"2" cute, "2" funny, "2" beautiful, "2" smart, "2" silly, "2" adorable...

I think that "2" might very well be my favorite birthday. For that reason! We spend the whole week thinking of things that they are "2"! OOooooooo squeeeee. I love this little girl. This is her new "give me a big smile" face and I LOVE IT! I could just eat her up! So thankful to have her here, even after her rocky start...just so thankful for her! And as for this man. Can't think of anything cute to say about "30". Hmmm, maybe "30" headaches, "30" gray hairs, "30" inch waist, "30" something, "30" thousand dollars...I dunno I am reaching here. But honestly, he is THE love of my life. I hope you had a good day sweetie! I don't know where I would be without you!
...but seriously, would love that "30" inch waist of yours!

Love, Me!

Hoping to Adopt (Again) Part 4

Meet Ben, Amanda, and Isaac.

It has been my honor to meet this family a little over two and a half years ago as they were beginning their adoption journey. It has been wonderful to watch Ben and Amanda become parents. Amanda is such an amazing mother. When I talk to her, I know that she takes this job seriously and helps me want to be a better mother myself. Ben is an amazing person as well. He is very kind, smart, and caring to his wife and his son. I admire that in a husband.

I would love nothing more than to see this wonderful family grow through adoption. So, keep them in your prayers, and please, if you know of someone who is considering adoption. Consider them!

What?!

I'm not all crazy about Hollywood. But this surprised me. Wow.

No Photographs Today

Sorry!

I feel so bad. I haven't picked up my camera for ME in about two weeks. So, I have nothing of personal worthiness to share. I feel like this last week I was out of the loop. I thought the migraine was gone by Thursday. It wasn't. It had me in it's awful grasp from Wednesday until Saturday morning. Blech. We went to the temple on Friday night and embarassingly enough I almost passed out during the session. I just had to go, had to make it to the temple, and then my head was pounding, and I felt like I was going to lose everything I ate that day right there on the session. Luckily (or unluckily) some of my friends noticed and demanded I sit down. I made it through the session a'ight though. I just about died on Sunday as I was walking down the hall and my dear bishop stops me and says, "You look much better today!" Thanks for noticing. Anyway, SO I haven't looked at ANY blogs since last THURSDAY. Blogs are like a drug for me. There have been no late nights for SO many days, it is weird to be up late again tonight. But, alas, duty calls and I am up late working as usual.

Just thought I would give you all an update. I'll try to pick up that camera and capture some goodness from my life.

Wishing...

...in this case, that floating was a good thing. Just had some odd stuff happening lately. Just wish I had more understanding in some areas of my life. Glad that you all understand those feelings too! ;) I needed that today!

Ever felt...

...like you were floating? Ever wonder why things happen? Ever wondered for answers? Ya, me too.

Kinda Cool

There's this blog I visit sometimes. It's perty cool. Anyway, she did a little ditty on DT, and she used our faces. Totally rad. We have some awesome faces!

Migraine

I have had THE worst migraine today. Complete with wanting to barf and everything. I hate the fact that I feel like I can't take anything two weeks out of the month for fear I may be pregnant. I pretty much hate taking medication for anything. So, barring on the safe side, I didn't. I even went so far as to go to Arby's for the loverly sandwich (minus the Dr. Pepper). That usually does the job. I knew that it has to be combined with a DP to do the trick. Needless to say, I am still sitting here with a horrendous headache that Tylenol only wishes it could touch. Anyway...coming here and seeing an old post made me sick, so...here's a photo. I love it, one of my faves. Enjoy.

M.I.A

This is what our room has turned into: Almost every night. I think this was actually a nap, hence the Spidey jams. I won't let him wear them to bed. Anyway. Good times. Can anyone make my kids SLEEP in their own beds again? Ug. So irritating. They have HUGE bean bags which luckily they sleep on. They were so good to sleep in their rooms though. Don't know what to do. Anyway, SO not the point of this post.

School started again. I am once again swimming in craziness, and fear I have once again bitten off more than I can chew. Today I signed up for a three day class in May with our school to go to L.A. I am freaking out a bit about all the travel I will be doing this year. I don't handle flying so well, and well, right now I have three trips which require it. Hoping that I can get over that and just have fun! I am sure it will all be worth it and so utterly exciting. I'll tell you more as they approach.

