"Olhe!...Po'tock...yeeee'haaaaw!"

This photo brings tears to my eyes. It says so much to me. My heart is so full of love for not only her, but for my sweet Hubbs and J too.

This girl is CRAZY...KRAZY...KrAzY...cRaZy...about anything horse. She sees a horse, it is "Olhe!...Po'tock...yeeeee'haaaaww!" Now, let me explain: Olhe means "Look!" in Portuguese, "po'tock" is really just a noise that Flavio makes in a processional, something like, "po'tock-eee, po'tock-eee, po'tockeee..." etc...if you say it really fast, it sounds very much like the stomping of a horses running hooves. Make sense? And "yee'haw" need I say more...? Hehehehe. So, ya, EVERY TIME she sees a horse that is what she says, "Olhe! Po'tock....yeeee'haaaaaaw!" I love it so much I point out horses to her. Love her. Why does this bring me SO much joy? Joy I tell you. Because my heart is so full of love for her, because SHE loves something so much. I cannot honestly remember when I was a child loving something that much, having so much passion about something, seeking it, living for it, loving it. My in-laws got her this little horse (Erin, it is from Costco...) and she is in love. I was going to get her a rocking horse for her Christmas present, (now I can't and I am a little sad, only because I thought it was the perfect gift, and found the perfect one...feeling a little selfish...) but love how much she loves this horse. Recognizing the love her grandparents had for her, in seeing the passion she has for all things horse. Can a two year old have a passion? I think so.

I am so thankful I get to watch her grow. I get to see her seek new passions. This photo tells me I am doing something right. She is basking in an innocence I can't remember having. A joy that I don't remember experiencing. I can't explain what that feeling would have done for me in my life, but I hope that when she is older, she can look back and feel that comfort and peace that comes with being able to connect to something. I am not even sure if this is making sense...but anything horse to her...is like my children are to me. They are my joy. They are my heart. They are my passion. Hubbs, I love you. Thank you for completing my life in a way I never knew possible. For allowing me the joy of being a mother. For being there when I have hard days (like today) even though you are thousands of miles away, you still felt with me. I miss you. I appreciate you. I am thankful for you. Your endless support of me is astonishing. The things you sacrifice for my happiness amaze me. I owe you the same and so much more and I know that at times I lack the ability to tell you, or to show you, but it is always there, and I am learning. Thanks for being my best friend...for being my, "Po'tock yeee'haaaaw" if you will! Forever grateful to you for showing me what passion is. What Joy is. May we be blessed with more in our life, and always look forward to more and more one day!

Yep, this photo says a lot. So grateful for it.

Feeling a little bit sad.

Dad and brother are gone for a few days. Hubbs' grandma is very sick, so they went to see her. Missing them terribly. Not sure who is missing them more, me or Memm. (I am pretty sure it is me.) *Tried* to talk to J the last few days...he wants nothing to do with me, just a waste of his time. Seriously, that is how he acted. It is okay though. I know he loves me. Talked to Hubbs, he said that when J doesn't want to do something he cries for me. Hmm, sounds a lot like Memm when she gets told not to do something, the first thing out of her mouth is, "Papai!!!" Hilarious.
Took these before he left. Love that face. Oooo so in love.
This looks like a hug, it is, in fact, a push! Oh well, at least he tries.
Ya feeling a little teary.

Tagged, I'm it.

Thanks Amanda!

What was I doing 10 years ago? Hmm, ten years ago I was...wha? Almost sixteen, probably wishing I could date. But seriously was a sophomore in high school, making some of the best friends of my life!

What was I doing 5 years ago? Five years ago I was also celebratiting our second wedding anniversary by going to Brasil! Oh man, it was such a great time. I was a pretty stressful time of my life. I wish I could go back and relive that trip with a much better attitude.

What was I doing 1 year ago? One year ago we were celebrating our first Christmas with Memm. I can't believe how much joy she has brought into our lives and how much J LOVES her. Ya seriously they love eachother. Cool, I know.

What was I doing yesterday? I was SICK! I mean I. WAS. SICK. I had THE worst headache I have had in. a. long. time. And a low grade fever. I was on the couch the whole day with the exception of diaper changing, and meals. Other than that it was thank goodness for PBS and Signing Time.

