Yearbook 2010: February

February looks super lame. I took 5 photos that month? They were all digital? Sad, sad times. (Okay, so I may have taken more, which I am almost POSITIVE I did, proof may be in the stack of 5 or so discs I just found from Walgreen's.) I'll check them out and let you know, but for now...

Yep. That's it. Not even a photo of Joth. BOO.

Anyway. I'll share another one of my resolutions. Take time each day to hug each of my kids, look them in the eye, and do SOMEthing that THEY want to do. Today, I took time to help Memms write a story. She REALLY likes writing stories and drawing pictures to go with them. Actually, she draws the pictures and then we write the story together. Afterwards I kissed her ginormous cheeks repeatedly. She is the sweetest girl I know.

Millz? Well, I held her on my lap for what seemed like two hours while I worked. That is what she seemed to want to do, so I let her. I also gave her some of my leftover birthday cake from The Cheesecake Factory. She really liked that.

Joth? He has been at school all day, but I plan on taking him with me to run a few errands before we are off to our cousin Lance's funeral. Jobby tends to get super tired and crabby after school, so I hope to tickle him and be silly with him and let him pick a treat from the store. Possibly I'll give into the Hot Wheels car he always tries to get me to buy.

Yep, these are the days, and they are quickly speeding past us. This week I lost two family members. Lance, and my Great Grandma Thurgood. Tears well up when I think of all the times I let the 'other stuff' get in the way of the right now.

Trying super hard to remember this each and every day.

Hope your days are full of as much joy as I am trying to find in mine.

xoxo

First Real Cut

Two weeks ago after Millz had a shower with Hubbs, I decided enough was enough. I had to rid her of her awful tresses.

She had a haircut when she was six days old. We did it with all of the kids, you know, to keep some of that sweet, super dark newborn hair before it all falls out. Then she had one when she was about six months old because we had been giving her beautiful little faux-hawks and wanted t0 keep that style.

As she got more hair, that haircut backfired and she ended up looking more mullet-like than adorable toddler. All she needed was a creepy 80's stache and all would be well.

So, I sat her down, and in my haste forgot to take a photo of the before, plus it is really hard to cut hair, take photos of said cutting, and then take photos after. I got one of the three, not bad.

I cut about 1.5" off of her adorable curls. (I know some of you are scoffing and saying, "Curls? What curls?" Just so you know this is as curly as it gets in our house.)

She went from such nicknames as, "Witch hair" "White Trash Hair" "Rat's Nest" "Ugly" Etc, etc (Aren't we endearing?), to pretty much calling her the same thing. Girl is all business in the front and ratty party in the back, but at least now she lacks the mullet-like rat's nest in the back.

Today she actually looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. As of today, no one has even noticed her haircut.

Love this squishy girl. Love, love, love, love her.

Also? She moves a lot when taking photos. Hence why these are so out of focus.

Funk.

I hate to say that I am in a funk.
Truth is?

I am kind of in a funk.

I can tell you exactly what started it even.
The problem?

I don't really want to share why.

It is silly, it is not important to anyone but me. Still, it started this enormous wave of self-doubt, it brought back great and painful feelings of loss, and really, I would just like to forget it, jump over it, and continue onward. I am not to that point, I don't have the ability as much as I long for it. So, I am treading through, praying, hitting my knees, longing for the answer that won't come and I am heartbroken because of it all.

Sigh.
Deep. Breath.
Sigh.

Other than that? My kids are growing so fast. Can you believe how ginormous she is?

I wish she didn't feel the need to act like she is 20. She is getting so big, and so smart, and SO funny. She brings us all so much joy. I am still so amazed that her brother and sister can have so much love for her. I am so pleased with them. There has not been one single moment of jealousy toward her. She came into their lives and she was loved from the very moment. I am not sure how many parents can say the same, but the dynamic between them all has tears spilling over.

My life is good. Truly, truly, truly good. Funk and all. It is good, and I realize that, and that is what is going to get me to the other side.

How do you de-funkify?

Happy Halloween, er uh...Thanksgiving!

So, I have had these photos for a few weeks, but with the busy season lots of things have been neglected, things like my own photos, my blog, and the dishes. (Although I don't care much about the dishes.)

