Last Baby Blues

6 months.

Crawling. Yes, crawling.

It has been hard to really get myself to believe that she is our last baby.

It is funny how you come to a decision, it feels so right, and then your heart sometimes doesn't want to let you believe it. Sometimes it is easier to second guess your decisions and choices.

Especially in this case.

Because this one has been so gosh darn sweet, and such a joy to us.
I think she knew how much I needed her to stay small.
She is our most petite baby.

I love every inch of her.

I have her memorized.

Today, I took down the cradle in my bedroom.
She officially shares a room with her big sister.
The first of many long nights chattering with her and telling secrets and talking about boyfriends and school I am sure.

I took the baby swing down, it is in the car waiting to be returned to those from whence the borrowing of it came.

All of the four ounce bottles are packed away in the garage, awaiting the yearly yard sale.

The tiny little clothes except for a few put away for her and sissy are officially given away,
with another batch to go out tomorrow.

Oh how I love this tiny girl. She has brought us so much joy.

Kisses Millz. So thankful for you.

You were worth every second of the wait, every heartache.
I have said it before, and I will say it again, I would do it all over in a heartbeat.

Just stop growing so fast okay?

Thankful for the Promise.

So thankful.

Funny Face

J-Man cut this face out of a pizza carton.

Freaking awesome right?!

Love it.

M.I.A

I never meant for the past month to go by like it did.
I meant to be here, blogging as usual, but time and life and
emotions slipped away from me as it sometimes does.

The month of May 2009
has been an amazing one.
One full of journeys and introspection.
It has also been one of being stuck on the outside looking in on people I love who are hurting and suffering, with no way of helping, except to say,
"I love you."
"That sucks more than anything." or
"I am here for you...whatever you may need."

In an effort to try to jump back into my blog, and to actually give you something worth reading and coming here for...here I am.
Hi.
I missed you.
I missed my blog.
My heart is still extremely heavy. Such is life, and somehow we must push forward and find what wonderful things are waiting for us.

Lots have been asking, (oh how I hate...no no...DETEST drawing attention to myself.)
Weird right? Considering this is MY. BLOG.
But it is true. I am shy, and would rather stay in the shadows...
but as per your request this was me and "Millz" (code name for blogging purposes) a month ago at six months.
Millz is a girl. I thought I made that clear? Some of you didn't know.
We are THRILLED, (Although Hubbs is still freaking a little at having two girls to take care of).
This little girl has been waiting A. LONG. TIME. to come to our family, and we have been waiting for her to FINALLY be on her way. FER REALZ!
Only 8-10 more weeks.
Squee!



Puffy and slouchy...oooo SO hawt. (Photo Courtesy of Hubbs May 3, 2009)



Here is my stunning Grammy and me the day my Papa passed away. Don't we look amazing? This lady just had hip replacement! A week after Papa's funeral. Isn't she bomb? Love you so much Grandma...and eat up on those Hershey bars okay?



The last picture of Grandpa. Hubbs took this one (that is why it sucksalicious...you know I love you baby...I am teasing, TEASING).
At first I really hated it...but now I love it.
I love my kids contemplating eternal life.
I love remembering the feeling in that room, although it was heartbreaking, it was very very spiritual.
So glad he is in a better place.
Love you Papa.



And one I took of my little man. Oh how I love him. He is my joy and my buddy.

Hope you are all having a wonderful week.
I am hoping you are all getting away for this Memorial weekend.
We were going to go to New Mexico, but seeing how blasted hot it is here, I am personally skipping out going into EXTREME temps.
Going to the pool today...and sleeping in ALL WEEKEND LONG!

What are your plans?

Opposition

****
Author Unknown
****

Cripple him, and you have
Sir Walter Scott

Lock him in a prison cell and you have
John Bunyan

Bury him in the snow of Valley Forge, and you have
George Washington

Raise him in poverty and you have
Abraham Lincoln

Subject him to bitter religious strife, and you have
Franklin Delano Roosevelt.
The only president to serve four terms in office

Burn him so severely in a school house fire that doctors say he will never walk again, and you have
Glen Cunningham,
who set the world record in 1934 for running the mile in 4 minutes 6.7 seconds

Deafen a genius composer and you have Ludwig von Beethoven

Drag him more dead than alive from a rice paddy and you have
Rocky Blyer,
running back for the great 1970 decade Pittsburgh Steelers

Have them born in a society filled with racial prejudice, and hatred
and you have
Booker T. Washington,
Harriet Tubman,
and Martin Luther King Jr.

