School Daze--TI-89

So, our next installment of School Daze brings us to my Sophomore year in high school.

Let's just get it out in the open that I suck cheese at mathematics.

It is my WORST subject, I was even better at P.E. than I was at math this says a lot.
I can't remember the actual term for the particular mathematics is that I took in 10th grade, but it was some sort of "Algebraic" concoction.

I pride myself on remembering the names of people and events from my past, but for some reason, perhaps to protect the innocent the name of my teacher eludes me.
So, I will get on with the story. I do recall he had a lisp, my teacher...if anyone out there can tell me his name, I will send you some bubblegum.

****Edited to note: Marci wins the bubblegum...it was Mr. Reynolds! Marci, see me after class.****

Anyway, here I am, 15, at a new school, half of my friends went to another school and I am sitting in Algebra 2.0 at the beginning of the year knowing absolutely NO ONE, and up the isle being passed up to me from the back comes a graphing calculator.

What the H is a graphing calculator?
I had no clue...dood
I was from the West Side...we had no such wonders known across the valley.
Anyway, "written" on the calculator were the words:

"Kim, will you go to Homecoming with me?"

Uhm. Okay, firstly, who the H sent this? Secondly, I don't know how to respond via said calculator. Thirdly, I am only 15 and I know that my parents would not approve of my going on a date before my 16th birthday...(my religion encourages youth to start dating at 16).
Panic sets in. PANIC.

I look to my left, then to my right, then I look back...and I see the culprits.

They are laughing. Laughing?! Why the H are they laughing?
With all the bravery in my little body--it once was little, I stand up and walk the calculator back to the two laughers and say,

"Is this yours?"

Then dorkily and red-faced I slink backto my chair shaking and hating life at that very moment.

A ton goes through my mind:
Were they serious? Why were they laughing?

I go home and tell my mom of the incident.
Incidentally I need a graphing calculator for class so she takes me out and gets me the most up to date, crazily hard to operate and manipulate calculator of all TIME:
the TI-89.
She instructs me that the next day in class she wants me to type back a response to the laughers...on my calculator.

So, I do it. I politely decline the "invitation" to the dance on the new beast of a calculator...and pass it back.
Jaws drop to the floor...what is this?
THIS? THIS CALCULATOR?
No one from the East Side had such a wonder...but this girl...she has one!

It shut them up.
They both claimed they were "kidding" about the dance asking.
To this day, I am not so sure.
I think I really burst someone's bubble.
For the remainder of high school, these two particular boys were always acting strangly around me.
Sometimes I wonder.
I think they both were secretly in LOVE with me...at least that is what I tell myself so I feel better.

As for the TI-89, I never really learned how to use it.
It did get my husband through college though. Accounting, who'da thought?

As for me and math? That was the last mathematics class I ever took, it was enough to get me into college and enough that I shouldn't have to take another class until I actually want to graduate. Can't wait for the tutors.

School sucked.

Thanks mom.

One of the many things...

...I envy about mrs. r:

Her bumm. It is small. I know of no such thing.



Myra and I mocking mrs. r's tiny jeans. Really, we were just totally jealous.





I cry.

Can you believe her pants fit on ONE of my thighs? Oi.

Sending you love today mrs. r. And love to yer bunz.

I honestly think...

...that today, this changed my life.

Ya, I am still alive...sorta.

I *could* say this has been the busiest week of my life, but I KNOW I have had busier.

I also know that it is not going to stop until Friday afternoon, so I am trying not to contemplate on it too much or I will end up in a straight jacket.

Not that the busy has been bad, it has just been, well, BUSY. And, I am tired. Very tired.
BUT I will survive, I always do.

So I will end with this, as I was going through some photos today, I came across these:

My three year old was CLEANING THE BATHROOM.
All on her own.
She moved the stuff to the side, scrubbed down the sink, and the countertops,
(and even the toilet lid...I stopped her from going further).
She was so stinkin' proud of herself.
And I thought she was the most adorable thing on the planet.

Also, she said to me today, (I kid you not, EVERY WORD):

"Mom, sometimes I say that Heavenly Father punishes us (huh?! Where did this come from?) but Heavenly Father doesn't punish us. He just likes to give us rings on our cupcakes."

Truer words...did someone say cupcake?

What the?

Sometimes, especially this week, I cannot fathom why so many seemingly terrible things are happening all around me. Happening to AMAZING people. Ugh.

I hate seeing my friends hurting.
In the course of two weeks I have seen a friend lose a baby, another deal with her baby being very, very sick in the NICU, another friend struggle with legal stuff as well as wondering if her husband will ever find his dream job. Friends I have never met, making decisions about cancer, something no parent should ever have to make. This is just the tip of the iceberg really, I could go on and on and on and on.