Anyway, I don't handle stress the best, so I am trying to slow down and "let go" of some things, and hold tight to others. I definitely want to spend more time with my kiddos. They are at the top of the list. I am trying to schedule my sessions this year on certain days of the week, so once I get all of that worked out, I will be excited to launch that, and the site. I just realize as much as I love photography, I need to keep my family my top priority. These years go by so fast I just don't want to miss anything they have to offer. School is a big enough struggle without feeling like I am neglecting my family for my work. Anyway, I hope no one takes this as I am complaining about my photography. I am thankful for the blessing Heavenly Father has given us for me to accomplish this. I see him blessing us in new ways so I need to devote my time and passion to my family again. I am excited for the new year though, for meeting new people and all the fabulous photos I will get to take.

Just an update so you don't have to come to the same old post again. Loves.

Ready, Set? GO!

As of today, we are OFFICIALLY waiting for our first foster care placement through the state. We had our final interview, and turned in the final clump of the mountain of paperwork to the worker and we are finished and waiting.

What does this mean? Well, it means we are still hoping to adopt, that isn't changing. What it means is that we will be helping little children who are displaced from their parents for various reasons. Whether it be neglect, abuse, parents on drugs, failure to thrive, etc. While we are considered foster parents there is the likelihood, with each case that a child that comes into our home may stay indefinitely. Chances are, probably not. The State of Utah has a really high rate of reunification, and the goal of the foster care system is not adoption, but instead to help parents get on the right track to keep their children. This is not to say that we may never be able to adopt with the state, the chances vary so much.

So, I ask you, each of you out there to just remember us in your prayers, once, maybe tonight that the right child(ren) will come into our home, and that hopefully we will not have to have our hearts crushed too much if our sweet baby/child is to come to our home through foster care. Either way, I am excited, eager, and undoubtedly ready for this quest and can't wait to add another brother or sister into that little line up, up there!

Hoping to Adopt (Again) Part 3

Meet Tim, Cassie & Alyssa

If I could use one word to describe Tim and Cassie...H I L A R I O U S !

I met them about, oh what? THREE years ago? Seriously? It seems like I have known them forever. We met this fabulous couple during our adoption education classes when we were first beginning our adoption journey. I think we sat by them, like the entire time? Even then I had this overwhelming LIKE of this couple. A couple of months later I was asked to serve on our local Families Supporting Adoption board, and luckily so were Tim and Cassie. I was so excited to finally get to know them better and to work with them. I fell IN LOVE with them.

I remember when they were announced to (told that Alyssa would be joining their family). We were all gathered for a new education class, and their worker pulled them aside. I was like...."Here they go!" I remember sitting breathlessly waiting until they came out of that office. When I saw their faces and the tears, I lost it. And I lost it the other day when Cassie retold it.

My heart has ached this past year for this couple. Who is so deserving, and so wonderful, and yet given so much trial...I want them to have another child so badly!

Tim and Cassie are specifically looking for a child through a Designated Adoption. Meaning they need to find their. own. birth. mother. This is not an easy task. More than likely their adoption will be private. So, their situation is a bit different, so if any of you out there may know of a birth mom who fits this category, let's hook them up!

Good luck on your journey to #2 Tim and Cass!

Hoping to Adopt Part 2

Meet Ron and Jessica.

I had THE wonderful opportunity to meet Ron and Jessica a little over a year ago. I met them through our chapter of Families Supporting Adoption, right as they were finishing up their paperwork (right? I am right? Right?!) What can I say about them? They are funny, witty, honest, and most of all? They love eachother. It has been so fun getting to know them better, and so hard to not see them as parents. Go. Read. About. Them. If you know of a birth mother for them...please contact me, them, us...

If anything, they blog...HE blogs. And that is totally cool.

Birthday.

