Hi

So, you wanna know what's been going on?

Me? Doing good...hanging in there!

Well, just a little STRESSED.

School. Finals. HUGE projects (one right after another after another).

Dealing with a pig for a teacher (yes I liked him the first two weeks, now I am not so sure). I am getting an 'A' though as long as I, "...don't bomb anything we have left due!" Nice. Why do I even care? I have decided there is nothing prestigious about saying, "I graduated from the community college with a certificate in photography." Barf.

Need more money to pay for beautiful, lovely, fun, new house and all that comes with it. Oh and to top it off? We were told the wrong date for our first payment and we were "delinquent" or almost. They called us, figured it was weird we didn't even make the first payment. Luckily nothing went on the credit report, for that I am grateful.

Waiting...for a baby...help?!

Baby hunger sucks. Watching lovely happy little Memm? Wonderful! Or how about Jay? He is getting ready to go to PRESCHOOL! We bought him a new Spider Man backpack, he is in love...and can't wait. Every morning he tells me, "Mom, I am going to preschool today, OKAY?!" Love, love, love him! Oh my goodness. And Miss Memm is talking up a storm. English, Portuguese, a mixture of both...so big so fast. She just makes me laugh and laugh. I am so thankful for these two, they make life worthwhile.

Went to Moab this weekend. It was part of my final project. I will have to post the photos. It was A LOT more powerful than I had anticipated. We had to write up a plan, and how we were going to execute and frightfully enough it came together and expressed everything I was feeling.

What else? Oh, I got a new calling...drumroll please: Activities Committee. Too funny huh? I am SO excited to be working with this other lady, I just felt like I clicked with her the first week in the new ward. She is very outgoing and I think I am meant to be in this calling, it is going to be really good for me! Christmas Party here I come!

Have I mentioned my ward? NO!? I know, I was in my frump...but I LOVE IT! I cannot say enough good about it...I do have a funny bad story that a few of you know...once I have some things done in the yard I will have to share! It is a hoot. Anyway, really good things happening here. Just thankful school is out for a month starting this THURSDAY...can't wait!

Lastly, never something I thought I would do, or would ever want to do, but I am opening up Simply You Photography to weddings. I had an overwhelming month of bookings, all referrals, all weddings. Well, engagements, bridals, weddings...you name it. This is good news, although my first and foremost love are babies and children, so please, don't forget that! ;) Also, two weeks ago I got my first booking to photograph a birth story. Actually, she asked me a year ago, and she finally got pregnant! Congratulations Wendy...so stay tuned for March when I will have my first birth to photograph. Can't wait!

Well, there is a little update. I have missed the blog world. It has been a week since I have been able to read and catch up on everything in your worlds, can't wait. Come back soon and I will have more photos of me and my family, they are just all on the other computer until we get Internet access.

Welcome Home

What can I say, other than I almost had a nervous breakdown? Really, a really bad week last week. Yes, I am blessed, blah, blah, you have all heard that so I won't get into it, but things have been rough. I am thankful to be feeling a bit more on top. Thank you for the support of my dear friends. After a lengthy discussion with my sweet husband, I feel I owe anonymous an apology. I don't know who you are, but you helped me take a long look at my life. I hope that when you come here, you will see that I am just a normal girl, living a normal life, trying to be the best that I can be. Although I must say that trials are hard, if you have never been in the abyss of depression, I hope that it is a place you never have to be. It is a very lonely place and all of the happy thoughts and blessings in the world will not help you out of it. It is my hope that the things written here in the future can help lift people, help them feel more normal, because that is the reason I do this.

I am a little crazy, that is probably why I deleted my blog last week, I just felt so much weight and pressure from all sides I didn't think I could handle one more thing, one more item to have to worry about. I think a lot of this had to do with school. I want to be better, I want this to be a place where you can come and feel uplifted and leave with something to make you a better person. As much as I love my family, I may have days where they are driving me mad, if you have ever had a three year old, you will understand this, but most days, I am full of so much love and gratitude for them. My family is my life, they are my goals and my aspirations. Without them I am nothing, without them there is no me!

So, welcome back. I hope that you will welcome me back and forgive me for my craziness...ah life!