5 Snacks I enjoy - This would be easier to say five things I do not enjoy. Hmm, I like Ice Breakers antioxidant gum. I chew it as a snack I swear, six pieces at once. I love to snack on Special K Chocolate Delight or whatever it is. Bugles. Loaded Potato Bites from Arbys, and I love a good Hagan Daaz double chocolate ice cream bar...but really have to be in the mood.

5 things I would do if I had a million dollars - Pay Tithing, also pay off my house, and my cars, buy a new camera, and save the rest.

5 Places I would run away to - Brasil (two weeks is my limit though...sadly), Hawaii baybee, the mall, the camera store, and California.

5 T.V. Shows I Like - House, ER, Little House on the Prairie, The Brady Bunch, hmmm, this is hard, but love Law and Order.

5 Things I Hate Doing - I am so with Amanda on a few of these: laundry, dentist, ironing, housework (of all varieties) and cooking. Um, yes, you are right this says I am a horrendous housewife. It is okay, I make up for it once a week when I deep clean everything, and by my sweet nature! Love you Hubbs...thanks for putting up with me!

5 biggest joys of the moment - Hubbs, J-Man, Memms, my life, the gospel.

I am now tagging - Moosh in Indy, Lace, and Sarah.

Me...(and Memms).

It's been a long time since the camera was turned on me. I miss it. I wish I would have planned a little better, I would have tried harder to do something with myself...anyway, here "I" am...me, all me. Thanks Casey.

Thoughts

Today was a day of learning. A day of pondering, and after much thought, I have decided it will be a day of sharing. This is not something I share very often, and I think the reason I feel impressed to share it today is because I am sorting through it and hopefully there is someone else out there who needs to read this.

I few months ago I shared with you our story about our hope to adopt. I wish I still had that post to share, but this post will replace it and hopefully give a full account of that hope, and other feelings.

We have been in our new ward for almost five months. I have been getting to know people, and one person in particular. We sit together almost every Sunday. She and I just sort of clicked. I have been thankful for this partner each Sunday and look forward to our visits between Sunday School and Relief Society. A few weeks ago she had a beautiful baby boy. I have had the opportunity to hold him on a few occasions, and she has shared with me her feelings of "just wanting another one". I remember the day I brought Memm home from the hospital, I held her and cried and felt those same overwhelming feelings of wanting another child...right away. (Crazy I know...) I shared with Amy that I too felt that way after having my daughter...and well, that obviously didn't happen. I then casually brought up the fact that we had our paperwork in for adoption, and that I hadn't told many people (I'll explain why later...) but that we were also trying to get our license to do Foster Care. She looked me in the eye and said, "I already knew." I was like "What? Huh? How?" Totally assuming that people talk (you know how people are...I am guilty of it too!) She said no, that she had actually seen our profile on http://www.itsaboutlove.org/ while helping a person very close to her search for possible couples to place her baby with. I felt very, well, sad at that moment, and ashamed that I had not done a better job of sharing my testimony of adoption.

A year and months of pain and doctor's visits, and a surgery later after Hubbs and I were married, I was diagnosed with Endometriosis, and fibroid tumors. At that time I remember sitting in the office while our doctor explained the results of the laparoscopy, and talked about what this could mean for us. It was at that time we were told this condition could cause infertility, or problems being able to conceive and that it may be very difficult for us to conceive. I am not sure if this revelation made me want to "prove them wrong" or if it deepened a desire to have a child that may not have come otherwise, but it was in that office I decided that I would do all in my power to become a mother and be able to be blessed with a child. Up to that point in my life I had witnessed a few great examples of adoption. I made it a point that I would not spend years waiting and hoping for something that may never come. So, we set a "time limit" on our trying. I laugh because a month before our "deadline" when we would go into LDSFS and start our paperwork I found out I was pregnant with J-Man. A little over a year to the day we sat in that office and were told we may never have children. I still remember how I felt when I found out I was expecting J. I was elated, and frightened, and thankful for the opportunity to carry this precious spirit.