Then, things in my own life that I wish would just go away, keep coming back up, like bad Italian.
Seriously, when is enough, enough?

I don't have the answer to that. I wish I did. I had the opportunity to see an old friend tonight. I haven't seen her for 9 years. It was BOMB. The funny thing is, we got talking about my year last year...dood, people, it sucked! It sucked ace. Let's be honest, if this blog wasn't Rated PG13, I may be dropping a few f'bombs about how my year was.

It kills me to think back on it...while at the same time,
I feel so victorious over it.

The trials that seemed to weigh me down, the holes in my walls as proof, now stand as medals of courage and valor, and reminders of where we have come from...and that no matter how bleak things look, there is time to heal the wounds.

Time to break free and hope for something better.
That is it never the answer to give up, but to keep fighting.
Because we all know how cool it is to be a winner.
How thankful I am to finally be on the other side for awhile...to give my hope and heart to those who need it so badly.

I just wanted my friends to know tonight how much I love them.
How often I think of them, and pray for them, and hope for them, and wish the best for them.

• Those who are waiting for babies, both through adoption, and through pregnancy, or hoping for pregnancy.
• Those who have lost their babies do to death and other tragedy.
• Those praying with swollen eyes over their babies whose future is still uncertain.
• Those who watch daily, their little one suffering with cancer (damn brain tumors, damn them!) and are not sure how many more days they will have with their six year old.
• Those who are seeking for peace and finality in their hope to be a forever family.
• Those who really would like to tell their boss to suck it so they can feel a grander scope of what this world has to offer...something other than limbo. (I hate limbo.)

Just praying for you...all of you, with all of my heart. All of it, not one spot left for anything but.

How come...

...after I just finished watching
The Biggest Loser,
I only want to eat
cupcakes?

My kid! Argh!

So, I am having a little problem today with my youngest. She is the sweetest, most gentile, and loving little being so today really came as a shock to me and I am trying to understand why and what to do with her.

After Family Home Evening tonight, which consisted of eating dinner outside, playing, and pulling all the weeds in our new baby grass, I decided our treat would be to walk down to the 7-11 and get Slurpees.

My first mistake was staying outside with Memms and the bikes. (I should have gone inside with Hubbs and J-Man. There was this guy outside the sev with his dog, and he was obviously walking his dog (I have seen him many times.) Anyway, he is a very over-weight guy. Very. So, I start chatting with him a bit...we both say hello, yada, yada, yada. Then, as he is leaving with his headphones on (me praying he didn't hear what came out of Memms mouth) she says:

"Mom! That guy is SO fat!"

She said it loud. I start bawling. Where on earth did my little girl learn this? I know in my husband's culture, his parents are always making one comment or another about how people look (this infuriates me btw) and I am wondering what kinds of things are being said when I am not with my children. I can't help but wonder if this is where she picked it up? Or is it just something that she learned on their own? I am not looking to blame, I just feel awful.

As I gained my composure, Hubbs came out to inform me that they were out of Coke Slurpee and that Memms and I needed to come in and choose a flavor.

He looks at me and I recount what had just happened.
We sit down and have a talk with her, about how it hurts people when we call them names, etc.
(She is the queen of getting upset when people call her names, albeit nicknames, whatnot...she HATES it.)
So anyway, I am HOPING she got it...and praying that this man did not hear her.

Have you ever encountered this with your children? How did you get over feeling like you were the worst parent of all time?

I am going to go eat my king sized candy bar I got instead of a Slurpee, I feel like crawling in a hole and dying of mortification. Maybe if I do this, she will make the comment to me and not so someone else. And believe me, I already know how big my butt is, she has told me. Oi.

Too many days without Prozac.

I hate talking about it. I hate admitting I need them.

I thought I was doing so good.

I had weaned myself off unknowingly.

Then I realized this evening that I really need to keep taking them.

I am super weepy. Obscenely grouchy. And, ULTRA sensitive.

So, tonight, I took one. I am praying that once they hit my system in the next few days I can feel like I can breathe again. How did I ever live without this little kiss of wonder? It hasn't been that long, maybe a week, but dang Gina.
I can't stand admitting I am weak, but perhaps if I do, then maybe others in my situation won't feel so alone, like I feel now.

Tonight I almost wigged out on Hubbs. Well, in my mind I wigged out on him good. I would say "poor guy" but he is fine. Tee hee.
I am SO angry and upset over something so silly.

Why oh why was I cursed with such Biznatchiness?
Is it hereditary?
Am I alone? Please, please tell me I am not. :(
Or perhaps maybe I am just depressed because all of the Easter candy is gone?


ENOUGH of that...

As for happier things, I just totally updated my photography logos, bid'nez card and blog thanks to this lady. Thank you Leisha...you are amazingly talented, I highly suggest you use her!

