A lot on my mind.

I have had some of those "days" lately. Not bad, just a lot on my mind. Do you ever have those days? Just been thinking about how much I appreciate this man, and all that he does for me. Sometimes I feel like "we" get lost in the shuffle, and that all "I" can think about are the things he isn't doing, or the things I wish he would do. I forget ALL that he DOES do, and it isn't fair of me sometimes. Our life is so full right now, I like to use the term "CRAZY"! (Oh my heck I am using a TON of "quotation marks";) Really though, life is crazy. I know I have said it before, but with school, owning two businesses (which if they ever start paying off will be SO worth it (and they are, in a way...), our beautiful children, and Hubbs working, and then callings, it doesn't leave us much time for "US"! I realized a few weeks ago, that it was up to ME to get things on the right track, that indeed amidst this craziness and constant time of life, we can have what we need, and it has helped ten fold. I have found I am not as impatient with the kids or Hubbs, and that we are happier and have those little disagreements less often, (note I said less often...because I admit we are far from perfect and we DO disagree.) Anyway, just wanted to make a list of things I am doing that have helped US along the way...

Started having regular FHE. Can't tell you how wonderful this has been, words cannot describe, it has also opened us up to having a more organized home, and the kids love it.

Daily Scripture study and little family prayers. Sometimes, because of our schedules it is just me doing it, or just Hubbs with the kids, but for almost two years, almost every day I have been reading out of that little "picture" Book of Mormon to the kids. They never listen, I like to think that something is getting through...who knows. But they prayer thing they get, and when I do it, I feel like if I haven't accomplished something that day, then at least I have done that.

A toy rotation! Oh my word. We just started, but seriously it works. It takes a lot of effort, but we rotate on Monday nights after FHE, and seriously never have I seen the kids play with their toys so much. And FYI if any of my parents read this, PLEASE! NO MORE TOYS for my kids. Savings bonds, money, a book...one book, but NO TOYS! I am SUPER done with toys. LOL!

Chores. I started a reward system for chores. This post is getting too long, so perhaps I will talk about this one later...but the kids do them, and are doing them, and they are EXCITED about it. Ya...will post that later, I recommend.

And finally, almost no TV. Seriously, I accomplish so much, my kids use their imagination, and I just feel better since we don't watch TV (not that we have time to anyway, but turning it off instead of even resorting to it for "babysitting" purposes has made a world of difference!) (Wha? You say you have NEVER turned on the TV to entertain your kids. Call me...I need to know your secret. I swore I would NEVER do it, and I admit I have done it more times than I should have...but I have stopped...I am so happy to say that I have stopped.)

And that is it. Tiny changes that have made a world of difference. Our home is cleaner, we are more patient parents, everyone knows what is expected of them, and if something isn't done, we know who needs to do it, and we help them through it. It has been a wonderful few months since this went into action. Loving it...now if only I can keep my gym schedule among all of this craziness, and kick the food cravings!

And about this man:

He gets up in the middle of the night with the kids. If the kids cry, he does it. He sleeps on the floor in their rooms if they need it, just so I can sleep. (BTW, he LOVES sleeping on the floor...he is a bit odd in this regard, but I love him.)

He doesn't complain often when I just want to "go out" for dinner. I know he hates spending the money, but he goes along with it, this I am grateful for.

He is a constant support of my desires. I know he wants me to be happy, he supports me in school, pushes me to move forward. Is happy when I accomplish my goals in photography, and even though he wanted nothing to do with me going to Hawaii, he doesn't complain! Thank you honey! I'll bring you back a nice shirt. ;)

He always knows what I am thinking. I am amazed at how often we say the same thing at the same time, or are thinking the same thing. We truly are kindred spirits.

He looks totally hott in that sweater. I finally talked him into it, only four trips to the store and he took the bait. I love you honey! Forever.

In the trenches...

TARGET.

F-O-U-R

Happy Birthday Little Man.

He turned four today. FOUR...4. I cannot believe I have been blessed with him in my life for four years. I am so thankful for him. He is my sunshine, one of my very best friends, my heart and soul. I am always amazed at how well he knows me. His intelligence astounds me, his abilities in all things are remarkable. I cannot wait to watch him grow, and learn...and to love.

These photos are from our ward Halloween party. They said no scary costumes...Mister chose to be a skeleton this year. I wasn't sure if that was considered scary or non-uplifting so I talked him into wearing one of his dress-ups (thanks Claudia). Upon discussion of said costume choice he said, "Okay mom...but you have to do my hair like Superman, like this...(visualize hand swooping motion over forehead in circular manner representing curly cue omnipresent on one superman extraordinaire)." Um ya, my jaw hit the floor...how on EARTH would HE know how SUPERMAN does his hair?! Oh my word...! LOVE HIM...LOVE HIM! Have I said how much I love him. Anyway, so this was the final product...he looks a bit off in this photo because he was FREEZING...but oh so cute, I just wish it wasn't so blurry, but I'll keep...