Have him born in a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down at age 4, and you have
Itzhak Pearlman,
the incomparable violinist

Call him retarded and write him off as uneducated, and you have
Albert Einstein

Amputate the cancer ridden leg of a young Canadian and you have
Terry Fox,
who ran half way across Canada on an artificial leg

Take both legs away from him and you have
Douglas Bader,
an RAF fighter pilot who was captured three times by Germans and escaped three times on artificial limbs

Label him too stupid to learn and you have
Thomas Edison

Blind him at the age of 44 and you have
John Milton,
who 16 years later, wrote The Great Paradise Lost

Call him dull, hopeless, and a flunk out of school in the 6th grade, and you have the famous statesman
Winston Churchill

Tell a boy who loves to draw that he has no talent, and you have
Walt Disney

Spit on Him, mock Him, humiliate Him, betray Him, and crucify Him, and He forgives you...

****

I am back, after a long week. You have been missed. Have had a lot of things going through my mind the past week, about trials and suffering. I have watched many over the past two weeks. It has saddened my heart but also has renewed my faith in who we are and what we can accomplish and overcome.

To all of my friends who are dealing with opposition right now...please know I love you and I am thinking of you. My heart is truly with you.

Hope you all have a beautiful week!

Only...

...one more day of emotional drainment and I'll be back.

Had some really neat experiences regarding my
Grandpa and his passing.

Can't wait to share.

For now?

Sleep.
Yes please!

According to...

...random.org the winner is:

"Amber Ro said...

Oh, I would love to win...amsrobbins@gmail.com"

Congratulations Amber!

Your certificate has been sent to you.

Remember to redeem it by Saturday, May 9, 2009 to get your prize.

Thank you to all who participated! SO glad I didn't have to choose the winner!
And a special thank you to
Goldsmith Co. Jewelers
for the generous gift.

Hope you all got your pearls and started your Pandora bracelet.

(I am off for a few days as my grandfather passed away on Sunday night.
My family needs me as we prepare for his funeral.
See you after Friday. Loves to all.)

Ya, I am still alive...sorta.

I *could* say this has been the busiest week of my life, but I KNOW I have had busier.

I also know that it is not going to stop until Friday afternoon, so I am trying not to contemplate on it too much or I will end up in a straight jacket.

Not that the busy has been bad, it has just been, well, BUSY. And, I am tired. Very tired.
BUT I will survive, I always do.

So I will end with this, as I was going through some photos today, I came across these:

My three year old was CLEANING THE BATHROOM.
All on her own.
She moved the stuff to the side, scrubbed down the sink, and the countertops,
(and even the toilet lid...I stopped her from going further).
She was so stinkin' proud of herself.
And I thought she was the most adorable thing on the planet.

Also, she said to me today, (I kid you not, EVERY WORD):

"Mom, sometimes I say that Heavenly Father punishes us (huh?! Where did this come from?) but Heavenly Father doesn't punish us. He just likes to give us rings on our cupcakes."

Truer words...did someone say cupcake?

Easter-Licious.

I love, love, LOVE this time of year.
Everything about it.
The rain, the newness of EVERYTHING, the candy.

Oh the candy.

But what I love the most, is watching my kids and all of the excitement they bring back to the simple things in life. Like coloring eggs:

And eating them. Yumm.

So thankful for the plan. Thankful for the sacrifice.

So very much want to have these littles forever...and oh how I plan to!

Easter is the bomb.

Remembering Them

Love you and thinking of you today my sweet friends.

Read their story in the LA Times.

Tomorrow is Maddie's service. Please wear purple and send positive thoughts and prayers to her family. Much love.

Draper, Utah Temple Open House

Photo Courtesy of JD. Thanks!

My heart has been full the past few days. Tears come quite easily when I think back to Monday when it was our turn to go to the Draper Temple Open House.

Firstly, if you haven't gone, you must. Secondly, if you have any opportunity to go, you must.

(This opportunity is available for all, (not just members of the LDS church) all you need to do is reserve a spot and voila!)

The look of joy and excitement on my children's faces was remarkable, especially my little five year old. He was ecstatic to have the opportunity to go to the temple! He was so curious and happy the entire day. It was all he could stand to get through the video and onto the bus. We, of course got the oldest bus in the whole operation, it was dirty, and loud, and "scawy" (as Memms put it) but it was an adventure!

Pulling up to the temple, the feeling of peace was immediate. Walking through the long passageways of tents until we reached the entrance was more than J-Man could handle...he was ready to be INSIDE!