You may have noticed over yon <------ That I have this cool new button that takes you to my uber cool photography blog. Why just the photography blog you ask? Well, because I am officially announcing that in June 2009 I will have a website up and running. MY website up and running! (I am SUPER excited and stoked at the possibilities.) I can't wait to stare at it all the time. But for now, get your fix here:

(Clicky, clicky.)

Check back often, I have lots of fun sessions coming in the next week...some had to wait because they were surprises. Shhh.

Heart you peeps!

Easter-Licious.

I love, love, LOVE this time of year.
Everything about it.
The rain, the newness of EVERYTHING, the candy.

Oh the candy.

But what I love the most, is watching my kids and all of the excitement they bring back to the simple things in life. Like coloring eggs:

And eating them. Yumm.

So thankful for the plan. Thankful for the sacrifice.

So very much want to have these littles forever...and oh how I plan to!

Easter is the bomb.

I am a "Surprise Cupcake Cone".

What are you?

Mmmm Cupcakes

Take this super fun quiz!

And find out what kind you are...and then go make some!

Delish.

Remembering Them

Love you and thinking of you today my sweet friends.

Read their story in the LA Times.

Tomorrow is Maddie's service. Please wear purple and send positive thoughts and prayers to her family. Much love.

BFF's and Blogging

Moosh in Indy, Hedder, Simply Me. A store window in San Francisco. July 2008

Just finished reading this post at Moosh in Indy.

And now I am bawling.

Been doing that a lot the past two days.

Firstly, thank you to Casey for posting these beautiful words about Heather.

Thank you for actually editing your photos from one of the funnest weekends of my life...photos I have yet to even edit from my own eye.

Thank you for the opportunity to go to BlogHer last year, which allowed me to meet "Hedder" (although I still don't understand a thing you ladies say when speaking lol.) in real life.

I remember when I first started following Heather's blog.

It was when Maddie was about four months old. Back when Heather was still posting at her blogspot. I laugh, I STILL have a blogspot. Go Heather for upgrading!

I remember being so impressed by her wit, her charm, her love, her stamina to face such difficult things and hard trials like that of having a sick bebe.

She did it and she did it with laughter and a smile on her face.
To actually get to meet her in real life was a blessing to me.
Her husband is one of the funniest people I have ever met. They went with Casey and I while we tried on coats, and he had a way of making me feel smokin'. Thanks Mike!
It came at a very dark time in my own life, which is my reasoning for this post.

I am amazed by the outpouring of LOVE that this wonderous blogging community provides. From dealing with my own heartache and trial this past year, to watching the story of Nie Nie unfold, to Tuesday evening when bloggers all over the world united in love to Heather, Mike and Maddie.

Tears overflow. As they should.
This is a Sisterhood of gigantic proportions.
(Okay, brotherhood too.)
What did we do before we had such a strong tie to one another? To people many of us haven't ever met, and probably will never in this life?

I am amazed. See over there <----- just since TUESDAY night, people have given so selflessly in honor of sweet Maddie. Over $20,000. Tears.

I wish with all of my heart that I could have worked life out so that I could be there to support Mike and Heather on Tuesday. To happily wear my purple and show my love to them. I can't. Many, many people cannot. But let's show our love to them in any way that we can blogging friends. Send them a card, a thought, a kind word, anything...show them how much we love them!

Heather & Mike Spohr
11870 Santa Monica Blvd #106-514
Los Angeles, CA 90025


Oh how we need eachother in this realm more than we realize. What a comfort to know that in times such as these that we are no longer alone.

Heartbroken.

My dear friends Heather and Mike lost their sweet baby girl today.

The tears are over-flowing and my heart is wrenching for them.

Please pray for them.

Please donate to The March of Dimes in Maddie's name.

I am in shock. I can't believe she is gone. Oh Mike and Heather, how I love you and am thinking of you and praying for you.

I know there is life eternal.
You will see precious Madds again.

I love you!

If you feel so inclined to send your love and or words of encouragement, or packages,
please do so:

Heather, Mike, & Maddie
11870 Santa Monica Blvd
#106-514
Los Angeles, CA 90025

Also, a PayPal account has been set up to help pay for immediate expenses:

formaddie@hotmomreviews.com

Today...

...I don't want to be the mom. I don't want to be the wife. I don't even want to be me.

(Everything is *basically* okay. Just wanted to make that clear.)

Really, all I want to do today is SCREAM and SHOUT and RUN AWAY.

Do you ever have days like this?

Gah, even as I sit here I am just ANGRY.

I HATE being angry. It is so ugly and so consuming. GAH!

I just want to be her. Carefree, without a worry, without a care.

Was my life ever like this?

Beauty

This is my good friend Nakia. I am using her picture because she is the ONLY one who won't kill me for using it.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to photograph all of the ladies in my ward's Relief Society during an activity.