Anyway, we had a really fun day today, we went through his baby book, talked about him when he was "little" watched Transformers, went up to the Copper Mine, headed over to Toys R Us so he could choose his toy (he chose a Transformer, tried talking us into two, claiming he needed two to "fight" hehehe...he only got one (although had I been alone I would have given in.)) Then he chose "Pizza, without salad on it" for dinner...come to find out "salad" is anything that is green. Hmm. And then a cake...chocolate. It was a good day! Happy Birthday Buddy, I love you FOREVER!

And one of Miss, just cause she's cute...and today we were getting her dressed and she said, "What the FREAK?!" Ya, all on her own, thanks Flav!

Quiet moments...

...captured forever. Why I do this, why I do so many of the things that I do.

Him

This says it all. He loves to draw. He will come to me and ask me to draw something, so I will, then he will go into his "office" and draw the same thing, down to the last detail. I wish I had photos of these to share, I hope to get to it one day, and publish a book of his art for Christmas.

I feel there is nothing that he cannot do in this life if he works hard and puts his mind to it. Perhaps this is normal for all parents, but in him I see so much possiblity. The things he says, and does, his observance to life is mind blowing. He is so perceptive to things temporal and spiritual. He sees a need and he fulfills it, he sees something he wants and he goes after it. He loves learning, he feasts for it. I admire him for so many, many reasons. At four he is my protector, my helper, and I can only imagine how he will be ten years from now...

This photo...

I love. One of the best friends I have ever known. So utterly blessed to be his mother. Somedays I wonder, "Why me?" and often I wonder if he deserves better than me. He is my heart, he makes me laugh, smile, and tear...so full of love for him. Wanting so much for him. I'll keep...forever!

IKEA

Going through some more summer photos, and forgotten I had taken these, love them.

The girl loves her potato, as long as it is fried, crisp, tot-like, she'll eat it.

Rarities:

Sometimes, when we're growing we think we don't 'need' a nap, for some it happens when they are two, others four. Mine is almost four, somedays he naps, somedays he doesn't. This was one of "those" days...

And this one? NOT a sound sleeper at all. She sleeps well, but will not fall asleep anywhere but her own bed. She had just woken up from a nap, and I came home to find her like this: She fell back asleep. This has not happened since she was three months. I was so utterly jealous.

Life...

Found these tonight as I was going through some stuff. I have been trying to organize my scrapbook room (haven't unpacked since the move). I just have an overwhelming feeling to get back into it. Anyway, need to print off almost a years worth of photos. I know horrid right?

Just loved these, even though sometimes I don't love myself, they said so much about me, to me...I needed that today:



They were taken a few months ago, right after we moved into our new house. I remember it was a Sunday, just us, how we are. I keep thinking of how much I love these little spirits, and how much I long for another one to join us, and yet, enjoying every minute of them in the process.

This past week has been pretty busy. You can tell by the photoblog that I have had session after session after session. I love it though. I have learned a lot and I am continually learning about me. I feel that Heavenly Father gave me this gift and I am using it, and it is blessing my life and the lives of those I photograph. It is something hard to explain, yet something that is completing a part of me.

School is keeping me busy. It is a bit stressful, but not to the point it was this past summer. I never want to enter an abyss like that again.

My kiddos are very sick this week. J wasn't able to go to school at all. I took him to the doctor and found out he had a sinus infection, ear infection, and a double eye infection. My heart is just breaking for him. It is funny, but I have never had him on any medication in FOUR years!? This is his first time on antibiotics. So weird for me...but good I think. Little Memms came down with much the same thing I fear today. I knew eye infections were really contagious, but she is exhibiting all of the other symptoms of big brother. I just don't know what to do with my feverish, eye boogie carrying kids. Hug and love them, and be grateful that after Saturday morning I have a week off from sessions and can focus on just them!

Anyway, there is a little update for all of you. Thanks for the e-mails inquiring how we were doing, and where I was. We're still here plugging along! Hope you all are too!

"Nursemaid's Elbow"...

...a fancy term for: "you suck at parenting, way to go and dislocate your kid's elbow, nice going stellar parent!" Or in other words, today was a bit of an upsetting day (at least for an hour). We dropped J off at preschool, and decided to head over to the mall to get a book and a video we have had our eye on since conference. Well, it was me, Hubbs, and Memm. I think in the last year and a half, this is the first time that Hubbs and I went anywhere alone with just Memm. Well, Memm has this thing she likes to do called: "Drop my weight and create my own "wheeeeee" game!" You know what I am talking about right? Every parent has done it. I know Casey has. Anyway, playing the 1-2-3 game wasn't even the culprit. It was a fit Miss threw after we had to take her away from the 75 cent fake pony ride...she wanted to ride it and I didn't want to wait for the four other little kids waiting in line to finish. Anyway, Hubbs grabbed her hand and we all started walking out, that is when Miss threw herself to the ground and did a 360 while Hubbs still had her hand in his. We didn't realize anything was wrong until we got in the car and I handed her a book and she grabbed her left hand with her right and tried to "open" the book. She was crying and crying. I looked at her wrist and swore it was sprained/dislocated/hurt really bad...she kept crying and holding it. Anyway, went straight into our pediatrician, (man, I love my ped office! AMAZING staff, amazing doctor...really never had a bad experience with them EVER!) they got us in literally THREE minutes after we walked in and it wasn't her wrist it was her ELBOW! Crazy, the doc told us it is usually the elbow when parents think it is the wrist. Anyway, none of this was a big deal at all. I was very calm, just feeling a little bad about her being in pain, but she is fine now. But I guess once this happens, it can happen more commonly. So, anyway...no more playing 1-2-3 at our house! :( Sad cause I really love that game.