This year we got to go trick or treating on Mr. J's birthday. He was super adorable in his racecar driver costume. He was so excited about wearing it, in fact he did for a few weeks before the big day. Memmy chose to be a witch again. She was a witch when she was 2. I always hope they will choose something new and exciting, but I also love for them to choose for themselves, so a witch she was. A cute and adorable witch at that. Zilly was Little Bo Peep. Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss on her all day long. That little face of hers. Gah.

We went and visited grandparents that day, and went trick or treating at the mall. Where are those photos you ask? Well, I only brought the Polaroid and my lens broke after the first photo I took. I was SO bummed but super thankful that I had taken these shots before leaving.

When we got home that night all prepped to make Jobb's cake, but he got sick...SUPER sick for a few days and we weren't able to make his 'cake' (really brownies that he chooses every year...) until a few days later.

Here he is feeling MUCH better and ready to blow out his seven candles:

Love you buddy. Hope this is one of your best years yet.

Savoring Summer

Loving these last moments of summer.

Going outside on Sunday evenings and letting the kids play.

Grabbing my camera and just shooting them, over and over and over.

Fall is on it's way.

I feel it in the crisp mornings and the chilly evenings.

Soon the frost will come, and with it the short days and long nights of winter.

For now, relishing in these last moments of summer, soaking in as much sun and warmth as I can...

...and loving in this little one whose days are passing just as quickly as the summer has, and listening to her constant (and new) "Mama! Mama! Mama!"

I know...

...I am a cracker jack blogger.

For that I apologize. It is THE busiest time of year for me. Fall = family photos for EVERYONE. It also is the beginning of the holiday season, which for the r house couture, means crazy orders and boutiques. (Which we love.) Did I mention we just celebrated our first birthday, the r house couture I mean? I didn't...well we did, and it is incredible.

But this post is not about that, it is about how I left you for an entire week with no new posts. Nothing new is really going on besides said busy-ness. I have been incredibly happy, incredibly busy, and trying with all of my might to keep these people from growing.

But alas, they don't listen to me. Just like my cravings for brownies COMPLETELY ignored me the past weekend. (I was doing SO good with my diet and exercise.) I feel so icky for eating them, but they tasted SO good. (I blame Aunt Flow, damn her.)

Anyway, enough of this MEZCLA of a cracker jack post for this cracker jack blogger. Come see me next Thursday in Draper mmmmmkkkk? The ladies and I will be having a boutique with our new lovlies. Designs only available at our boutiques this year.

(pssst. click to enlarge.)

Okay. Done. Next time you come it will be a lot better and I promise to not blog at 1 a.m. and to make sure I am well rested the night before I blog. Love you all. Really, I do. xoxo

Crazy Busy

In a good way.

It is fall, and with it comes the mass of family portrait sessions (which I love and greatly missed last year while I was out on maternity leave).

I have missed shooting, the crazy business of it all. The shooting, and now developing and scanning and editing and packaging (oh I have the cutest packaging now).

I am in the midst of a rebrand with my photography business. I am very excited about the changes and the custom site I am saving up my pennies for. It will be everything I have ever dreamed about times a bajillion. I think I will feel like a big girl and a true professional once all of those things are squared away. I can't wait to show you the big unveil as it gets closer. (In four months.)

For now, stay tuned to the photography blog for some beautiful new sessions going up, and for a giveaway in another week for a print of your choosing. It will be great fun.

For now, enjoy some Polaroid beauty. (I promise I have photos of the other kids, but these are just melting me today.)

Loves,

Me

"I'm not your assistant!"

Monday was a busy day. I was rushing to get J-Man to his first day of school, rushing to get us all dressed and out the door so we girls could get haircuts after we dropped off J-Man.

In my rush I asked Memms to help me feed Millz. (I have always held her bottle for her, she can hold it, but it is really up to her to decide if she feels like doing so. On this particular occasion she was adamant that she wasn't going to hold it. Hence my asking Memms for help.)

The conversation went as follows:

Me: "Memms! Mama needs your help to feed Millie, will you come hold her bottle for her?"

Memms (directed toward Millz): "Zilly, I am not your assistant!"

Me: Full on laughing my guts out, and running to grab the camera as proof.

