Hubbs took this one (that is why it sucksalicious...you know I love you baby...I am teasing, TEASING).
At first I really hated it...but now I love it.
I love my kids contemplating eternal life.
I love remembering the feeling in that room, although it was heartbreaking, it was very very spiritual.
So glad he is in a better place.
Love you Papa.



And one I took of my little man. Oh how I love him. He is my joy and my buddy.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week.
I am hoping you are all getting away for this Memorial weekend.
We were going to go to New Mexico, but seeing how blasted hot it is here, I am personally skipping out going into EXTREME temps.
Going to the pool today...and sleeping in ALL WEEKEND LONG!

What are your plans?

Opposition

****
Author Unknown
****

Cripple him, and you have
Sir Walter Scott

Lock him in a prison cell and you have
John Bunyan

Bury him in the snow of Valley Forge, and you have
George Washington

Raise him in poverty and you have
Abraham Lincoln

Subject him to bitter religious strife, and you have
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The only president to serve four terms in office

Burn him so severely in a school house fire that doctors say he will never walk again, and you have
Glen Cunningham,
who set the world record in 1934 for running the mile in 4 minutes 6.7 seconds

Deafen a genius composer and you have Ludwig von Beethoven

Drag him more dead than alive from a rice paddy and you have
Rocky Blyer,
running back for the great 1970 decade Pittsburgh Steelers

Have them born in a society filled with racial prejudice, and hatred
and you have
Booker T. Washington,
Harriet Tubman,
and Martin Luther King Jr.

Have him born in a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down at age 4, and you have
Itzhak Pearlman,
the incomparable violinist

Call him retarded and write him off as uneducated, and you have
Albert Einstein

Amputate the cancer ridden leg of a young Canadian and you have
Terry Fox,
who ran half way across Canada on an artificial leg

Take both legs away from him and you have
Douglas Bader,
an RAF fighter pilot who was captured three times by Germans and escaped three times on artificial limbs

Label him too stupid to learn and you have
Thomas Edison

Blind him at the age of 44 and you have
John Milton,
who 16 years later, wrote The Great Paradise Lost

Call him dull, hopeless, and a flunk out of school in the 6th grade, and you have the famous statesman
Winston Churchill

Tell a boy who loves to draw that he has no talent, and you have
Walt Disney

Spit on Him, mock Him, humiliate Him, betray Him, and crucify Him, and He forgives you...

****

I am back, after a long week. You have been missed. Have had a lot of things going through my mind the past week, about trials and suffering. I have watched many over the past two weeks. It has saddened my heart but also has renewed my faith in who we are and what we can accomplish and overcome.

To all of my friends who are dealing with opposition right now...please know I love you and I am thinking of you. My heart is truly with you.

Hope you all have a beautiful week!

Only...

...one more day of emotional drainment and I'll be back.

Had some really neat experiences regarding my
Grandpa and his passing.

Can't wait to share.

For now?

Sleep.
Yes please!

According to...

...random.org the winner is:

"Amber Ro said...

Oh, I would love to win...amsrobbins@gmail.com"

Congratulations Amber!

Your certificate has been sent to you.

Remember to redeem it by Saturday, May 9, 2009 to get your prize.

Thank you to all who participated! SO glad I didn't have to choose the winner!
And a special thank you to
Goldsmith Co. Jewelers
for the generous gift.

Hope you all got your pearls and started your Pandora bracelet.

(I am off for a few days as my grandfather passed away on Sunday night.
My family needs me as we prepare for his funeral.
See you after Friday. Loves to all.)

Meu irmao.

My big brother Marcus and me. Circa Spring 2006
(Photo by www.leishakelsey.blogspot.com)

All my life growing up I longed for a super close family. I think I would have done well to have had fifteen brothers and sisters. In some ways we were close, in others we were really distant.

For 9 years of my life I was the youngest child. For those same 9 years I had one person to which I could rely upon. That was my big brother. Isn't he so studly? Oh and he blogs which is totally radical.