A year after J was born we had our paperwork in and ready to go into LDSFS, still with the same hope in mind that doing all that we could would allow our Heavenly Father to bless us with another child. Seven months later I found out that I was pregnant with little Memms. Again, elation, thankfulness, happiness, fear. (At least for me, pregnancy is a very frightening thing, not sure if anyone else ever felt that way.) We called our worker and let her know that we were pregnant and that our file would need to be placed on hold. Eight weeks later we received a phone call from the agency, someone had neglected to take our file off of the website, and a birth mother from Florida had chosen to place her baby with us. She knew that we were expecting a baby, and yet she still knew that we were the family that her son was meant to be a part of. This little boy was due in three weeks. I have never felt so blessed in my life. I was walking on clouds. We rushed and rushed to get everything ready for this little boy. We chose a name, and prepared for the trip to pick him up. About a week before he was due, we received another phone call from the agency telling us that this birth mom had decided to parent her child and that her fiance wanted to help her be able to keep him so that she could be a mother. This story is very sacred to me. I have never felt so crushed, so despaired, and yet felt so close to the Lord, and gained such a strong testimony of anything in my life. Feelings that are too sacred to share here. I am thankful for that birth mother. I am thankful to still have contact with her and with her amazing fiance, and to see that little boy growing up in a loving family, soon to be sealed to two loving parents and a little sister.

That experience left me a little scarred. I won't lie about that. Especially when Memms was approaching the age of one, and the time was coming that we could put our paperwork back in, hoping to have another baby placed into our home. I have been taught since I was young that a couple's choice to start a family and all things that relate are sacred and it really is never my place to ask. Entering the world of adoption and couples who are infertile, and pretty much living in the state of Utah....all of that is thrown out the window. When I found out I was pregnant with Memms I felt A LOT of anger directed towards me, I experienced a lot of sarcasm. Just when I thought I was over that, we were chosen by a birth mom. Wow, imagine being pregnant, AND being placed with. I wasn't "ashamed" that I was pregnant, but I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was able to carry a child and doubly guilty to have been chosen by a birth mother. The irony was that that little baby stayed with his birth mom. Was there something that Heavenly Father was trying to teach me? Yes. Perhaps something he was trying to teach others through me? Indeed. But now, now that we are in the same situation again, me trying to do all that I can do to be blessed with a baby, I still feel guilt. I feel so much guilt in fact that it is hard for me to share about our desire to adopt. I am so afraid that the second I start sharing I will get pregnant (which would be FANTASTIC) but then the guilt will set in, and I will start hearing, "You always get pregnant the second you put your papers in." People...NO. YOU. DON'T. Don't ever say that to someone. If you think it is funny, or true, I can give you a list of people who will prove otherwise. I have had that said to me so many times, and it was never funny and never true.

So then why am I struggling right now? I am not sure. I just fear. I hate saying that I am weak. I am not sure where I fit in right now. Do I fit in with the fertiles? I am not sure. Do I fit in with the infertile? Well no because I can't say that I tried for years and years, treatments, and IVF to conceive a child. And I don't think I ever would. Sometimes I wonder who I can turn to that will understand my heart, who would understand that I wonder if anyone will ever choose to place a baby with us because we have two biological children. Or worse, if we get pregnant, will I have to feel that guilt and sorrow for my friends who will never be able to feel the joy and experience of carrying a child and bringing a child into the world. I admire adoptive couples. They get to experience a little piece of heaven on earth. I think they get to witness a great love that Heavenly Father has for them, and they get to be an answer to someone else's prayers and have the opportunity to be the blessing that someone else is looking for.

I am not sure why I am writing this. I may sound like I am ungrateful, ashamed. I tell you I am not. Shy I guess. Not strong like so many of my friends like The R House, or Family of Three, or Ron and Jessica and others who share so much and advocate for adoption. I am just wanting so much for these friends of mine, and at the same time wanting so much for myself, for my little family.

Just thoughts.

The perfect recipe for the perfect smelling laundry...

Within the first year of marriage, I had perfected the clean smelling laundry scent...AND IT LASTS, it still smells even two weeks after I put the laundry away! It had to be something fantastic, something out of this world. A year after we were married our basement flooded with SEWAGE and after the flood, we had to stay with numerous folks, and during that time, we stayed with my good friend Michelle. Michelle washed our clothes and YUMM, seriously?! I asked her what was this wonderful product she used to wash her clothes?...she said she used:

Arm and Hammer. Huh.

