Yearbook 2010: February

February looks super lame. I took 5 photos that month? They were all digital? Sad, sad times. (Okay, so I may have taken more, which I am almost POSITIVE I did, proof may be in the stack of 5 or so discs I just found from Walgreen's.) I'll check them out and let you know, but for now...

Yep. That's it. Not even a photo of Joth. BOO.

Anyway. I'll share another one of my resolutions. Take time each day to hug each of my kids, look them in the eye, and do SOMEthing that THEY want to do. Today, I took time to help Memms write a story. She REALLY likes writing stories and drawing pictures to go with them. Actually, she draws the pictures and then we write the story together. Afterwards I kissed her ginormous cheeks repeatedly. She is the sweetest girl I know.

Millz? Well, I held her on my lap for what seemed like two hours while I worked. That is what she seemed to want to do, so I let her. I also gave her some of my leftover birthday cake from The Cheesecake Factory. She really liked that.

Joth? He has been at school all day, but I plan on taking him with me to run a few errands before we are off to our cousin Lance's funeral. Jobby tends to get super tired and crabby after school, so I hope to tickle him and be silly with him and let him pick a treat from the store. Possibly I'll give into the Hot Wheels car he always tries to get me to buy.

Yep, these are the days, and they are quickly speeding past us. This week I lost two family members. Lance, and my Great Grandma Thurgood. Tears well up when I think of all the times I let the 'other stuff' get in the way of the right now.

Trying super hard to remember this each and every day.

Hope your days are full of as much joy as I am trying to find in mine.

xoxo

Funk.

I hate to say that I am in a funk.
Truth is?

I am kind of in a funk.

I can tell you exactly what started it even.
The problem?

I don't really want to share why.

It is silly, it is not important to anyone but me. Still, it started this enormous wave of self-doubt, it brought back great and painful feelings of loss, and really, I would just like to forget it, jump over it, and continue onward. I am not to that point, I don't have the ability as much as I long for it. So, I am treading through, praying, hitting my knees, longing for the answer that won't come and I am heartbroken because of it all.

Sigh.
Deep. Breath.
Sigh.

Other than that? My kids are growing so fast. Can you believe how ginormous she is?

I wish she didn't feel the need to act like she is 20. She is getting so big, and so smart, and SO funny. She brings us all so much joy. I am still so amazed that her brother and sister can have so much love for her. I am so pleased with them. There has not been one single moment of jealousy toward her. She came into their lives and she was loved from the very moment. I am not sure how many parents can say the same, but the dynamic between them all has tears spilling over.

My life is good. Truly, truly, truly good. Funk and all. It is good, and I realize that, and that is what is going to get me to the other side.

How do you de-funkify?

Happy Halloween, er uh...Thanksgiving!

So, I have had these photos for a few weeks, but with the busy season lots of things have been neglected, things like my own photos, my blog, and the dishes. (Although I don't care much about the dishes.)

This year we got to go trick or treating on Mr. J's birthday. He was super adorable in his racecar driver costume. He was so excited about wearing it, in fact he did for a few weeks before the big day. Memmy chose to be a witch again. She was a witch when she was 2. I always hope they will choose something new and exciting, but I also love for them to choose for themselves, so a witch she was. A cute and adorable witch at that. Zilly was Little Bo Peep. Oh my goodness, I just want to kiss on her all day long. That little face of hers. Gah.

We went and visited grandparents that day, and went trick or treating at the mall. Where are those photos you ask? Well, I only brought the Polaroid and my lens broke after the first photo I took. I was SO bummed but super thankful that I had taken these shots before leaving.

When we got home that night all prepped to make Jobb's cake, but he got sick...SUPER sick for a few days and we weren't able to make his 'cake' (really brownies that he chooses every year...) until a few days later.

Here he is feeling MUCH better and ready to blow out his seven candles:

Love you buddy. Hope this is one of your best years yet.

I know...

...I am a cracker jack blogger.

For that I apologize. It is THE busiest time of year for me. Fall = family photos for EVERYONE. It also is the beginning of the holiday season, which for the r house couture, means crazy orders and boutiques. (Which we love.) Did I mention we just celebrated our first birthday, the r house couture I mean? I didn't...well we did, and it is incredible.