I loved the opportunity to hold his little hand the entire way through. His curiousity and continuing questions made me realize how important my example of the temple is to him, and will continue to be to him throughout his life. I want him to long to go back there when he is old enough. He assures me when he is 12 he is going to go and do the work he can do, until he can do more. He is thrilled!

Walking into the Celestial Room, I lost it. Being there with my sweetheart and my children, and holding them close as we looked up at the seemingly endless ceiling and the beautiful chandelier...tears streamed down my face. Oh how I long to have this little family forever and to feel such perfect love and peace forever with them. How awesome will that be?!

The last room we entered was the sealing room. Amazing, breathtaking, marvelous. The spirit was strong! Wow. I can hardly explain.

SO thankful to have had such a wonderful opportunity. In all my times attending the temple, I seem to forget the power that is there, it's strength and magnitude. Wonderous.

The tour ends in the adjacent church building, where there is a beautifully decorated reception hall, and they even have...brace yourselves:

COOKIES! Yes, cookies. This was more bliss than my little ones could handle.

We ended the afternoon with a wonderful lunch out, together as a family. How I am holding each one of my lovies closer the past few days.

I hope you have the opportunity to go.

The Pink Schwinn

I remember vividly my seventh birthday.

It was the year I got my first two-wheeler bicycle.

It had training wheels. (I know such a late bicycling bloomer I was.)

I knew it was not "new". I tried not to let that show...even though tears stung at my eyes knowing it wasn't the shiny new bike of my dreams.

Still, I was excited. My brother Marcus made sure I was excited about it. He talked up the banana seat, and was extremely encouraging that soon I would be riding without the training wheels. Just like him. (I wanted to be just like him.) Having a winter birthday sucks...but we made the best of the day and rode the bike up and down the hallway of our house, through the living room and back down the hall. (Thanks mom for letting us do that.)

The day after my birthday, or shortly there after was the day my dad left us, and being fully aware that my parents were getting "a divorce". It was for the better, but that is another story, for another time.
(He may have been gone before this, but I recall this birthday being a defining moment.)

This made my mom a single mother. Hence the understanding now of the second hand bicycle and the utter love and teary heart I have when I think back to this time in our lives. How she ever supported herself and us on her job of $8 something an hour is beyond me. This left my brother and I home alone quite a bit. Back in the 80's though, I guess it wasn't such a big deal to leave your kids home alone as it is now. Needless to say this left my brother and I a lot of idle time...alone, unsupervised.

One day, my brother's fascination with my bike must have gotten the better of him. See on that cool banana seat up there, there is this "handle" of sorts. I am not sure what possessed him, or me for that matter, but somehow I ended up tied to the bike by a rope while he got onto the bike (sans training wheels by this point) and told me to "Run! Run fast!" Mmmk.

So I ran. I probably got a good fifty yard dash in before I face planted it into the middle of the street and had road rash from my chin down my chest and tummy to my lower...very lower abdomen. I can't quite remember if my mom was home, Marcus jumped off the bike and untied me. I remember spending the entire evening with warm cloths pressed onto the damaged areas of my tummy, trying to get all of the tiny rocks and such out of my skin. Oh how it hurt to wear pants for days. :(

Then we moved. We moved across the street from my grandma. She lives in a very old part of Salt Lake City. Not too far from her house is a 7/11. My brother and I would go there seemingly daily (although financially that would be impossible) to get some Lik m Aid Fun Dip and some Neopolitan ice cream sandwiches. What could be a more perfect ride than the Schwinn?

So there I am, sitting on the back of the seat while Marcus mans the pedals and handlebars. I am holding onto the little metal handle, trying with all of my might to keep my feet out of the spokes. (Remember mom always warned you about that?) When to my chagrin my right heel got caught in the spoke, ripped off my shoe and ripped off my heel with it. I was screaming and howling...and Marcus was still going, intent on the Summer treats waiting at the sev. Finally he stopped and I limped back to grandma's house. Grandpa put me back together and all was fine.
This time? Weeks to heal.

This is why every good bikes needs a set of pegs.

I miss my Schwinn.

Inspired.

And teary.

"Nobody likes me, everybody hates me..."

September 2008



We went fishing in Midway. This was my kids' first ever encounter with worms. It was freaking hilarious. I wish I could remember where we went, but kids could fish for free without a license and I *think* the worms were free! So so so so so gross. I'll admit I am 100% girl in the regard when it comes to bugs and spiders and ants, anything creepy or crawly. I try really hard to hide that fact from my kids and encourage them to explore. Even if I wanted to throw up a little.



