My Millz.

Just checked my mail.

As in, the old skool kind.

Had a pleasant surprise from Crystalyn today.

Thank you.

I had forgotten she was ever this small.

Love you.

Blogging Blitz

Hi there.

I have some schtuff brewing around in my little head.



I need your help tho.

This year I want to do some things differently on this here blog.
My goal is to advocate for adoption more, and to help spread the word that there are SO many parents looking for children, on the flip side, there are also so many children looking for families. I am certain many of you know my good friend mrs. r she is the bomb.
I want to be like her when I grow up, so this is my small way of doing just that.

SO twice a month I want to highlight a family that is hoping to adopt.
Do you want me to highlight you?
Awesome.
Do you want to be added over here:
<-----------------------------------------------------------?
Awesome.

If you have been placed with and or had a baby recently and you are on that list...can I remove you for a little while to highlight those who are hoping for a child right now?

Can you help me to update that list?

Awesome.

email me: kimsueellen{at}gmail{dot}com

Come back soon, for the bloggity blogging blitz is gonna start.
and there is SO much more than adoption going to be talked about.
We will start off with the trial of the YEAR involving my husband.
Hilarity you won't want to miss.

Ready? Set?

GO!

Heavy Heart

My mind and thoughts have been consumed heavily with
Natalie, Richie, and their sweet family this week.

There are lots of things I need to blog.
Lots of things to tell you about.
But all of those seem so insignificant.

It has been difficult to think of anything but them.

While I hope to never understand fully what they are feeling, I do know my own personal hell in the loss of our baby almost two years ago. Perhaps this is why Nat is on my mind continually.

Even then I can't imagine loving and holding and kissing your baby
and then to have to let him go.

I have been hugging my three babies close to me, we have been cuddling on the couch more, playing more games, and taking the time to truly cherish all of our blessings.
I hope you are doing the same.

We know and understand that life is precious.
How thankful we are for a plan that will allow us to all be reunited with those we love.

I ask for your continued love and prayers and support to this sweet family.

I am taking the weekend off from blogging and e-mail,
to truly enjoy the blessings I have.

Until Monday.

All my love.

Tiny Gavin

pic courtesy of natalie's blog

Please send your love their way.

No one should have to endure this.

No one.

Natalie's faith is amazing and inspiring.
Let it change you.

Pray like you have never prayed before...

pic courtesy of natalie's blog

I have been watching this story unfold via twitter and facebook throughout the last week.

I met Natalie two years ago at the Film is Not Dead workshop in Hawaii.

I immediately liked Natalie, she and I had a lot in common.
I recall discussing adoption with her during that workshop...she and I were in similar boats and circumstances when it came to building our families.

Happily and miraculously, 8 weeks ago she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy whom she named Gavin after her brother who had passed away.

Baby Gavin is in the hospital at this moment fighting for his life.
He has Pertussis.
Also known as whooping cough.

What Natalie doesn't know is that as I have been reading her tweets and facebook, part of me has wanted to turn away...reliving too well the moments my nine day old Memms was admitted to Primary Children's Hospital at the tiny age of nine days...she also had RSV and they were throwing around all sorts of things at me like Pertussis...and Whooping cough.
(luckily for Memms the incubation period of Pertussis was before her birth...so she only had RSV to deal with.)

This baby Gavin has much more on his tiny shoulders.

Will you PLEASE...PLEASE...PLEASE pray for him?

Pray like you never have before.

I cannot bear to watch my friend go through this alone, but if we all can pray, she can feel our love for her and this little boy can pull through.

Thanks you guys.

All my love Natalie.

ALL. OF. IT.

Welcoming 2010 with a Grateful Heart

My heart has been full the last week.
Full of love for a few of my very dearest friends.
Full of gratitude for the miracles that surround us each and every day.
Both the large and the small.

First, I am so thankful to my Father in Heaven for blessing my dear friend Sue.
She has been such a dear and amazing friend to me since I can remember. She had an accident two weeks ago, in which through crazy bits of circumstances almost cost her her life.

I am amazed at the protection that was upon her
these past two weeks.
I was able to spend the afternoon with her yesterday. Seeing her alive, and well made me ever so grateful to our loving Heavenly Father who blessed her and protected her, and allowed me to continue to have the blessing of her friendship on this earth.

Many tears were shed as I marveled in awe of her quick healing. Her accident made me realize just how much I value her friendship, how thankful and lucky I have been to have her example in my life, and I don't want to take that for granted EVER again. I vowed to be a better friend to her and to all of my friends, because life is short...and sometimes life is cut short.