Don't you think the point is made even clearer by Millzies hands ABOVE HER HEAD.
GAH! The hilarity.

Love these girls. Love them. Love that even though Memms is really NOT Millz's assistant, she does it anyway because she loves her.

I hope that they are always besties.

Next first steps.

(you like my new film camera? my new bff! contax 645 fuji 400h)

I know you think the title of this post is about her, but it isn't. It is about her mom. Her mom that isn't quite sure how to take the next few steps in her life knowing that she won't be a new mom again during this life. EVER. It is making her mom very sad, and her mom is having a hard time with that. Silly I know, but true nonetheless.

In case you were wondering, her mom is me. :)

Isn't she just the cutest thing? Oh my goodness how I have loved and enjoyed her.
(Please note the chalk all over her...and her adorable chalk art on our driveway.)

I think the big birthday celebration last week, with Millz turning one threw me for a little loop I wasn't expecting. I wasn't expecting to have such a joyous occasion bring a little bit of tears and depression to my heart. It did, but I am getting over that. It is just par for the course. Big days bring big realizations that she is our last little nut. She isn't quite taking her own first steps yet. Although she took 6 outside yesterday because she was desperate to play with the neighbor's dog.

So, anyway, back to me. I just don't know how to take the next first steps in my life. The steps out of family building and into family rearing. I know I have been doing that all along for the past six years. But this? This is a different feeling. Instead of planning on how to get the next child here, we are now planning on when the last child enters school, then what will I do? I am not wishing time away, but minds naturally go that route. Ahhhh.

I just want to freeze time. Freeze these moments with my three babies and keep them this size for twice as long. I wish the days were longer only to have more time to kiss their cheeks, rub their sweet feet, read to them. More time for that and less time for all of the other garbage would be blissful. Perhaps those need to be my next first steps. My first steps into being a better mother with nothing to worry about except them! I am going to work on that.

One.

beautiful image by jonathan canlas. (thank you.)

I can't believe you are one my sweet girl.
You complete us.
All of us.
You were worth every tear.

Thank you for your constant smile, and all of your sweet kisses.
Love you sweet baby.

Beautiful.

Beautiful film.
Beautiful light.
Beautiful girl.

Oh my goodness.
How I love her.
She keeps trying to grow up on me.
One day I am going to figure out how to make time stop.
Until then, I won't stop trying.

Like, when I feed her a bottle, and she rubs her little hands on my face.
Like, when I am secretly so glad that she only wants ME. (Certainly that will change in a few months.)
Like, when I am kind of glad she hasn't figured out how to walk yet. (And I might not be sad if she crawled forever.)
Like, her tiny tip toes standing up to reach something. (Wishing those feet could stay that size forever.)

These are the moments I want to freeze.

How are you trying to stop time? Because I need all the help I can get!

Sister Study

Lots of people compare Memms and Millz. It is only natural, considering they are sisters.

It wasn't until recently, as I began pulling out clothes that Memms used to wear, and putting them on Millz when I decided to start taking a few photos if I got the chance to compare them side by side.

Memms is on the left of each of these, and Millz is on the right.







There are definitely some sisterly traits. That is for sure.
Memms, however, was much chubbier in the cheek area.
(She still is and is much kissable for it.)
Memms also had fuller lips than Millz.
Millz, I have decided is a perfect mix between her brother and her sister, but again,
a much thinner version of both of them when they were babies.

This got me thinking about my own sisters.
There is almost 12 years between me and my next closest sister.
They have a different biological father, so I never really compared myself physically with them.
Until I took their portraits at the end of last school year, and holy hannah.
Well, see for yourself.



Sisters are rad.
I wish mine were closer in age to me, and I wasn't more like a mom to them than a sister.
Glad that Memms and Millz will have a good opportunity to be friends.
To grow together.
I can't wait!

M.I.A.

It seems like our little house has been hit hard with illness this winter.

This past week has been no exception, especially with this little one.
She has been SO sick.
After 48 hours and three VERY sleepless nights, I took her into the doctor.
Ear infection. He listened to her lungs, and we were given the strict warning to watch her over the next 24 hours to make certain her breathing did not worsen.
Did you know pneumonia was going around for these tinies?
Neither did I!