So, I began to use Arm and Hammer. LOVE IT. I also add a scoop of:

It really gets out some of the caked on schtuff that my kids are constantly getting on their clothes, even chocolate milk. A heaven sent. For really tough stains I use none other than:!
If you have NEVER used this product, you MUST. I get mine from Babies R Us, and I get it in the BIG bottle. It gets out ANYTHING. It is safe, I have never had a problem with it! I have cleaned my floors, my couch, spit up, poo, pee, vomit, GRAPE JUICE...endless. It works, and IT SMELLS YUMMY


Even after the find of the wondrous Arm and Hammer, the smell wasn't quite what I wanted so I added a little Bounce Dryer sheets, (from my growing up years.) For the formula to work, it has to be the Outdoor Fresh Scent, and I always use two, (my loads are HUGE yes, but I love the extra softness and scent it adds to the already yummy Arm and Hammer.)If I have a white load (and we have A TON of WHITE!) I always add me some:
Love the smell of bleach. I know it is bad for your clothes, but I can't help it. I love getting out of the shower and putting on fresh, yummy, clean clothes. LOVE IT!

Well, that is about it. I have had some people ask me. I even did laundry for a friend when she was ILL during her pregnancy...she actually LET me do her laundry because she knew it would SMELL soooo good. (I think that is THE ONLY reason she let me do it, and I was thankful!) Anyway...try it and enjoy...it is a treat.

Rotate, Teach, Get a Rock.

Warning...this post is LONG...but worth it. Come back and read it in parts if you must.

Ug, toys. Where do I begin? I think it started with an obession and leftover from childhood. We didn't "get" much...but what we did get we took care of. So, feeling a little "jipped" as a child if you will, I went overboard, a little. Okay probably a lot. And it only looks like so much now because it is nicely organized into these bins, with labels and all. Thank you Leisha! When we moved, I decided that it was either time to get organized or get rid of it all. I got rid of a ton, and frankly would like to get rid of more, but that will have to wait I guess. For every new one we get, one is given away, and eventually that will become less and less and we give away more and more.

So, on to the Great Toy Rotation... See these bins? They are located in "the scary room" of the house. The room that is unfinished and houses the heater, (and is soon to be my new studio, HOLLA!). So, basically the kiddos are too afraid to go in there alone, hence they will leave these toys ALONE! Which is nice. So a few weeks ago, these bins were in their rooms, under the stairs and everywhere, and we gathered them all up and put them here...and every Monday night after Family Home Evening, we put away the bins from the week before and the kids can each choose two bins and one "big" toy box, (we have three of these which contain big trucks, stuffies, dressups etc...) and the key? They have less to play with and they actually do. play. with. them. I am not even joking. They play and they enjoy them as if they were new. I can't take full credit for this idea. I got it from a dear friend in my old ward who is a genius and a wonderful mother and example to me. Hi Katrina if you are out there, THANK YOU!
I hope I can explain this and share the power of this topic, but sometimes I lack words or thoughts, so I will do the best I can. This definition comes straight from http://www.lds.org/.

Family Home Evening

"Church leaders have instructed members to set aside Monday night as "family home evening." This is a time for families to study the gospel together and to do other activities that strengthen the family spiritually, create family memories, and increase unity and love."

As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, I feel very blessed to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I have seen many powerful effects on my life, and one of the greatest has been the blessing of Family Home Evening. I can remember when I was very young having a few lessons from my mother. Shortly after my parents divorced, my extended family, (grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc...) began having a weekly FHE. From the time I was nine until I was 21 we had this gathering of family and love and teaching. It was a great strength in my life then. Once the family became TOO huge to house a weekly FHE, it fizzled out and I have to admit that it has been four years since we have had a regular family night in my home. A few months ago Hubbs and I decided to implement it again into our little family, and I can tell you that it has made a world of difference.