Today is the day to act...to love...to serve.

Secondly, I had the opportunity to spend a few days this week in Washington D.C. with two of my besties.

Leisha, and mrs. r.

Words cannot express the gratitude I have felt for the blessings that the closing of 2009 brought to my heart on behalf of mrs. r and her family.

I was able to witness the sealing of sweet little
Gavin
to his parents and to his big brother Tyson.

Tears streamed down my cheeks the entire night before as I felt the power of such a miraculous event, many of you have read throughout the year.

I, of all people understand the pain and anguish that comes from trial after trial...if you don't know what I am talking about, just go back and read my entire year of 2008.

Leisha, mrs. r and I joke often about how 2008 sucked for me...2009 for mrs. r,
and hoping beyond hope that 2010 is good for ALL of us...including YOU dear reader.

The power of eternal families was once again renewed in my heart as I watched this sweet family become sealed in the beautiful temple. The day was perfect...really it was.
(My photos on the other hand? Maybe not so much...thankful Leisha was there to capture it all with me.)

Life is sweet. I hope you can taste the sweetness that is there.

May 2010 and the years to come bring you much happiness and joy.
Please remember miracles have not ceased.
They will continue to flow....even in the darkest of times.
Hold onto that.

Much love.

Of Old Ladies ,Teenagers and er Thirty Somethings.

I started the training for this today.

I. am. beat.

Due to the freezing cold temperatures here in my hometown, I have had to resort to getting a membership to our local family fitness center.
I ran on an indoor track today.

One mile is 11 times around the track.

That is 33 laps.

Thirty. Three.

My mind is still numb.

There has to be a better way.
Pedometer.

Until then, it will be me, my iPod, and the numbers going through my head...
lap 1...lap 2...lap 3...etc...

While I am certainly tired, I am excited to be on this journey again.
I had forgotten how much I love running for the sheer ME time it allows.

There is something about spending an hour or more with yourself,
meditating and conversing.
(Is it possible to meditate while running?)

I was able to release a lot of pent up frustration and problem solve a few things.

When I wasn't problem solving, I kept my eye on the random
mop buckets strewn about the track.
Three to be exact.
They were red.
Were they there because the roof happens to have leaks at those particular points?
Or perhaps they were there in case someone needed to puke?
(I would be lying if I said the thought hadn't crossed my mind that I may have to puke in them...I actually have been feeling all day the need to puke since my three miles this morning.)

Random.

Other thoughts?

How come that girl who looked to be about 13 was out lapping me repeatedly?
Every time she would pass me, I just kept thinking...
"I am almost 30." "I don't got it anymore."
PROOF I am getting...eek O-L-D

Then...toward lap 25 an older lady with silver hair pushing a walker got on the track...and for the next 8 laps, it felt SO good to pass her repeatedly.

Pathetic
is having 13 year old pass BOTH me and the old lady at the same time.
I'm just going to pretend that didn't happen.

What are you all up to after all the holiday goodness?

Nine Years and a Million More

The time has flown by.

NINE years.

It feels so strange to say that. It feels like just yesterday I met this amazing man.

So, in honor of our ninth year anniversary,
I will share with you the story of how we met.

Hubbs and I met shortly after his mission for
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.
He had served his mission in Anaheim, California. He was 22 years old,
I was 18.
YES 18.

I was still in high school!

I would leave school at 2:10 p.m. and basically speed (yes...SPEED) to make it the ten miles to be to my full time job at 2:30 p.m.

How many high school kids do you know that go to school all day then go straight to work and don't get home until 10 at night? Not many.

I did it. I did it for 6 months during my senior year.

It was rough.

Anyway, to make a really long story even shorter, I didn't work most Thursday nights because I had a clinical class for nursing assisting that I had to attend on Thursdays. So the first day of training for a new area of this job happened to be on a Thursday. I came into work on Friday, and during our meeting everyone was jabbering on and on and on about the trainer. How he wore a pink polo shirt, and his name was "Fabio" and how gay he must be.

Hilarious, I laughed along, thinking how funny it was, and a wee bit sad I missed out on the pink shirt because I had been gone. I knew I wouldn't have the chance to meet this Fabio because I wasn't going to be doing phone work with the rest of the group.

As I walked to the computers that day after our group meeting, one of my good friends from training convinced me in about 30 seconds that the phone work was REALLY easy and SO much better than the computers. If any of you know me, you know that in high school I was HIGH ANXIETY.