Luckily, after her second day of eating only 12 ounces (yes that is for the WHOLE day)
and not eating for 24 hours before that...
she is still holding her own.
Not better, but not worse, and after FIVE sleepless nights,
of holding and sleeping with her on the couch...tonight
she is SLEEPING.
SOUNDLY
Not a cough here or there.
I think we may be out of the woods.

Bliss.

Anyway, that is where I have been.
Hoping that as she gets feeling better I can get back to the blogging game.
I have so much to discuss...and guys, I am WORKING again, so that means I will get to visit your bloggy blogs when I work!

See you soon!

We played with color.

(Shot on a Polaroid 600 SE with Fuji 100C)

My scanner blowz...or should I say Hubb's scanner blowz.

Oh well, today the sun was shining...and we all got our warm clothes on and went outside to play in the sun and with color.

DELISH.

Sometimes I get too excited on the rangefinder...I just want to click before I think to recompose just a bit...hence why her little hand is cut off.

I haven't had so much fun creating in a long time.
Just what I needed.

(pardon my literal dust...MY computer is COMPLETELY bunk which means no photoshop to clean up the scan all nice and pretty.)

Have a happy weekend all!
xoxo

I have no words.

Polaroid 600 SE

Are carrots better for your eyes...

...if you put them IN your eyes?

Apparently Millz thinks so.

Yoga Master

Film goodness, shot on Fuji 400H

Namaste.

Last Baby Blues

6 months.

Crawling. Yes, crawling.

It has been hard to really get myself to believe that she is our last baby.

It is funny how you come to a decision, it feels so right, and then your heart sometimes doesn't want to let you believe it. Sometimes it is easier to second guess your decisions and choices.

Especially in this case.

Because this one has been so gosh darn sweet, and such a joy to us.
I think she knew how much I needed her to stay small.
She is our most petite baby.

I love every inch of her.

I have her memorized.

Today, I took down the cradle in my bedroom.
She officially shares a room with her big sister.
The first of many long nights chattering with her and telling secrets and talking about boyfriends and school I am sure.

I took the baby swing down, it is in the car waiting to be returned to those from whence the borrowing of it came.

All of the four ounce bottles are packed away in the garage, awaiting the yearly yard sale.

The tiny little clothes except for a few put away for her and sissy are officially given away,
with another batch to go out tomorrow.

Oh how I love this tiny girl. She has brought us so much joy.

Kisses Millz. So thankful for you.

You were worth every second of the wait, every heartache.
I have said it before, and I will say it again, I would do it all over in a heartbeat.

Just stop growing so fast okay?

My Millz.

Just checked my mail.

As in, the old skool kind.

Had a pleasant surprise from Crystalyn today.

Thank you.

I had forgotten she was ever this small.

Love you.

"The 'breastfast' of champions."

A story of weaning.

5 months

That is it. It is all I can do. It is the farthest I have gotten with any of my babies.

I feel kind of 'meh'.

I want my body back.

Selfish I know.

Part of it probably has something to do with the fact I am flying with my sweet baby in about two weeks, and I really, REALLY don't feel comfortable nursing while I sit in the middle of two complete strangers.

Really? I know teeth are coming and I am afraid.

Also? I am really fat.

Like, REALLY.

Like, I have never been so big in my ENTIRE life.

This makes me sad.

My body holds onto every gram of fat I put into it, like a squirrel gathering nuts for winter, my body thinks that it must not let any of it go for fear it can't produce enough milk for this little one.



Do I feel guilty? A tiny bit.

JUST a tiny bit.

(I feel more guilt about the day we pierced her ears...now that is a tragedy.)

I do know however that I am going to be a MUCH better mom when I am not so stressed about whether or not she is getting enough, or that I have to be home within three hours from the exact time I leave the house. A little excited that maybe I can sleep through the night one of these weekends when my husband doesn't work, as this sweet face STILL wakes up every three hours at night. I am a zombie.

Love this sweet tiny thing. She brings me so much joy. Thank you Millz for not making me feel guilty when I gave you that bottle of formula for the first time in your little life today.

Thank you for drinking it right down and
smiling
through it all.

Just what I needed, you are definitely a champ.