But this post is not about that, it is about how I left you for an entire week with no new posts. Nothing new is really going on besides said busy-ness. I have been incredibly happy, incredibly busy, and trying with all of my might to keep these people from growing.

But alas, they don't listen to me. Just like my cravings for brownies COMPLETELY ignored me the past weekend. (I was doing SO good with my diet and exercise.) I feel so icky for eating them, but they tasted SO good. (I blame Aunt Flow, damn her.)

Anyway, enough of this MEZCLA of a cracker jack post for this cracker jack blogger. Come see me next Thursday in Draper mmmmmkkkk? The ladies and I will be having a boutique with our new lovlies. Designs only available at our boutiques this year.

(pssst. click to enlarge.)

Okay. Done. Next time you come it will be a lot better and I promise to not blog at 1 a.m. and to make sure I am well rested the night before I blog. Love you all. Really, I do. xoxo

Never ending summer.

Aren't you loving this never ending summer? (At least here in Utah it is staying blissfully warm.) I like it like that. Where there is just the teensiest bit of chill in the morning and in the evening that is letting you know fall is on its way. But, it can take it's time.

Some photos from the past few weeks.

All taken on a Yashica Mat24G the SUPER close up ones were with the CRAPPIEST close up filters I have ever seen. I swear they are made of plastic or something. The film? Some OLD Kodak Portra 400NC I got from THE Ryan Muirhead. His work is bomb...you should check it out. Anyway, the older film gets the more whack the color is. Hence why these look so...well, whack. But all is well, I love them all, for their plastic-lensy feel and for the subjects. I think they turned out beautifully and truly express how I am feeling these days. Like the summer, I never want these days to end.

Hope you all have a BLISSFUL weekend. I have an amazing session in the morning and then I am free to spend it with the ones I love. Hope you can too.

Enjoy.

xoxo

Next first steps.

(you like my new film camera? my new bff! contax 645 fuji 400h)

I know you think the title of this post is about her, but it isn't. It is about her mom. Her mom that isn't quite sure how to take the next few steps in her life knowing that she won't be a new mom again during this life. EVER. It is making her mom very sad, and her mom is having a hard time with that. Silly I know, but true nonetheless.

In case you were wondering, her mom is me. :)

Isn't she just the cutest thing? Oh my goodness how I have loved and enjoyed her.
(Please note the chalk all over her...and her adorable chalk art on our driveway.)

I think the big birthday celebration last week, with Millz turning one threw me for a little loop I wasn't expecting. I wasn't expecting to have such a joyous occasion bring a little bit of tears and depression to my heart. It did, but I am getting over that. It is just par for the course. Big days bring big realizations that she is our last little nut. She isn't quite taking her own first steps yet. Although she took 6 outside yesterday because she was desperate to play with the neighbor's dog.

So, anyway, back to me. I just don't know how to take the next first steps in my life. The steps out of family building and into family rearing. I know I have been doing that all along for the past six years. But this? This is a different feeling. Instead of planning on how to get the next child here, we are now planning on when the last child enters school, then what will I do? I am not wishing time away, but minds naturally go that route. Ahhhh.

I just want to freeze time. Freeze these moments with my three babies and keep them this size for twice as long. I wish the days were longer only to have more time to kiss their cheeks, rub their sweet feet, read to them. More time for that and less time for all of the other garbage would be blissful. Perhaps those need to be my next first steps. My first steps into being a better mother with nothing to worry about except them! I am going to work on that.

My batteries need recharging.

I feel like the stars aligned tonight as I sit at my kitchen table working, in my bare feet. It is late, and the day has been filled with screaming kids, noisy toys, and shutter releases of happy faces, dirty faces, crying faces, and sleepy faces.

Let us specifically talk about the noisy toys and the shutter releases. When I was little we did not have many toys that required batteries. I am so old I guess that it wasn't until I was almost out of the house that we started having things like hand held video games like the ancient versions of Nintendo DS and whatnot. None of which I ever had.

My mind goes to my little sisters and their Leap Pads. I am 12 and 15 years older than my sisters, so after I was married I was virtually their daycare provider for years. They would come to my house in the mornings and lug with them their Leap Pads, DS's and other various battery-operated toys. You would think it was a wise way for them to pass the time right? Well, yes and no. 99% of the time these toys were non-functioning. The batteries were dead. The reason they brought them to their big sister? They knew I would change the batteries. Even though I didn't grow up with them, I knew that Mom and Dad never changed the batteries in their toys. I mean, c'mon I understand why...batteries can be spendy, and toys can be extremely annoying, but for a kid, a toy with dead batteries is simply worthless.