The fact that I even went to sit down and learn the phones was an amazing feat.

Anyway, I sat down and shortly after met the famed Fabio.

No pink shirt (to my dismay).
I did, however notice that he was wearing a CTR ring.



This convinced me that he probably wasn't gay,
and that perhaps there was some explanation for his pink shirt.

Over the course of the next few weeks, I noticed he would always talk to this old lady.
I thought it was super weird because he was so young and always spent his time
with this other woman.
(this woman turned out to be his MOM.)

Our seats were not assigned either so my friends and I would move around quite often. One day my friend said to me,

"Kim, don't you notice that Fabio always sits next to you?"

I hadn't really noticed up until that point, I just thought he was being nice and helpful. Tee hee. I did notice him on breaks and stuff that he would often be in close proximity to me. After that I started to notice that he took every opportunity to be by me.

A few weeks later I had some Pepperidge Farm cookies in my bag, and I asked Fabio if he wanted some...so I shared.

That began our deep conversations.

He asked me that night if I wanted to 'hang out' and go bowling with him and some of his friends.

I had to politely decline (it was a school night and my curfew was basically when I got off work).

He had no clue what a 'curfew' was.

Strike one for Fabio.



A couple days later, he asked me to 'hang out again'.

I finally got the idea that this guy had a THING FOR ME!

AHHHH. I wanted nothing to do with him. He was 22, and was only looking for a wife.

I was 18, and I had SO many plans. College, mission, backpack Europe. Etc...etc.

Marriage was THE furthest thing from my mind. My parent's marriage had ended in divorce and I was kind of anti-marriage at that point in my life.

Strike two for Fabio.



Again, he asked me out...

Strike three.

I have to tell you at this time in my life, I REALLY was busy an I had LEGITIMATE excuses to be turning this young man down.

I really didn't want to date him, he was from Brazil, and had a great accent, and he was kind of cute, but needed some serious wardrobe help...and really I didn't want to deal with it.

Strike four.

The poor guy asked me out FOUR times and I said NO each and every time.




The time came for my little group of trainees to move to another building. There was this small part of me that felt bad for this guy who had tried so hard to ask me out.

On the last night we were in the same building, I wrote my number down on a piece of paper and slid it to him.

I apologized for always being too busy to 'hang out' with him and told him to call me sometime.

I was pretty sure he wouldn't call.

I think I was hoping he wouldn't.

He called two days later.




I picked up the phone and it was Flavio!

He called wanting to know if I could go out and I said YES.

He was SO stunned that he stammered and sputtered.
(he hadn't even planned a date...so sure I was going to say no.)

He asked me to go to a birthday party of one of HIS Brazilian friends, and said:

"Do you want to meet me there?"

I said, "Well, that would be great except I have no idea who your friend is, and you are asking me out so you probably should come and pick me up."

Poor Flav.



He came and picked me up later that evening. I kept looking out the window for some atrocious beater car. When a super sporty red car pulled in front of my house and Flavio got out, I was floored.

Say what?!

Home Run.



We went out.

Here is where I would like to tell you it was the most romantic date ever.

It wasn't.

It was horrible.

We spent the evening with 30 or so Brazilians who spoke only Portuguese.

Not the best first date for someone who only knows English.

He took me home that night and I vowed not to do that again.

He called me the next week.

I decided to give him ONE more chance.



I am so glad that I did.

Our second date was the best I have ever been on.

I knew that night that this man was going to be my eternal companion.

Really. I. Did.

Strange but true.

Nine months later we were married.

I was still 18.



It was the best decision I ever made.

I love you sweet 'Fabio'.

So thankful for you.

Nine years.

3 Kids. 1 Angel.

and a hope for a million more years together.

Happy Anniversary Love.

I NEED MORE!!!

e-mail me

and I will send you an address where you can send me copious amounts of
YOUR
pass along cards.

I assure you they will be going all over the country...and maybe even the world.

Huggs.

kimsueellen [at] gmail [dot] com

"The 'breastfast' of champions."

A story of weaning.

5 months

That is it. It is all I can do. It is the farthest I have gotten with any of my babies.

I feel kind of 'meh'.

I want my body back.

Selfish I know.

Part of it probably has something to do with the fact I am flying with my sweet baby in about two weeks, and I really, REALLY don't feel comfortable nursing while I sit in the middle of two complete strangers.

Really? I know teeth are coming and I am afraid.

Also? I am really fat.