When I think of the starting of a new year I always think of my birthday. I feel I was a lucky one. (I didn't always feel this way.) Lucky that each new year I get to start fresh with a new year of my life as well. (It sucks having your birthday two weeks and one day after Christmas, and my birthdays haven't always been what I would call memorable...especially a few that stand out in my mind I would like to forget...) As I grow older I appreciate this chance I am given to start some things over in myself, on my special day, and work toward that person who I want to be. One of the things I hope to do this year is learn to "let go". A few of my blog friends have chosen words this year. As I think over what my words might be..."let go" keeps coming to my mind. I need to let go of so many things I have been holding onto, and just BE.

I need to LET GO of MY:

insecurities

incessant NEED to be PERFECT

less than ideal body image

low self-esteem

bad eating/spending habits

excuses

past

need for approval

need of things

impatience

etc...

That list could go on and on and on, and it does, but some things remain in my heart and unsaid. But there is a change about me. I see it in the last two months of my life. My heart is growing, I feel the hand of the Lord leading me, and helping me onto this new path. It isn't always easy to love ME. I find it most difficult to forgive myself. I am looking forward to letting go of so many things in my life, and holding tight to so many missed opportunities because of these other things which have been clouding my eyes.

Looking forward to the wisdom that comes with each passing year. Hoping to find some extra this time around.

Hoping to Adopt Part 1

Meet Andrew and Sarah.

In my first installment of Hoping to Adopt, I would like to introduce you to Andrew and Sarah. I met them through the lovely Mrs. R. While I hardly know them, I feel impressed to share a little of what I do know about them. They are desperately wanting a child, and they have one of THE best "how did you meet" stories EVER. I had the opportunity to meet them In. Real. Life. a few weeks ago when Mrs. R and Mr. R. were sealed to Mr. T. I can only say the best about Andrew and Sarah. There is a spirit that radiates from them. There is a sweet sense of love that shines through them. After meeting them only once and speaking with them for only a short time, my heart aches for them to become parents.

I just ask that if ANY of you out there may know of a birth mother who would be a good match for them, please don't be afraid to SHARE what you feel in your heart.

Forgot to Blog This.

My adorable friend over at The R House reminded me of my cute little pass along card that we sent out this year with our Christmas cards. I meant to post a photo of it right after we finished it, but seriously, we were rushing and pushing to get it finished in time for Christmas. Anyway, I think it turned out wonderfully, and everything just meshed into place. Leisha helped me with the design. So, if any of you adoption friends out there are interested, drop me a line, we can make a fun and creative card for you too. The printer did an amazing job with my not so usual size. They are 3x3 inches with the photo on one side and the information on the other. They are different I know (thank you DT for making this all possible! ) but they say exactly what I wanted them to say. I only have about 20 left and I stare at them everyday. I just love them. I'm weird I know. :(

Anyway, just wanted to share!

Snow Day.

Really wanting the time for updates. Life has been busy here. Hopefully may slow down by next week. I started school today so that is probably a huge joke. But one can hope right?

Just wanted to give you something for coming all the way here. Hope you are all enjoying the new year.

Love finding things like this.

Thanks.

I knew I liked Ron and Jessica.

My heart is full. So many thoughts that run through my heart and mind for so many of my dear friends. I love you guys.

Photoshop

I definitely have a love/hate relationship with this program. As a photographer, I become really frustrated, sad, even depressed at times when I search sites and come across amazing images and wonder, "How can "I" ever do that?" It isn't so much an envy as it is my brain not being able to wrap my thoughts around how a particular photographer does something, figures something out, when I feel like I am ten steps behind. Part of this is that I love the simple, the actual, and I don't like to spend hours and hours messing around with a photo in Photoshop. I guess I am not even sure if that is what people want. Do they want this spectacular image, or do they want themselves? I guess there is no right or wrong. So, this past week I put my camera down, studied a few sites, learned a few tricks, and put them to use. I am not sure if I will ever use them on clients yet. Perhaps, maybe as I grow. But for now, it was fun to play. I picked up the camera today, I was hungering for it, it seems I always wait for the most challenging light (winter isn't helping much in my house...and neither was the quickly moving little girl...) but here is what I came up with. The photos on the left would be my normal edit, the photos on the right would be the play edit.

And yet, I fear that there almost isn't even a difference.

What is wrong with this picture?

Could anything else be more utterly contradicting?