J-Man thought it was THE coolest thing ever. He wanted to keep them. He was super bummed when I told him we couldn't. He was so fascinated, we taught him all about what happens when you cut them in half, how they make "two worms". (I remember learning that...do you?) So, like good parents we cut some in half and showed him. He loved it, then was eager to share the love:



With sissy. She did quite well. Not too enthralled as brother was, but she held it nonetheless. (Gag...ew...that's my girl! Actually she told me today that she doesn't like ants, she only likes "rolly pollies". I get that.)



So we fished and didn't catch a single thing. :( But it was SO relaxing and fun to teach our kids something new.



My favorite grin. Love that nose. Love that space.



Divalicious as always.

T'was the night before Thanksgiving...

...and what else do you do but paint the pumpkins that have been sitting on your porch since mid-October. The same pumpkins your children have begged and asked and begged some more to carve into "Jack o Lanterns". No exaggerations here, we painted our pumpkins on Thanksgiving Eve. I just couldn't talk myself into scraping out pumpkin goo...especially pumpkins that have been sitting on the porch for a month and a half.













As for Thanksgiving? It was the bomb dot com. I am not sure how fond my step-mom (I hate the term step-mom...but for clarification sake) would be about me talking about her innards on my blog...but I have to say how Thankful I am that she is okay. She had a cancer scare last week and had to have an emergency hysterectomy because they found a tumor...the size of a baseball! Hello! Poor thing. We all went up to see her last Saturday after her surgery, and just hugged her and was so thankful that she was okay and that it was NOT cancerous! Thankful indeed. Lorraine is an amazing woman. I put my arms around her and cried and realized how much I am not ready to lose any of my parents. On the bright side, Lorraine and I are certain she lost AT LEAST a pound. She is amazing.

With the events that transpired...my little brothers and Lorraine needed a Thanksgiving feast, since she couldn't do it...I did it for her! I have never made Thanksgiving dinner.

I woke at 4 a.m. to roast the turkey. In my sleep deprived state, I was unprepared for what awaited me inside the turkey carcass. Have you ever? Seriously? The neck? The "giblets". As if calling them "giblets" makes it all better? I started dry heaving and had to breathe through my mouth just to make it through the rinsing. Then there was the whole, "massaging of the butter into the turkey" and the "removing of the quills". I just sent an e-mail to my aunt, whose home I have invaded every Thanksgiving since my birth...and thanked her abundantly for making me dinner all of my life...how I have taken the last 25+ years for granted. Anyway, I have decided that rolls, and turkey, and gravy, and deviled eggs made by ones own hand taste much worse than those made by auntie and mom. I am forever grateful to the people in my life who cook for me.

Dinner was a hit. Thanks to my brother for hooking us up with the turkey to roast, and to his beautiful wife for her pumpkin roll. Have you ever had pumpkin roll? It is TDF. My SIL is the bomb diggs too, she made 9...NINE pumpkin rolls for Thanksgiving. Her family is big...and she said my brother needed 3 for himself. Hopefully if she loves all of us she will post the recipe on her blog.

Anyway, thankful dinner is over...thankful my step-mom does not have cancer, thankful she is recovering well. I am thankful for my family, for the sweetness this year has brought us, and for the continued and renewed appreciation of all that we have been given!

Recollection.

So, the past month I was given a new Visiting Teaching companion. She is seriously an answer to prayer and just what I needed. I have done my VT'ing for TWO months straight. That hasn't happend since Kayleen was my partner YEARS ago. Hi Kayleen! Miss you.

Anyway, she and I were talking and laughing in the car tonight and she reminded me of one of the most hilarious moments of all time. Our entire ward still talks about it. I wish oh wish I had a picture to go along, but alas cameras are frowned upon in the chapel.

So, in our church, the Primary children put on a Primary Program every year in the fall. They practice the songs all year long and their little parts for weeks to get it just right. Last year J-Dawg was 4. It was his first program. All the kids were sitting up in the stand, J-Man and all of the other little Sunbeams on the front row. Right where everyone can see them. Cuz they are small you know? Gotta see the little ones of course. During each song, they have the children stand up to sing. Well, little Jobby is front and center, and throughout each and every song he is seen either playing the drums or doing a wicked air guitar solo. I kid you not. My kid. Only my kid. Hilarious right?