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About Me

"Tchau little baby bed, oi big girl bed!"

"Tchau" from this little one sounds a lot like "Dow". I love it. No she didn't sleep in the Pack 'n Play her whole life. She did have a real crib...but we didn't set it up in the new house. She was sleeping in the travel crib until we got the big girl bed. She is in love...

Learning to love ME!

Wow, lately I have been really down. I told you all abou that. So down that I gained some weight (which is baaaaddd...not a whole "lot" but enough that this doesn't help with things...but that aside, the past week or so has been really great for me. I can't pinpoint exactly the changes that have occurred, but enough to know that Heavenly Father is watching out for me and that he is near.

One of the main things for me has been wanting to be a mother again. It seems so weird to put it that way. I am a mother, but I guess the baby hunger sets in. I want to experience all of those things again, the newness of life, the joy in watching your child along each new step in life. I love each and every day with my children now...I just don't want that stuff to end just yet. If I had Internet access a week ago you would have read a post about me wanting to just be done...just wanting to be satisfied with my two little ones. Wanting to say, "I'm done." I was so ready to come here last week and type up a post saying...screw it all, I am so done with wanting another baby. I was going to talk about my never wanting another person to ask us when we were going to have another...and the fact that if anyone ever did I would likely punch them in the face. You tend to get that a lot when your baby starts going to nursery: Welcome to Utah. I am sure I would not have this problem elsewhere. Then I have to deal with the peeps I come in contact with at the agency. Some waiting for their first child, some their second, some their fourth or fifth, and I get made to feel like I am stupid or the odd man out, like I am taking their child way from them. I guess some of these people just don't understand the whole adoption thing and that their baby is not MY baby...and they will certainly not be getting MY baby. That is a another post entirely. So, anyway, back to the whole loving me thing. I did not come and write that post, because on Tuesday as I was walking through All a Dollar or whatever that insane store is named now (I don't frequent that store, but I had a few minutes to myself and began to wander...actually I am looking for cheap little placemats for my kids so if you find some that are plastic let me know.) and as I was walking down this isle, it just hit me. Peace. Not the peace that I will only have two children, but peace that I will be a mother again, and that having our paperwork in at this time is the right thing...peace that I shouldn't run and write the post about you all and the world asking me about us having another child...just peace knowing that we were making the right decision.

In other areas, my photography. Man, I have been busy with life that I was getting really down and frustrated with this. See, I like to go and scour phography websites. This is good, what I do that is bad is compare my work to other people. You know what I am finally understanding? My work is pretty good. I have grown so much, and when I really take the time to "see" what I have created, it is really great. Techinically things are in the right direction, and I can just take a deep breath and have confidence that these shoots I think are so terrible really are great, and I need to start feeling that I don't have to sell myself short. I love myself enough to know I am not charging enough. That is what everyone tells me, and I have to accept that, and not be afraid to tell the world, "Hey, I have something great to offer. If you want it, come and get it...if you don't like it, kindly step aside." That is really hard for me to say. Hard for me to understand and believe, but I am getting better and better, and I can see that. I took this photo the other day of this little girl and when I saw it, my heart skipped a beat.

It was almost perfect. The tones were all there, the fence may be a little blown out but who cares...it wasn't about the fence, it was about that little girl. It was a neat thing to see. I just love it, and the best part is I did nothing to it but change it to b&w, NOTHING ELSE. This session was one I didn't have to spend a lot of time cropping and playing with...I understand the craft, I have gotten to the point where I am doing it on the job, and it is wonderful for me to see that and love that about me.

I have a long way to go. A. LONG. WAY. But I do love me. So happy for this.

I'm back?!