I have to say this was one of my most challenging and rewarding feats of all time photographically speaking.

I say ONE because
I am constantly growing and changing and challenging myself
in this area.

As I edited these photos, I got really teary. There were super young girls, and older women, and each one was beautiful, and unique and gorgeous in their own way. It was truly eye-opening.

Oh how I would love to share them with the entire world. But I promised I wouldn't.

If you are really intrigued to see them all. The link is here.
E-mail me: kimsueellen [at] gmail [dot] com for the password.

All of these photos were taken after dark, in a small room, bouncing my flash off of a white divider. (The divider was the size of a 20x9 ft wall.)

Hubbs.

This is his version of "putting the groceries away".

Am I the only one with this problem?

A little something I like to call...

1:00 p.m. Church.

Nuff. Said.

Besties

This week has been a little karazay around here. These bebes have been AMAZING. I have worked, cleaned house, napped, and been wonder mom, and these guys?

They haven't complained.

Today I caught them like this:



At first, they didn't even know I was there.

There they were, just rocking together on the rocking chair, munching crackers and talking to each other.

It was pure BLISS to witness.

So I grabbed my camera.

Oh to have a bestie like these have.

Oh how I love.

Oh. How. I. Love.

Anger.

I am appalled. I can't even deal with it today. She should have stayed.

It was his time to go. How dare he talk to MY Filipe like that. OOo I am seriously ticked.

Blue Lemon = Deliciousness

Last week I had the AWESOME opportunity to go to dinner at the FABULOUS

Blue Lemon Bistro

nestled in the foothills of gorgeous Alpine, Utah.






Just the logo makes my mouth water.



I was SO lucky to have been invited to this grand opening of the Blue Lemon with one of my gorgeous BFF's...and also a TON of really neat blogging ladies. I canNOT wait to get them all on my sidebar for my reading pleasure. It was so much fun getting to know them over such delicious food.



Look at the details on these dishes. This was a salmon dish. It looked SO good.



This is what I ordered. I love me a good BLT and this one was a
Lemon-Lime Grilled Chicken BLT.
It did not disappoint.



Here is mrs. r sampling the delicious "acai" berry smoothie. (Like all good things, the acai berry is from Brasil just like Hubbs. Need I say more?) If you haven't sampled acai (pronounced a-sai) it tastes (to me) a lot like fig. It is really good for you. Try it sometime.



So as we wound up the evening we took a photo of the aftermath. I HAVE to tell you about the MOST delicious soup I have ever had. So delicious in fact that YESTERDAY I took J-dawg on a date to the Blue Lemon JUST so I could have another bowl...mmmmmmm

Tomato Bisque. Go, if not for anything else but this, it is D-vine.

J-Man ordered the spaghetti and gave it two thumbs up. He ate it all gone!

Loving the mac and cheese. I got some take-out for Memms and ate almost all of it myself. (Shh, don't tell she didn't notice.)



Here is a pic of me (and a 21 week old Millz) as we toured the lovely restaurant. I had no idea I would match the decor so beautifully.

And beautiful and modern it is! The table tops are a scruptious sparkly blue. They SPARKLE...could be the best thing ever. Intermixed are some gorgeous chocolate brown tables as well.



mrs. r in front of the dessert. The thing I love about Blue Lemon is that they support other local businesses and bakers in the area, from their bread to their yummy cupcakes.



I NEED one of these RIGHT NOW.



There is a lovely little coffee and smoothie shop open early for breakfast.



Oh, and HOW cool is THIS? They offer cooking classes! For adults AND kids. You better believe my kids will be enrolling this summer.



The ice...it is divinity...it is that "pebble-like" ice that they have at hospitals. Mmmm. And these Blue Sky drinks are au-naturale. Loved the Wild Raspberry.

Blue Lemon is extremely green. Their soda cups and take out are all COMPOSTABLE. YES you heard me...the plastic is made out of: Get this: CORN.

BOMB.

So, needless to say I am addicted. I can't wait for Lychelle (the beautiful owner who is not only a birth mother, BUT also a NEW adoptive mother...perfection right?) to open up one near our house. Hear that Chelle? I will even take one at The District if you are wondering.

I am stealing this creative goodness from Kami (also, guess what? She is an adoptive mom, so cool right?) over at no biggie. (Thank Kami!)

The Awesome (and gorg) Blogging Ladies:


Jyl of Mom It Forward
Rachael of Today's Mama
Emily of Georgia Tees
Kelsey of Vanilla Joy
Lindsey of Cafe Johnsonia
Kim of Simply Me
Courtney from Your Heart Out
Vanessa of I Never Grew Up
Carina of The Jet Set
Liz of Say Yes To Hoboken
Stephanie of stephmodo
Marie of Make and Takes
Kami of No Biggie

mrs. r of The R House

Allison of Petit Elefant