The most wonderful thing about FHE is that you don't have to be LDS or a "mormon" to have your own night to spend with your family. What better way to show your children or your spouse how much you love and adore them, then by devoting a night a week to them, for them, spending time with them, teaching them, and showing them how important they are to you, and how loved they are. Our evenings are usually spent with a short lesson (thank you four years of Primary Presidency lessons), an opening prayer, a closing prayer, a song, and of course a treat! Sometimes we aren't so formal, we will take the kids to play at the children's museum, walk around temple square, go out to dinner, but generally there is a purpose and we invite the spirit of our Heavenly Father into our home. It allows us time to be together, and when that time is devoted to Him and to one another, the week goes better, our house stays cleaner, and we fight less. There is more patience and love. I have witnessed this, and I encourage everyone who is reading this to implement this into your lives and schedules and let me know how it goes!

From our lesson tonight, one of my favorite Bible stories about Joseph in Egypt. Can you say, "Technicolor Dreamcoat" anyone?

And finally, if you're still with me, our little Toddler chores:

Brush your teeth.

Wash your hands before eating and using the bathroom.

Get yourself dressed (as best you can).

Pick up your toys.

Take your vitamin.

And that is it. They can earn 1 "pedra" or rock for every job they do without having to be asked more than once. We have been doing this for a little over a month now and it works! Right before bed we hand out the rocks, they put them in their little jars and they are SO excited about it. Even the little two year old screams, "Pedras! Pedras!" And FLIPS out if that word is said and she doesn't get to put the rocks in the jar at that very minute.

I let the kids choose their reward. Obviously Miss is a little too young to understand the concept, so her reward is putting the rocks in the jar, (and sharing a bit of Mister's rewards too.) While Mister, he chooses to get a pinata for each jar filled. Not sure why he loves pinatas so much or why that is his choice...but it is. And happily for him he filled up his first jar in time to have a dinosaur pinata for his birthday!

Seriously these little things help keep me sain and keeps our house a little cleaner with four little hands helping.

As for me...well that big jar is mine. Hubband has one too, and seriously, it has been a great motivator for me to do MY chores. I give myself one WHENEVER I do SOMETHING. I know that seems silly, but it helps me make a good dinner, load the dishwasher, fold a load of laundry. When mine gets filled I get to have a scrapbooking night with one of my friends...I can't wait!
So, that's it from the Simply Me house. Hope everyone is doing well, can you belive Thanksgiving is NEXT WEEK? I am dying with how fast time is going by. And that my baby isn't so much a baby anymore, but that is another post ENTIRELY!

Thank you Mommy Sunshine!

Apparently, well, I rock the bowl! ;) Mommy Sunshine awarded me this bloggie award. It too was my first so thank you sweet Carrie. She said the nicest things about me, and I seriously cried. I needed this more than you will ever know!

"Kim is always so honest about her life and the up's and down's in it. This
beautiful lady brings a nice spiritual outlook to her life and family. She has
been inspiring and uplifting to many people. She always has a compliment or a
positive thing to say about someone. She has a gorgeous little family and is in
the process of adding a fortunate, new member to it. She is totally deserving of
this award! Her blog ROCKS THE BOWL! Not to mention, she takes fabulous pictures!"

It is hard to believe that I have known this lady for almost two years now via blog world. I met her through Moosh in Indy. (Be prepared ya'll to see ME with Moosh in Indy. I have a lot of peeps ask me about her...oh believe me, you'll meet her! Anyway, Carrie is Casey's cousin, and I had the opportunity of meeting Miss Carrie and we became friends instantly. She is one of the strongest, nicest, most amazing people I have ever met, not to mention BEAUTIFUL. I had the opportunity to photograph her newest little a few months ago, it was such a neat experience to capture. Love you Mommy Sunshine!

Hmm, I guess I need to award this wonderful honor onto someone else, and the first person who came to mind is a newcomer, and a guy even...who blogs and is hilarious! I love this couple's positive outlook on life, and I met them through LDSFS and photography all at the same time, imagine that...so here's to Ron and Jessica.

They too are searching for a little one to join their family. If anyone out there can help them on their quest and know of a birth mom who would be a good fit for them, and you feel so inclined, send her their way, you can visit their profile here:

Ron and Jessica

Until I get more time...

...some answers to your questions:

FHE: Family Home Evening. One night a week devoted to spending time with our family. It has seriously become my favorite night of the week!

Sweater: Sam's Club Oh ya baby!