Well, sort of. I know, I know, you are all SICK and tired of hearing me complain about this and that. We FINALLY got our phone hooked up on Monday, but we are still without Internet fast enough for me to upload a photograph without a nice long nap before it is uploaded...two words DIAL-UP. How did I ever live with this for so long? Ug. Anyway, it seems like I have a BAJILLION sessions to share, and I feel like some of my clients were jipped because they didn't get their photos uploaded to Instaproofs yet. I am so sorry, but no worries, they all have their images and their prints now...life is good in that aspect. Yay, it is about time! I am sure that is what everyone was thinking, especially those of you who, instead of receiving a portrait of your family...I showed up on your doorstep with a photograph of a bride and groom. Yeah, my printer messed up royally, but they made up for it by sending us new prints UBER fast...and two I might add. So, hopefully when I showed up on your doorstep with not only one...but two 16x20's it made up for it? Who doesn't need a 16x20 print of their family in their living room and their bathroom? What?! You don't have one in your bathroom? You must call me, I can hook you up! (I am being sarcastic people...this is how my life has been...KrAzY!)An update on life here in our household. We are all moved in. With the exception of our scrapbook room/office...we turned one of our unfinished room into a family office. Complete with "Flavio's corner office, and my scrapbook crap...stuff I haven't touched in a year. NO JOKE. Sad. My studio is almost put together...my computer should be here by the end of next week. I am so excited I can hardly stand it! Fast...a screen that is so sharp I can almost touch the images, and the pie de resistance...PHOTOSHOP! YES, P-H-O-T-O-S-H-O-P! Oh man...I have done so well so far, but to finally have this wonder, is going to be well, WONDERFUL. We are still waiting on backdrops and lighting as I am going to have a VERY small studio set up in my home, but natural light is totally my thing, but I have a lot of love for all areas of photography so we'll see how all of that goes. Emmaree is in a big girl bed. We went back and forth a little wondering if it was the right time...we moved Jothan into a big bed when he was her age...but at that time we were expecting a baby to join our family within a few weeks and were thrust into it...needless to say we jumped in and just didn't set up the crib on our new house, and she has done wonderfully, with the exception of the other morning when I forgot to close her door before I went to bed and I awoke to her screaming in the basement. I guess she had woken up at around five and went looking for me, and went all the way downstairs (where I work and we usually play) and when she didn't find anyone she freaked out! I found her screaming at the top of her lungs with the biggest alligator tears E V E R! I felt AWFUL, and scooped her up and allowed her to spend the rest of our "bedtime" in my bed, although I am not sure that either of us slept much.Speaking of photography...the class I am taking this summer is AMAZING. It is keeping me out of the loop for sure though. I am in class 12 hours a week and working on the class almost that much...it has been a part time job. Funny to report that I have only picked up my digi four times in the past month, and it was only for photoshoots. I have been working striclty black and white film, and can't wait to share some of the wonderful things I have created. I made this print today of Miss Emm. W-O-W. This is something I have been wanting to learn/do/create for a long time. I am really looking forward to studying medium format and furthering my craft through this type of film. I am hooked!Finally, an update on our adoption process. When we moved we had to have another home study, that went really well, it made us have to get our house in order even faster, which was a big blessing. We are getting a new caseworker in July as ours is moving to New York. We will sure miss our Kate, she was wonderful. We are still working on getting our profile up online...so for now if you all could network for us, and please share our story with anyone you come in contact with that may be able to help us find our next little one. We are so ready. I had some really neat experiences happen to me this past week, the spirit has been so strong in my heart and I only hope this means that there is a baby coming soon. Again, if anyone does know of someone, I can send you a copy of our profile for you to share with them. We love each of you who have already shared our story with others...we'll see if any of it comes full circle, but just knowing that you are willing to share, and remembering us is very touching, words cannot express our love and gratitude to you!Well, that is about all from us here tonight. I'll leave you with a copy of our "Adoption Collage" I think it turned out pretty cute...since it took me hours and hours to create it...how do you digital scrapbookers do it? I need a little help for sure!

I did end up changing this second page a bit, but simply cannot find where on earth I saved it on this computer...but you get the idea, I think I took of "family fun" (I hated it, but it was suggested to us to put it on there, it is just SO not me!) Thanks to Holly and Leisha for the some of the photographs. What amazingly talented women, I am so blessed to have them as my friends, and their work helped me to create a beautiful collage!Anyway, miss you all, I am slowly catching up on your blogs...so if you see me comment that means I have caught up on your happenings, can't wait to be a part of your lives everyday again!

A Post Without Pictures...