I don't know why I never blogged about this, but my sweet companion reminded me of it tonight, so this year when the program rolled around, everyone (teenagers especially) were waiting for Jobby to break out in another round of air guitar. Alas this year he did not do it. There was disappointment all around. Oh how I freaking love him.

Such a typical day for us. Usually can be found in our jammies, all day. What is the point if we have no where to go?

"It's a Farm."

Remember the death of the horse?

She has attached herself to a new friend, named him "Pink Piggy."

Meet Pink Piggy. In the farm.

Oh the farm? Well, it is this patch of warm light streaming through the bathroom window. You couldn't tell? Shame on you!

As I was scrubbing toilet, she was talking to me.

Memms: "I feed da piggy mone."

Me: "What?"

Memms: "Mone."

Me: "What?"

Memms: "Mone...Mone...MON--EEEEY!"

Me: "Oh! MONEY!" Gotcha.

Then she proceeds to pick up any crumb she can find to feed to the pig.

Memms: "But he doesn't have a mouth."

Improvision.






I have THE best job.





THE. BEST. JOB.

Wow.

I will reiterate that I have some of THE best friends in the entire world.

Pupil, is one of them. She comes over weekly to my house, with agenda in hand and we meet about adoption, we discuss adoption...among other things. She is the one who encouraged me to post every day for the month of November about adoption. Funny, when I woke up this morning and checked my blog almost around noon, I came and there were 21 comments. I was like, "WHAT?!" I didn't think the post was THAT grand...so I started reading comment after comment, then I got to anonymous...and then I saw mrs. r's comment, and then comment after comment from people I have met, most I have not...and tears rolled down my cheeks when I realized that these people had read the comment long before I had, they were on a mission to not let one person hurt another one of our sisters...sisters in blogland, sisters in infertility, sisters in adoption...

Every word in her post struck me...right down to the irony. She was at my home when I was writing the "Are you there God?" post. It was a tag team post. Brilliantly thought up and wonderfully executed. As I wrote it, I said over my shoulder, "You know what happened the last time I posted something this deep..." Well, I was so hurt and so crushed that I deleted the blog I had had for over a year. How utterly sad that was. How could I let one person dictate who I was?

Well, it won't happen this time. As you can see...just like me, there are HUNDREDS, and THOUSANDS of women and men who suffer with this particular trial.

You know what? The past three years of wanting another child have taught me, to love more deeply, to cherish EVERY moment because they are so fleeting. To suggest for even a moment that I am not thankful and grateful for what I have been given, it only proves that the person who tried to hurt me does not know me. Every night before I go to bed I spend a large amount of time by the bedside of my children. I hold their hands, I sweep the hair from their little faces, I cover them up...I kiss their cheeks. I recognize and realize that they may be the only children I ever get to have. I kneel down and thank my Father in Heaven for them, and because of the joy I have in them, that is the reason I want to be a mother again.

I want to thank EACH of you for your love and support yesterday. It meant so much to me. It brought tears to my eyes. Every comment touched my heart, if any of you are struggling through something similar, I encourage you to take the time to read each comment, because there is strength in not feeling alone. I will leave you with one particular comment that touched my heart especially, and in keeping with the spirit of the posting this month, I think it is perfect. Thank you Ashley.

I totally understand where you're coming from.I have a daughter through adoption.

I don't want another baby yet.

I am not ready to face my "broken" body again.

I want to feel normal.

I want to have just something, ANYTHING happen without a million pieces of drama, an ordeal or having to lay out my entire life history to the world.

I hate having no privacy.

I hate the fact that the events surrounding the birth of my daughter, and the 45 days afterwards, were spent in fear and pain, not joy. We never talk about it.

I hate the loss of the other children I'd hoped for. I had also envisioned myself with kids in a pew; four, to be exact. But it looks like two may be our limit. That kills me.

I hate that people don't try to understand. That you're told, "Be grateful." It's like being told, after losing your leg, to be grateful for the other one. It's not that you aren't grateful for your leg, your arms and every other appendage you've been given, but you still miss the lost leg.

Having to once again face your own infertility is just another reminder that you're a freak. You can't do what God designed you to do. If you can't produce children, then what good is having the instincts? It's being reminded of all the hopes and dreams you have had to let go of, ones you've probably had since you were a girl.

I love my daughter. I couldn't love her more if I'd made her out of playdough myself. I celebrate her adoption and I give myself major props for being able to pull off an adoption at the age of 24. But I still mourn that I couldn't feel her kick inside of me, I couldn't share seeing her for the first time with my husband. I couldn't look at her for months without feeling guilt and pain for her birth mother.