Like, REALLY.

Like, I have never been so big in my ENTIRE life.

This makes me sad.

My body holds onto every gram of fat I put into it, like a squirrel gathering nuts for winter, my body thinks that it must not let any of it go for fear it can't produce enough milk for this little one.



Do I feel guilty? A tiny bit.

JUST a tiny bit.

(I feel more guilt about the day we pierced her ears...now that is a tragedy.)

I do know however that I am going to be a MUCH better mom when I am not so stressed about whether or not she is getting enough, or that I have to be home within three hours from the exact time I leave the house. A little excited that maybe I can sleep through the night one of these weekends when my husband doesn't work, as this sweet face STILL wakes up every three hours at night. I am a zombie.

Love this sweet tiny thing. She brings me so much joy. Thank you Millz for not making me feel guilty when I gave you that bottle of formula for the first time in your little life today.

Thank you for drinking it right down and
smiling
through it all.

Just what I needed, you are definitely a champ.

This is Familiar

The instant I held Millz in my arms for the first time,
she was familiar.



At first, I wasn't sure if it was because she looked so much like her brother and sister,
or if it was because
SHE herself was familiar.

Of course, it was because she was familiar.

The first few days and weeks that she was a part of our home, a part of our lives,
she brought an
air of familiarity
to our hearts.



This tiny girl was the reason, the push, the drive of the previous three years. She was the one standing behind the veil SCREAMING for us to not give up on her. It was her spirit begging for us to not give up hope for another child to come to our home. It was her. She wanted so badly to come to us...and when she was finally here, it was with the simple, sweet, enduring ways of a baby that I realized as her mother that I already knew her inside and out.

I KNEW HER.

She. Was. Familiar.



As I look back on the almost five months since she came to us, I am in awe of her spirit. Her happy face, and the sweet love that she has for us.

She was worth Every tear. Every heartache. Every loss.

Every. Single. One.

I would do it all again for her.

To my friends still 'waiting' or still 'finding' or still 'hoping'...
don't give up.

Your 'Familiar' is waiting, standing behind an unseen veil,
waiting and hoping just as hard as you are!

She is proof:

Ross the Intern and My Grandpa Jerry

I have forgotten the hilarity of Ross the Intern
when he crossed paths with my Grandpa Jerry a few years back.

It wasn't until some friends and I were discussing when

Ross met Danny,

the newest winner of The Biggest Loser on Tuesday night.
How that Ross had us in stitches.

My Grandpa Jerry, (my dad's stepdad) passed away a few years ago.

Go and enjoy the hilarity for yourself:

HERE

Is the last thing Jerry says to Ross not the funniest thing you have EVER heard?

I miss him. I know my brother misses him dearly.

What a treasure this video is.

Back to Work--

--ing Out.

I had about two weeks to work out hard between having Millz and before my surgery,
which put me out from almost no exercise for another six weeks.

It has been hard on me.

The last four months have just been one lazy, messy, day after another. Last week was the week when the red light turned to green, which meant I needed to get my lazy ars off of the couch...
(not that it spends much time there anyway with three little ones.)

So, Friday I started my exercise routine, three weeks before I start training for THIS.
(still waiting on word if I got in though, cross your fingers.)
It is not too late to get in on it too...sign up for the lottery...training starts Dec 27!
Get your super fab shirts here.

Anyway, today I tried the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred.

Holy Bananas.

I got this DVD for a STEAL only $10 on a Target sale (my fave store) and holy mother.

I hurt.

I never realized 20 minutes could hurt so good.

I think I just might be able to get back into this work--ing out thing again.

As for 'real' work?
Ya I've been doing that too.

Check it out here.

Huggs.

Fighting back the tears...

...of JOY.



So, yesterday was J-Man's FIRST official SEP.

Call it what you would like:
"Student Educational Plan"
"Parent Teacher Conference"

It is what it is.

Seeing how it was J-Man's first...that automatically means, it was also MY first (as a parent).

We got to the school, sat across from his teacher, and she just goes on and on at what a great boy J is.

How sweet he is.
How kind he is.
How SMART he is.
How helpful he is.
How loving he is.
How he helps her SO much.
How she rarely gives '5''s...but how he had almost ALL 5's

I did not doubt that he would be just as good at school as he is for me.
I had to try really hard to fight back the tears of joy that I felt for my little man.

He is a rock.

Upon leaving she told Jothan:

"Come around the table and give me a hug."