...is like a tear rolling down my cheek. I dunno, that sounds totally lame, but I am pretty bummed that I don't have a photograph. A few things...a little business: If you have had sessions with me the past week, please expect your session back in two weeks from now. I do not have a computer set up at the moment and I am running a good week behind. Also, if you are waiting on prints, I will try to have them for you by next Friday.My heart is so full today. I cannot even begin to express the amazing and wonderful things that have happened to me over the course of the last few days. Things that I cannot even express here on this blog, but maybe soon...hopefully. I just know that the Lord is mindful of ME, of my little world, and of my needs. I am slowly digging my way out of the abyss and I see a little light coming my way. I picked up my camera today, the first since Monday...seems not too long huh? Well it was for me. I took some amazing photographs that I can't wait to share with all of you.Can't wait to catch up on everyone's happenings...just a few more days...bear with me! Hugs to all.

"Teef" and "Preto shoes like Daddy!"

Yesterday was just "one of those days" one of those days that you wouldn't necessarily repeat, and yet, one of those days that teaches you so much...that what you gain from it is so valuable, that maybe, just maybe you would repeat it to gain better understanding. This post may seem silly to some of you, yet for others it will probably cut you to the core like it has me, my emotional core and my spiritual core.

The day began as usual. I put my kids down for their naps at the usual time, and surprisingly, for the first time in a week little Jothy decided that he would take a nap. Bliss. As I had to prepare for a photo shoot that afternoon, and so I was trying to get dinner made before I left. Flavio came home early, and he was so tired he decided to take a nap on the couch. I was in the kitchen making crepes (and if you have ever made them you will know that you cannot leave them or they will burn.) Well, little Miss had woken up from her nap and she was amusing herself with a few odds and ends in the other room and then I heard giggling...from her and from Jothy. This is when the thought crossed my mind, "Oh, Jothan is awake! I need to go and give him a great big hug and tell him how much I love him." Then reality set in and knowing I would be leaving in ten minutes and I had just poured some more batter in the pan...I couldn't leave for another minute or two. Then I heard it. "Whaaaaaaaaa!" I proceeded, "Jothan, what happened?" "I hurt my mouth!" (All in Portugese.) I knew something was wrong because he answered me in Portuguese! Ahh, I ran into the living room to a boy with a bleeding mouth. Ug, blood is never a good sign. Flavio took him into the kitchen and I ran and got a washcloth. I asked him what had happened and he said he fell on the stairs. The stairs? The stairs! He tripped and did this much damage on our carpeted stairs?

Well, we called the dentist...he wasn't much of a comfort or help...so I called ALL of the pediatric denstists I could find in the phone book until one answered the phone since all of the offices were closed. That sweet man stayed after office hours until we could get there, just so he could take a look at Jothy's mouth.

The verdict? Well, we still won't know for at least two weeks, when he goes back to see the dentist, but for now, he can't eat solid foods, he can only drink through a straw and the worst part...he can't brush his teeth (although I have tried a little.) ;) What could happen? He could lose both of them, one of them...they could turn black, they could heal...and if they heal, then there is a possibilty that they will fuse to the bone...and if that happens they may have to be surgically removed when he is older. His little teeth just look so bad, yesterday they were pushed back and down, and now one of them looks like it is barely holding on. :(

For me, during this whole time, my heart was breaking. As a mom you want to do everything in your power to protect your children from pain. I was surprisingly very calm. So much so, that when Flavio left with Jothan and I ended up having Emmaree on my photo shoot (which I should have cancelled, but just couldn't disappoint) I broke down. I broke down sobbing in the car, and later last night when I was all by myself. He is such a little trooper. This morning, I asked him how he was doing and he said (in his newly acquired lisp), "It hewrts so bad Mom! I bwoke my teef like Vovo, (his grandpa who has a chipped tooth) but the doctow is gonna fix my teef, and Heavenly Fathew is going to help them feew better and get me new teef huh Mom?!" Such innocence, such faith. His smiling face says it all. Oh how much I love this little bundle. He must be in so much pain and yet he smiles...he jokes about it with us, and he teaches us. How thankful I am for him. Even though I cannot take his pain away, I can teach him the power of prayer...the power of faith...and in turn he teaches me! Thank you Jothy!