So, I would change the batteries. I vowed from that day forth to always change the batteries in my children's toys.

Then I became a photographer. If I have a wedding I can go through 15+ batteries in each of my flash units in ONE DAY. Batteries are expensive, and the best brand on the market I found to run my flash units and my pocket wizards is hands down Energizer. More specifically the Energizer Ultimate Lithium Batteries. Once I tried these babies I could never go back. I could now go through a wedding day and not have to change the batteries from my flash, and for a photographer, not having to miss a moment is priceless! So, I stocked up so that I would always have some on hand. Then, one day after my six month leave of absence after having Millz, I went to my battery stash, and it was GONE!

In six months Hubbs, J-Man, Memms, and Millz had used up all of my batteries. They were strewn all over the house. Inside of Spiderman's bumm, the baby monitor's side (because really, we can't miss that Spanish radio or the Baptist preacher that streams through it, forget about the baby screaming her guts out). Some were in the Leapster, and the various Fisher Price friends. I screamed and wanted to run all around the house, screwdriver in hand to rescue my precious batteries. Of course, in the end I sucked it up and went to the store before my wedding, all the time cursing myself for my 'always replace the batteries oath'.

So, you may ask, what do bare feet and batteries have to do with stars aligning? I came across this super cute blog...and kept nodding my head when I read this post. I need me some of these Energizer Recharge Smart Charger. I need a million of them. That way I will have enough to share.

I am headed to New York in two weeks to attend BlogHer '10. To meet other sweet, funny, kind, adorable ladies like myself, and mostly to get away from the screaming kids and noisy toys. All the while hoping to recharge ME. I want to be an Energizer Smart ChargHER!

The main reason I NEED to be the Energizer Smart ChargHER more than anything is not for the money to buy more batteries, but for the simple reason that I have no wardrobe for BlogHer '10. I have been stressing for weeks about what to wear, and the Energizer shirt sounds like the perfect option, I just hope to be chosen in time to create my matching earrings and necklace ensemble, made from recycled batteries of course.

McBloggled's

So many posts swimming in my head. The last two weeks have been painfully rough as far as the big "D" (depression) is concerned. I wish it wasn't so consuming and I could get my grip easier. Some days, like the weekend, were so great, so light, I felt like I could do ANYTHING! Then it is amazing to me that the next day I don't even want to crawl out of bed. Just wishing I had been home this weekend to clean up the mess that piled up while my niece and nephews were here (an entirely different post in itself.)

Well, the past two weeks, although a roller coaster "D" wise, has been fun watching J-Man move from Kindergarten, into the next stage of his life. The big boy stage. We got to go to his school while they did a little program. (Not a 'graduation' oh thank GOODNESS!) It was super adorable. How I love him. (Please don't tell him I may or may not love him more when he is on his regime of going to school daily, and on a regular schedule, because the past two days have been terrible! I know he misses his friends and school.)

Afterward, we celebrated at McDonald's. I am 99% sure that my kids hate the food. They beg me to go regardless of this fact. They want the toys of course. I don't blame them, on either regard.

Can you believe I fixed Memms hair? Me either. It was the one and only day she let me. She hates 'ponies' and I will be the first to admit she doesn't look like Memms without her normal doo.

Does anyone else find it ironic that the happy meal is called a happy meal, but my kids look awfully upset?

• How is your summer going?
• What are you doing to keep your kids entertained and yourselves sane?

Year End

It has been such a busy month for us. When I was younger, school ended in the beginning of June, and then we had three months to just play and be lazy until school started up again. Our elementary school here, the one J-Man goes to is year-round. Oh how I love and hate it all at once. He was in school until last Friday, with one more day this week. It has made the month of June slide by so quickly, and it seems summer is almost halfway gone already.

In May, Memms had her preschool program. She was so adorable singing with her classmates. Her SUPERB teacher made these adorable books for each student. Full of photos throughout the year, and special questionnaires about 'your mom' and things of that nature. It made me bawl my eyes out.