I would love to share the joy of being pregnant with my family.

And I mourn that I may not be able to.

And that's what makes me totally normal.

Be Aware.

I have been debating for months and months as to whether or not I should blog about this particular situation. Some things have arisen today that tell us that this person is NOT in anyway who she claimed herself to be, and with the announcement of our being chosen by our a birth mother, this person who shall be known as "C" has begun attacking me, my friends, and is saying very hurtful and untrue things for whatever reason. I hope that if you have been one of the people targeted, and that this person has e-mailed you, that you will feel comfortable to come to me, to e-mail me, so that we can discuss further and talk through what is happening. I appreciate those of you who have come forward to tell me about these e-mails and this contact from this person. For this reason I feel it is very important to share these things I am about to share with you. Hopefully this way, no one will have to hurt the way our family has been hurt, and continues to be hurt by those who are untruthful and dishonest and are just out to hurt people like me and my husband, and others hoping to adopt. Stick with me, it is worth it.

Firstly, an article from the Someone's Missing Handbook, Making Your Adoption Happen, A Finder's Guide for Families who are Hoping to Adopt.

Internet Safety--Adoption

Avoiding Online Fraud Adopting a child can be one the happiest occasions in your life. In order to have a positive experience, you must take some precautions, especially when using the Internet. The likelihood of fraud is greater unless you take proper care.To protect yourself, consider the following points:
Due to your strong desire for a baby, you may be vulnerable to online scams and unreasonable requests that are not in your best interest.


Always choose an ethical path for your adoption, which is not necessarily the shortest or easiest path. For instance, some states require birth father notification before a court approves an adoption to occur. In addition, all states dictate that adoptions are subject to finalizing court custodial decrees prior to a couple crossing state boundaries to return home with the baby. These laws can cause inconveniences to adoptive couples but are required. Other ethical issues may also surface that call in to question the best interest of all parties to the adoption. For example, a birth parent may request that an adoptive couple pay for inappropriate items, services, or procedures that have nothing to do with support through her pregnancy. Couples are strongly encouraged to abide by the laws and ethical practices of adoption.
Protect your privacy. In online profiles, don't mention your employer, salary, home or work phone numbers. Invite birth mothers to call your adoption cell phone number if you are in possession of one.


Don't make a hasty decision, no matter how anxious you are for a child. Don't over commit to anyone until your caseworker has had time to check out the situation.
Money should only be given through the agency. Do not give money directly to the birth mother. The agency will approve expenses and disburse funds directly to the appropriate person such as a landlord, physician, or utility company.
The most common form of fraud involves someone who accepts money from an adoptive family knowing that she will never place a child for adoption. She may promise a child to several families, collecting money from each.


Be cautious with anyone who contacts you directly and prefers to work only through you. A woman who is sincere about adoption will provide you with specific contact information and she should respect your request that she talk with your caseworker.

Additional Red Flags

The birth mom wants to bring the baby to you. She may say this to get you to buy a plane ticket for her that she can cash in later. Most true birth mothers want you to come to them.

The birth mom is not available by phone or the address is not verifiable.
She does not provide proof of pregnancy or other requested documents. She seems to always have a reason for not sending you identifying information. She may have a sudden miscarriage or hospitalization when you ask for too much information.

She does not want you to contact anyone else concerning her pregnancy. She will not give you real names or numbers of doctors.

It's rare, but has happened: fraud not for money, but for attention or to inflict harm. In these cases the birth parent is not pregnant at all. She may be desperately lonely and in need of psychological help. She wants to talk intimately with someone and knows she can find emotionally fragile adoptive parents who will care about her. Her victims are manipulated into longing for the child. The game lasts only until she is asked to document her pregnancy or to meet the agency caseworker.

Birth Mother Scams

In the middle of the night you may receive a call from a woman you don't know. She has put off her decision to place the child for adoption until the last possible moment. She is in the hospital and going into labor.

Ask her to tell you the name of the hospital and her doctor. Give this information to your caseworker who can call the hospital maternity ward to verify the woman's story.Some homeless birth mothers are truly in need of assistance. You will want them to be safe and, if the law allows, the agency may provide them with services that include housing assistance. Your caseworker will verify their story before spending any money.