Now, about these shoes. Yesterday amidst all of the crying and calming, I was asking Jothan if he wanted me to bring him home some ice cream...no. How about chocolate milk? No. Hmm, how about some oranges? No. Okay then...what do YOU want me to get for you to make you feel better? "Preto shoes like Daddy!" Now, where he pulled this out I will never know. Preto means black...he wanted black tennis shoes like his dad! After my photo shoot I took Emmy to the store and we found these really cool Chucks...but I bought them TOO big...so today I took them back and guess which ones Jothan chose? The black ones like Daddy. I'll have to take a picture of him in the ones that actually fit, but he loves them so much he asked to sleep in them. Hey, whatever takes his mind off of his mouth, I'm game!

Sorry for the longish post. I am recording this more for me and for dear Jothan. I hope that everyone is having a fabulous week!
--Hugs--

The Nativity

And Now

Six years and thirty pounds ago, we were sealed in the temple for all eternity on December 23, 2000. It is so hard to believe that it has been six years since that lovely day. Flavio took me to the temple, and it was so nice to see other brides freezing, I was so glad it wasn't me! Then we were off to see The Work and the Glory. We had some time to kill so we ended up at of my favorite stores--TARGET! We ended the evening with a lovely dinner at The Roof. I lugged my camera along on our date all I wanted was the "perfect picture" which didn't happen--I should have hired someone! I love the bottom photograph even though it is overexposed, I even took others to try to make up for the overexposure, but this was still my favorite because Flavio was kissing me and making me laugh so the body language was just so real. I am so thankful for this kind and loving man. He is a wonderful husband and father, and even though he drives me crazy, and makes me scream now and then, he is in love with me, and I with him. I am sure I give him my fair share of headaches now and then! As the years go by my love only deepens for this soul whom Heavenly Father saw fit we should meet and become one--a forever family--I can't wait!

Cookie Bliss?!

Today was a day that I really wish I had Photoshop. If I did, I would create a storyboard for you about Little Miss. For those of you who may not know me very well, I am a strict mother when it comes to my children having any "sweets" before their first birthday. Well, today I broke that rule when I allowed 11 month old Memms a taste of Christmas Cookie Bliss. I gave her the cookie--for the sheer photo opportunity mind you, and then as soon as the photograph was taken I took half, ONLY HALF of her cookie away and she WIGGED OUT! Total cookie meltdown! She goes from bliss, to screaming banshee, and finally to acceptance. That's the last time I break down a month early! ;) J-Dawg handled things a bit better than Miss and has been asking me all day, "Mom, can I have a cookie?" I happily obliged. Did I mention how much I love Christmas?

A Christmas Tradition

Christmas, like for many of you, is my favorite time of the year. It is a time of tradition, a time to reflect on family and friends and of Christmas past and present and those yet to come. One of my favorite traditions is to make my Great Grandmother Crawford's sugar cookies. I remember eating them since I was a little girl. Although my grandma died shortly after my birth, this recipe has always had special meaning for me and for my family. When I was a teenager, I perfected the recipe, from the exact "pinch of salt" to the way the dough feels, to the exact moment they can come out of the oven, these cookies are near to perfection as anything I can bake, and I am not a big baker either! This year, my gift to you is to share this recipe. Don't be discouraged if they don't turn out on your first try, they are definitely something to be practiced. Yum. Merry Christmas everyone!

Great Grandma Crawford’s Sugar Cookies

1 cup sugar
½ cup shortening
½ cup milk
3 cups flour
1 egg
2 teaspoons baking powder
½ teaspoon vanilla
Pinch of salt
1 teaspoon baking soda

Cream sugar and shortening in a large bowl. Add egg, milk, vanilla, and mix. Combine dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Add flour, soda, powder, and salt to the sugar mixture, adding more flour as needed to form a firm ball of dough. Roll dough out to ¼ inch thick and cut into desired shape. Bake at 375 degree oven for 8-10 minutes or until the edges of cookies are slightly golden brown. Frost and decorate.

Sugar Cookie Icing

¼ cup shortening
½ teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons vanilla
¼ cup milk
¼ teaspoon desired flavoring-we like to add cinnamon oil
3 cups powdered sugar

Mix shortening, salt, vanilla, and sugar adding more sugar until desired consistency. Mix in flavoring and color as desired.