A Story of Alzheimer's By Me
The actual story began many years ago, after my grandfather went into the nursing home (I want to say it wasn't too long before Jothan was born) I began taking photographs of our experiences there. This began at a time when I was NOT a photographer, I had no training, and the ONLY camera I did have then was an old Minolta SLR that had belonged to my grandfather.
Mostly the photos we took on visits were the normal ones you would take if you went to visit your grandfather. Occasionally I would stop by on my own to visit with him, and if I had my camera I may snap a few here and there. It was never anything I have shared with anyone. To be honest I am not even sure where all of those photos are now. But I did it for my sake.
Alzheimer's was such a thief to the life of this man. He is the reason I love photography. It was his grandfather that created the love for him (and me), as he was one of the first to photograph Zion National Park. When I inherited his camera, it took a few years for me to actually just DO what I had always wanted to do, since I was little and had seen my grandpa doing it...just taking photos of things that he loved...I wanted to do that too. Once I finally jumped in, I have never been happier. I often times wonder if the thief had not come into our lives what great adventures we would have had together. Would I even be shooting right now? I hope that I would. He would have loved Hawaii. I would have liked to have gone there with him. I think he would be ALL over digital. he would think my tele is the best, that would be his weapon of choice, I have his tele...a Sigma. Wow how Sigma has grown over the years. I remember asking my grandma how much it cost, "A Lot!"
Anyway, so this recent work of mine was really painful for me. For so many reasons. For two years I have been wanting to do this. Needing to do this, but to tell the entire "story" and be photojournalistic about it was more than I thought I could handle. I can't look at the photos without crying. It wasn't until a week ago that I got the call that this may be his time, as pnuemonia is raveging his body, that I needed to go, and that I couldn't wait any longer. I debated on if I could do it, I almost hired a photographer friend of mine to capture this for me. Only because I didn't think I could. I did it though. It isn't perfect, but it is what it is and to me it is beautiful.
I learned something great that day. Jothan was so sad/nervous. He didn't know what was happening, he asked me, "Mom, can I take a picture?" So I just metered for him for a while and let him compose and shoot. Then finally put it on Av mode and let him go. The things he saw, the way he saw them...tell another story...I'd like to share:
He took this one of me. I love it for so many reasons. He has this "natural eye for composition". Something my first photography teacher said to me, that was one of the greatest compliments I have ever been given and I am happy to give it to my son.
My grandfather. There is just something about this one. Even on Av mode it turned out. I love it. The line, the composition.
This one just gets to me. It makes me feel trapped...then he began shooting things outside.
These speak to me.
I'm taking away from this the hope that my son will grow to love what my grandfather and I love so much. That one day he can capture all of the things my papa didn't have a chance to do.
We had a very sacred experience last week, my grandmother told us a remarkable story about a blessing that my grandpa's home teachers, who themselves are frail and in wheelchairs gave to him. And after more than eleven years of wondering why, now we know!
I know you didn't have to read this, if you did I hope you take away some small appreciation for life, for memory, for your little ones. Hug them close. I needed to keep this memory for me most of all!