Which he did. She proceeded to whisper lots of things in his ear, finishing off with what I assume was the question:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

He promptly replied:

"A missionary."

First on his list. I don't know where he gets it.
The tears spilled over.

I love this little man.
So proud of the person he is becoming.

Alien Names

****If you weren't aware, Hubbs originates from the land of Brazil.
He came to the United States just shy of age 18.
This is important information to have upon reading this post.
Enjoy.***

A few weeks back, we were all driving in the car as a family.

We are conversing about names and whose dad is "Grandpa Fur-Face", and what is
his REAL name, and what is Grandma's name, etc...etc.

So I begin to tell J-dawg and Memms:

"Well, my mom's name is Mary.
her Husband is Joseph.

My dad's name is Don.
his wife's name is Tisha.

Grandma Lorraine's name is Lorraine.

Get it?"

To which J-Man promptly replies:

"Wow! At least they aren't alien names."

Me: "Alien Names?! What do you mean?"

J-Man: "You know Alien Names like: Flavio, Zuleide and Claudio."

The names of his dad, grandma and grandpa.

What I will or will not admit is that maybe just maybe I think they sound a bit alien too.
Hubbs just broke out into sheer laughter.

Needless to say upon further discussion,
(according to him mind you)
J-Man will under
no circumstances
be passing
along ANY of these family names to his children.

Black Friday Deals in the Et-say!

custom initial necklace.
email me if you are interested in customization.

custom three name bar necklace with birthstones.

custom grandma brag bracelet.

from 12:01 am on friday, november 27th through 11:59 pm on saturday, december 5th we will be offering FREE SHIPPING to anyone living in the united states or canada.

consider it r holiday treat to you.

to browse our already made earrings, bracelets, necklaces and adoption shirts click HERE.

"Mom?"

"Did you just give Millz a bath?"

Me: "Ya sweetie, why?"

"'Cuz she smells like donuts."

Squish, squish, squish. I love him.

BTW Memms is guest posting today at the r house.

GO READ!

I ask a lot of you...

...but thanks to your help my friend 'Bec' made it through to the final round on the Good MOod Blog Contest!

PLEASE...take a few minutes to go and vote for her.

Vote here!

And if you have more than one browser, you can vote for her on all of them.

Thanks, you guys totally rawk!

I can be perfect at some things.

Hubbs and I often joke about perfection.

In our religion we believe we can be perfected and exalted in time.

A process that takes a really really long time
and a process that definitely won't happen here on Earth.

Part of this process is the Word of Wisdom...maybe you have heard of it.
Basically we don't smoke or drink alcohol, that kind of stuff.

Other things we have been asked to do, is not look at pornography, or watch R rated movies.

Also, keeping the sabbath day holy.

All of these things help us to grow closer to our Father in Heaven and leave behind the things of the world, that would take us away from our family.

So, as the joke goes with Hubbs and I,
ESPECIALLY when it comes to the R rated movie thing...is that:

"We can't be perfect at ALL things,
but we can be perfect at SOME things."

So when the temptation comes to watch that movie that looks just too good to pass up...we remember our small area of perfection.

One area we are striving to perfect is our
Family Home Evening.

Family Home Evening, or "FHE" as we call it, occurs on Monday nights in our house, and is basically what it sounds like, we spend the evening as a family. The Church suggests doing spiritual activities or creating family memories.

Let me preface by saying the last year has been full of ups and downs and I am not always perfect at planning FHE in advance. Oftentimes it really is planned 5 minutes before we are suppose to start it. Tee hee.

See...NOT perfect, but WORKING on being perfect.

So, last night was FHE. I had these little foam turkey kits that I had purchased awhile back...and so I decided that for Family Home Evening we would talk about Thanksgiving and why we celebrate it.

So I read a book, we talk, we ask questions, all the while making six little turkeys to give away to people the kids were thankful for.

So we jump in the car and proceed to drop off all of our little turkeys.

On the way home, little Memms says:

"Mom! I really like this Family Home Evening,
it is a FUN one, and not a BORING one."

My kids are hilarious, and oh so brutally honest.

A friend in need:

...the holidays are hard enough, and especially difficult when someone

you love is facing a very costly surgery.

My good friend Nakia is raising money for
her son's upcoming surgery.

Please visit her fundraising site to see if there is a
way you can help her.

She is making pies for Thanksgiving...nothing more delicious than Nakia's pies I tell you what!

The Rubied Apple

If you aren't into pies, she has lots of other beautiful things, like
this piece of art
from yours truly.