Toy Rotation: Watch for this in depth in a forthcoming post, but for now, basically taking out some toys, storing them, and only giving a few choices per child, per week. Then the next week taking out those toys, putting them aside, and letting them choose new toys.

And finally...the chores. You'll just have to wait for that one, but so you get an idea, they aren't really "chores" but things that the kiddos can do that is on their level. Hopefully I can share this on Sunday!

A lot on my mind.

I have had some of those "days" lately. Not bad, just a lot on my mind. Do you ever have those days? Just been thinking about how much I appreciate this man, and all that he does for me. Sometimes I feel like "we" get lost in the shuffle, and that all "I" can think about are the things he isn't doing, or the things I wish he would do. I forget ALL that he DOES do, and it isn't fair of me sometimes. Our life is so full right now, I like to use the term "CRAZY"! (Oh my heck I am using a TON of "quotation marks";) Really though, life is crazy. I know I have said it before, but with school, owning two businesses (which if they ever start paying off will be SO worth it (and they are, in a way...), our beautiful children, and Hubbs working, and then callings, it doesn't leave us much time for "US"! I realized a few weeks ago, that it was up to ME to get things on the right track, that indeed amidst this craziness and constant time of life, we can have what we need, and it has helped ten fold. I have found I am not as impatient with the kids or Hubbs, and that we are happier and have those little disagreements less often, (note I said less often...because I admit we are far from perfect and we DO disagree.) Anyway, just wanted to make a list of things I am doing that have helped US along the way...

Started having regular FHE. Can't tell you how wonderful this has been, words cannot describe, it has also opened us up to having a more organized home, and the kids love it.

Daily Scripture study and little family prayers. Sometimes, because of our schedules it is just me doing it, or just Hubbs with the kids, but for almost two years, almost every day I have been reading out of that little "picture" Book of Mormon to the kids. They never listen, I like to think that something is getting through...who knows. But they prayer thing they get, and when I do it, I feel like if I haven't accomplished something that day, then at least I have done that.

A toy rotation! Oh my word. We just started, but seriously it works. It takes a lot of effort, but we rotate on Monday nights after FHE, and seriously never have I seen the kids play with their toys so much. And FYI if any of my parents read this, PLEASE! NO MORE TOYS for my kids. Savings bonds, money, a book...one book, but NO TOYS! I am SUPER done with toys. LOL!

Chores. I started a reward system for chores. This post is getting too long, so perhaps I will talk about this one later...but the kids do them, and are doing them, and they are EXCITED about it. Ya...will post that later, I recommend.

And finally, almost no TV. Seriously, I accomplish so much, my kids use their imagination, and I just feel better since we don't watch TV (not that we have time to anyway, but turning it off instead of even resorting to it for "babysitting" purposes has made a world of difference!) (Wha? You say you have NEVER turned on the TV to entertain your kids. Call me...I need to know your secret. I swore I would NEVER do it, and I admit I have done it more times than I should have...but I have stopped...I am so happy to say that I have stopped.)

And that is it. Tiny changes that have made a world of difference. Our home is cleaner, we are more patient parents, everyone knows what is expected of them, and if something isn't done, we know who needs to do it, and we help them through it. It has been a wonderful few months since this went into action. Loving it...now if only I can keep my gym schedule among all of this craziness, and kick the food cravings!

And about this man:

He gets up in the middle of the night with the kids. If the kids cry, he does it. He sleeps on the floor in their rooms if they need it, just so I can sleep. (BTW, he LOVES sleeping on the floor...he is a bit odd in this regard, but I love him.)

He doesn't complain often when I just want to "go out" for dinner. I know he hates spending the money, but he goes along with it, this I am grateful for.

He is a constant support of my desires. I know he wants me to be happy, he supports me in school, pushes me to move forward. Is happy when I accomplish my goals in photography, and even though he wanted nothing to do with me going to Hawaii, he doesn't complain! Thank you honey! I'll bring you back a nice shirt. ;)

He always knows what I am thinking. I am amazed at how often we say the same thing at the same time, or are thinking the same thing. We truly are kindred spirits.

He looks totally hott in that sweater. I finally talked him into it, only four trips to the store and he took the bait. I love you honey! Forever.

In the trenches...

TARGET.