When I was seven and he was ten-ish our parents split. It was prolly for the best, of course looking back, we know it was. But for me, I felt like I lost something, I lost my older brother.

Both of us had a lot more responsibility placed upon us. Up until that time our mama was home, she made us dinner, she saw us off to school. Then our mom had to start working, and it was up to Big Brother (further on in this post to be referred to as BB) to help get me to school safely, and after school he would help my mom start dinner. I have vague memories of this time in my life...but so many of them are full of memories with my BB. (Thanks for always keeping me safe yo...and for teaching me the street smarts when we lived in downtown SLC.)

Upon walking to school each day, we passed this little ghetto grocery store. Sometimes we would have quarters and such and would get some sort of treat or small token item out of the machines on our way to or from school.

When we moved out of our "home" and away from the only place we ever knew...things
like this
started happening.

And eventually as we each reached our teen years, we weren't as loving to one another as we had been when we were little. There were many a day when holes were kicked in walls or doors when our parents were gone to work. Tee hee. Sad, sad times.

I am thankful to have the relationship I have now with my BB. I love his beautiful wife, and their son is my little pride and joy. I never knew how wonderful it felt to be an aunt until he was born.

We have seen each other through so much.

Broken bones, two divorces, illness, death, and so much more.

I hope that my kids can continue to grow up and continue the close relationship that they have with each other.

I get a little misty when I think I won't have that huge family that I always dreamed of...

(It was 8 not 15...but dang, Heavenly Father most def knows that I am not capaple of mothering 8 kids)

...but I am thankful that thus far in our little lives I have been able to be home for them when they go to school and come home, and that I am helping to nurture their friendship and loving bond.

Mostly, I just hope that they don't put holes in my walls like we did to our mom. Sorry mom. :)

Draper, Utah Temple Open House

Photo Courtesy of JD. Thanks!

My heart has been full the past few days. Tears come quite easily when I think back to Monday when it was our turn to go to the Draper Temple Open House.

Firstly, if you haven't gone, you must. Secondly, if you have any opportunity to go, you must.

(This opportunity is available for all, (not just members of the LDS church) all you need to do is reserve a spot and voila!)

The look of joy and excitement on my children's faces was remarkable, especially my little five year old. He was ecstatic to have the opportunity to go to the temple! He was so curious and happy the entire day. It was all he could stand to get through the video and onto the bus. We, of course got the oldest bus in the whole operation, it was dirty, and loud, and "scawy" (as Memms put it) but it was an adventure!

Pulling up to the temple, the feeling of peace was immediate. Walking through the long passageways of tents until we reached the entrance was more than J-Man could handle...he was ready to be INSIDE!

I loved the opportunity to hold his little hand the entire way through. His curiousity and continuing questions made me realize how important my example of the temple is to him, and will continue to be to him throughout his life. I want him to long to go back there when he is old enough. He assures me when he is 12 he is going to go and do the work he can do, until he can do more. He is thrilled!

Walking into the Celestial Room, I lost it. Being there with my sweetheart and my children, and holding them close as we looked up at the seemingly endless ceiling and the beautiful chandelier...tears streamed down my face. Oh how I long to have this little family forever and to feel such perfect love and peace forever with them. How awesome will that be?!

The last room we entered was the sealing room. Amazing, breathtaking, marvelous. The spirit was strong! Wow. I can hardly explain.

SO thankful to have had such a wonderful opportunity. In all my times attending the temple, I seem to forget the power that is there, it's strength and magnitude. Wonderous.

The tour ends in the adjacent church building, where there is a beautifully decorated reception hall, and they even have...brace yourselves:

COOKIES! Yes, cookies. This was more bliss than my little ones could handle.

We ended the afternoon with a wonderful lunch out, together as a family. How I am holding each one of my lovies closer the past few days.

I hope you have the opportunity to go.