The same day, J-Man has his karate testing. He got his orange belt and was BEAMING. He loves karate. He is really, really good. He can't wait to get his black belt one day...and I know he will. That boy puts his mind to something and he runs with it until it is his! (Hopefully this fall when he takes piano, he will have the same gumption.)

I love these two little people. They are the sweetest, most obedient little things ever. They make me smile, they hug me and kiss me a million times a day. If I am leaving, they are always screaming, "Miss you! Love you! Bye! Miss you! Love you! Bye!" Then running a million miles an hour, come and wrap their arms around me and kiss me until I am out the door. Being a mom is the hardest, but one of the most fulfilling callings I have ever had.

The best thing? They genuinely love one another. I mean, REALLY love each other. I couldn't ask for anything more than that.

I am very proud of them. So very proud of them.

Trapping mice.

Perfect Saturday morning.

Played board games with the kidlets. Had homemade ice cream. No TV.

Sitting at my computer with Millz in my lap as she babbles away telling me all about her day and how much she REALLY doesn't want to be put down. How, she would rather sit on my lap and keep grabbing at the mouse and shine it's red lasers into her eyes. At least, I am pretty sure that is what she is saying.

Off to go shoot a beautiful afternoon wedding.

Hope your day is as beautiful and perfect as mine has been.

xoxo

A typical morning at our house.

Pajamas on inside out.
Hair all askew.
Milk all over the table.
Cereal in bowls, slurp, slurp, slurp.

Oh, and then there are the kids....

:)

All the while, baby crawls around on the floor.

These are the mornings I crave never end. That they never grow out of wanting to sit together, and have breakfast, and talk. A nice slow pace. Thankful for this summer to soak it up before J-dawg goes to school full time, and our mornings turn into, well, something else.

Life. is. good.

Shot on Polaroid 600se with Fuji FP-100c Instant Film

I heart my life.

Heart it.

Sometimes life is crazy.
Yesiree.
No doubts about it.
THAT I would never sugar coat.
I will tell you that after 7 p.m. every night I turn into a screaming banshee.
I cannot wait for bedtime.
Some days, it doesn't come soon enough.
I long for five minutes to myself.

Out of 24 hours in a day, that is it though.

The rest of the time, is bliss and every answer to my prayer.
These little people rawk my world.

They are so smart, kind, sweet, joyful, lively, caring,
intelligent, insightful, innocent, and
perfect.

They are my reason for living and breathing.
I would give up everything for them.
I would die for them.

Such is the power of love.

They were worth every second of wait.
Every minute of hope.
Every hour of tears.
All of the ache.
All. of. it.

I squished them extra long and hard today.
Tickled a little more.
Looked into their eyes a little longer.

Just because.
Just.
Because.

Life. is. good.

What color?

...lately?
Sometimes blue.

I hate to say that.
It has been SO nice being able to FEEL again, to be ME again,
but the lows are harder to deal with most definitely.

Still, I am working through those lows and I have the realization and understanding that the lows are a part of life, and I can choose how I feel about them.
Being able to choose for myself hasn't been a part of my life in a while.
This week has thrown me for loops.
I am having to constantly recheck myself and reevaluate things in order to get myself back where I need to be emotionally.
Boy, am I glad this week is over today. I am calling it officially over today, tomorrow will be BLISS.

We as a family are making some big changes in our lives.
Not easy changes, but changes for the better nonetheless.
Necessary changes.
It isn't the time to share all of these changes completely,
suffice it to say,
we are downsizing almost everything in our lives.
Spinning a 180.

While I know it is right,
it is hard,
and often brings me to tears.
(usually when I am alone and have too much time by myself to think.)

BUT
We are so happy.
I have never been happier in my entire life.
I can honestly say that.
And these changes?
Will only make us happier.

For that I am thankful...and for that I say, 'bring on the changes!'
Nothing matters than what is right in front of me.
My three minis.
My husband.
Me.

Our life.

Happy to be living it.

Today,
well today was just hard and I am looking forward to tomorrow.

Enjoy our colored eggs, what color is your favorite?















Apparently Millz's favorite color is blue.
(and SHE can have it.)

**Post edit: Yes I do realize these are Easter pictures. Tee hee. Also, they were all shot on 400h Fuji film. I heart film.**

Are carrots better for your eyes...

...if you put them IN your eyes?

Apparently Millz thinks so.