Screening Your Birth Mother

As a prospective adopting parent, your main worry may be whether the birth parent you will connect with will complete the adoption. The first task is to confirm her sincerity about the adoption. This can be difficult, especially if she is located far from where you live. In your first phone call, find out her phone number and the location from which she is calling. With this information, you may be able to enlist the help of an agency caseworker in her area to meet with her and verify her information.In response to your online profile, you may receive e-mails from people who claim to represent a birth mother. It is best to say, "Great! Have her contact us or our caseworker. We'd like to talk and we'll send you some information you can give her."If this person says, "You can only go through me to reach her, " consider that a red flag and move cautiously.

Please consider these additional tips when screening a birth mother.

Search out her contact name using Google (e.g. JaneDoe@yahoo.com...type in "JaneDoe" on Google.) If the birth mother is using a different name while chatting with an instant messenger program, perform a Google search on this name as well. If you are dealing with a scammer, you may find they they have posted information on other Web sites.

If your contact has sent you pictures, right click on the picture and obtain the picture's file name. Take the file name and perform an "Image" Google search. Some scammers steal pictures off of other Web pages and then send them to adoptive couples claiming the picture as their own. Be very cautious when you use this screening technique as searching some contact images may lead to Web sites that are pornographic in nature.

Some adoptive couples have visited online forums such as www.forums.adoption. com. Couples who have encountered a contact that turned out to be a scam may post this information on these forums. Building a networking relationship with other online adoptive couples can be valuable in detecting fraudulent contacts who claim to be birth parents. Always exercise caution when networking online as information you receive may not always be accurate.

A contact may give you a cellular or residential telephone number. The Internet has many Web sites where you can verify a contact's telephone number. This is called a "reverse look-up" and allows you to type in a contact's cellular or residential phone number to ensure it matches up with the name. Some sites are free while others require payment for use.

Verifying a contact person's state or city in important when screening birth mothers. Web sites such as www.switchboard.com allow you to search by name or telephone number.
One of the best tools to screen birth parents in your LDS Family Services' caseworker. Your caseworker can help you find out and verify information. When a birth parent visits an LDS Family Services office, the caseworker can verify information and pregnancy status.

SO...

Now that this icky stuff is out of the way, I want to tell you about "C". C started contact with us in April of this year. She said she was seventeen, was pregnant, and had initially contacted us through the LDSFS website. Through the course of a few weeks we became extremely close, and eventually she told Hubbs and I that she wanted to place her baby with us. Great, we were excited, thrilled, and if any of you know us, we were going through a really emotional time during all of this, having lost our baby...and really our relationship with C was never one but love and care and concern for her and for her baby...we wanted to help her in any way possible, even if she didn't place her baby with us, we wanted her to get the help that she needed. I'm here to tell you today that C was NOT who she said she was, she was/and is a scammer, and hopefully I can share with you what I have learned so that she will not hurt anyone else, and especially those that I love and care for so dearly as she is currently doing.

In our situation, these are the red flags that we ignored at first...

There was ALWAYS some emergency...she was sick A LOT...always in the hospital, always some problem with her parents. She said her mom had died of cancer a few years prior and that she was struggling with her step-mother.

She was going to run away from home, and come stay with us. When she asked if this was okay and we initially told her it wouldn't be a good idea, she used that to her advantage and made us feel terrible, like we had done something wrong...which we hadn't and we were in the right.

She would NEVER go to the agency and talk to a worker. She was REALLY good about making ME feel good that she wanted ME to go with her (she lived out of state) just another red flag that she wasn't who she said she was and wasn't willing to make things legit.

She had what we believe, to be using a fake name, her Facebook, which she added me to, and then later blocked me from when I got smart, had many many friends from where she said she lived, but guess what? None of those friends ever wrote on her wall. No one ever asked her how she was doing, etc. She didn't have pictures on her Facebook either.

She would never send US pictures. One night and one night only she would trade up tiny pictures over instant messaging, and then one night she uploaded a ton of pictures to Facebook, then mysteriously the next day they were gone...so that I couldn't even show Hubbs. Hmmm. Then as her due date approached, she sent me a picture of JUST a belly, no head...just a pregnant belly, which of course we all know, you can't verify who the person is with no head. Interesting.

We would make plans to meet with her, seven times to be exact, and she would never show up...or some emergency would happen and she would not be able to make it...at least at first she was kind enough to let us know she wasn't coming...up until the fourth time I think...then she just got lazy and rude and wouldn't call or anything for days later.

So, during this time, up until three or so weeks into it, we trusted her, believed her...then we put it out for the world on the blog...when a sweet friend, after reading the post called me and told me to be careful, that the things C had written to us in our little post were some of the exact things another birth mother had written to her. The reference to the baby as "Munchkin" or "Gremlin" both terms which another suspected scammer had used on my friend and her husband....Hubbs and I had been concerned for a few days about C being a scammer...this is when I did some hard core searching and finding to see what I could come up with...

I paid to have her phone number searched...her phone was indeed made out to the name she said was hers, but no valid address. No information could be found on her father or her step mother. There were no people on Facebook or MySpace that matched the names of her sibling...strange and weird seeing how she said they had them...?!

Then I started googling her name...her ID's for everything that I knew...and low and behold eBay...the lovely thing that it is was THE KEY...this C had mentioned to me that she was selling her iPod on eBay...silly silly C...well I noticed that she was using the same id on eBay as she had for her e-mail, for her instant messenger etc...and that she had changed her id in the last few weeks, about the same time she contacted us...hmmm...and guess what her old eBay user id led me to? An accused adoption scammer from New Mexico...and where was this eBay user from? Well none other than New Mexico.

There is a lady, Lynne who runs http://www.adoptionscams.net/ who was an angel and a princess at this time. She helped me find out all sorts of information on C...by the way that is NOT her name...nothing she said was EVER true to my knowledge, she was NOT 18, definitely NOT pregnant, and definitely NOT who she said she was. She was in fact, 32, has a warrant out for her arrest in New Mexico (hope you are aware C) and has been scamming couples like my husband and I since 2004.

I NEVER wanted to hurt C...even when I knew she wasn't who she said she was. I never wanted anything bad to happen to her. I feel really confused right now as to why she is trying to hurt me and my family. Some crazy stuff.

So, now, she has taken it upon herself to e-mail some of my dearest friends in the world and tell them horrible lies and things that she herself said about her own friends, her own family. She is mean, she is nasty...and once she is caught she turns (as has been apparent in the past) and basically turns wicked.

I just wanted to put this out there because I never felt it was my place to talk about my scamming experience, but this person has taken it upon herself to stalk my family, my life, and ruin it for whatever reason. I am not afraid of her. I don't want her or anyone like her to hurt those that I love. So, especially to my friends in the adoption world, be careful...I am so thankful that my friend called met the day that she did...and more than likely C and her H are the same people.

Be aware...

Jewels in the Crown

Help me out here.

My mind and heart are all consumed with the events that have transpired over the past 12 weeks of our lives. My life in particular, as this is my blog. (I just need to reference the fact that I have not been going through this alone...that Flavio, Joth and Emm are right here going through it all with me.)

I never thought in a million years that so much shiz could be piled onto someone in the short spance of 12 weeks. I recognize that it could be a heck of a lot worse, and by all means I am thankful that it is not worse...but in our little corner of the Universe, it is pretty crap-filled.

If you ever asked me would I have lost the chance to raise three little spirits in the short amount of time of three months...I would have laughed at you in the face. I would have said, "NEVER!" I would never have put myself in that position. How utterly naive I was. How utterly naive I am.

When I get dressed in the morning, I see that little infant car seat sitting on the floor...I think back to how it got there. When my friend asked to borrow it...then I never put it back in the garage because Peanut was coming...then I never put it back because a little baby girl was coming...it is still there, and I just don't know what to do with it now.

We haven't heard from Chelsia for over a week. Her due date is June 25. The story about this is long and exhausting. I have lived this once before. It is excruciating. I've never shed so many tears, I have zero answers. I don't even know what to tell the world about this. I wish I even knew what to tell myself.

My husband and I are to this point that we are "DONE" whatever the meaning of that is. Done with building our family. I guess that is what we are feeling. (This is uber personal...and we still have some leg work to do in regards to the final decision...but this is where we are leaning...) even though I think this could be good, it scares me to death.

The thought of never holding a new baby in the middle of the night...watching someone crawl for the first time, walk for the first time, find another binkie, wash another bottle, clean spit up off my dry clean skirt...those are hard things to potentially let go of. On the flip side, to devote all of my time, talents and energy on the two beautiful jewels I have been given...well that is a very appealing choice as well.

I've heard it all, "You guys are SO young...you shouldn't make this decision now." "You have plenty of time." "You'll get pregnant again." "You can always adopt another baby." "What about Foster Care?" I don't know. I know that I had this perfect idea of how I wanted my life to go...and I didn't think that it would be where I am right now.

I've learned a lot. I'm thankful for the two sparkling jewels shining in my crown right at this moment...and the one little beam of light watching over us from heaven...three's a good number right? I've done enough haven't I?

I wish I knew.