Memm

Sometimes very serious...always thinking, doing, playing, reading, talking, hugging, caring...love her a lot.

Arrrrr....

THE funniest thing I have seen in a LONG time...

Saw this and was rolling on the floor laughing so hard I could not breath.

ME!

Photograph Courtesy of Reed Photographic

It has been a while since I have done this, posted thoughts, deep things of my heart. I feel so very blessed for the life I have lately. Things have been stressful indeed, it always seems like one thing after another, after another. I feel like I have let some people down, but then again, feel like I have done some wonderful things...hoping all of that evens out in the wash.

The last week or so I have taken some major inventory of my life. What is important? What isn't? What can I do more to be on the track I want. I thought back to a time in my life when I had it "all together" back then I was waking up early, going to bed at a decent hour, attending the gym, eating right, taking the best care of Jay (he was a year old) and I was organized, studying the scriptures, and fulfilling my duties as a primary teacher. Granted, I wasn't in school and I wasn't running a business and keeping my husband going with his business, but all of that aside, I determined last week that I need to do more, be more, and feel the happiness I felt back then when I had it all together.

Just to share with you a bit of what I have been doing, hopefully it may inspire someone else, and may continue to give me the strength I need to move forward in my quest. About a month ago I gave up soda. Seriously that was a struggle for me! I loved me a Dr. Pepper. I get headaches a lot and would always use soda as a crutch. I still get headaches, but I feel like I am medicating myself less frequently, whether it be with a soda or Excedrin. I noticed that once I gave that up it was easier for me to make other changes, eating less, eating better (SO not EVEN close to being perfect, but BETTER!) and slowly over the course of the time I quit I have been able to talk myself into being more active. On Saturday I ran further than I have ever run before in a single stretch. I am not a strong athlete, nor runner, but for me this was a victory. Since then I have been able to talk myself into running 15 more yards everyday. This is so hard, it is a very mental thing. Every one I talk to who runs tell me how mental it is, just getting yourself to that place is so very hard. The first day I went back I had my mind in that place, but I have to admit it has been a struggle. I am not an everyday runner, but plan on keeping it as part of my exercise regimine and doing a little more to improve myself and push myself. I just feel better (albeit beat, but better!) I am also doing more of the group classes at the gym, I am not sure what my physical goals are, just anything I can do to improve myself all the way around.

This is really personal, but Hubbs and I have decided to do Foster Care in hopes of getting our next child here sooner. We have been "finding" a birthmother for five months with LDSFS and have heard nothing. No phone calls, no e-mails. My heart is aching. This is such a hard thing for me to share, since I feel a lot of questions and judgements from people because of it, "Why are you adopting, can't you have your "own" children?" "Why can't you just be happy with the two you have?" The answers don't come easy. I think about them all the time, but it just comes down to the fact that I don't feel like we are done. I honestly and completely feel like there is one more child to join our family. The only way I can feel at peace is to do all that I can to get them here. I imagine the feelings would be the same had I adopted J and Memms, and feel like no matter what I am in the right place in my life. This does not go without saying I am not fearful, I think like most couples we just don't want to wait for years and years. I don't want to be holding onto something for so long that it consumes my life, that when I look back I regret losing time for even a second with my little ones now. So, even though my heart is aching I am trying to focus my energy onto J and Memm, and hoping that while I do that someone out there can help us find our next child soon. We are so happy, and for the first time in a while I am feeling hopeful that a change is coming.

Life is good despite the slowing real estate market. We have been blessed to have a few clients in Hubb's back pocket to get us through this slump, and through it all we are able to make ends meet. This is a true testament to me of how mindful Heavenly Father is of our little family. We are making it work and I am thrilled, something I wasn't sure was going to happen when we moved into this beautiful home. I am so happy here, I just feel so good to be home and with our family, it is just so nice.

I have been reading, like CRAZY. Even with all of that I am impressed at how much I am getting accomplished. I am a reading addict. I just finished the Stephanie Meyer series, SO GOOD...I highly recommend that series. To be honest, and I am not sure why, I hated the first book and a half, but by the second half of two and #3 I was hooked! Definitely cannot wait until #4 comes out next fall. I just finished The Glass Castle. I recall seeing a show about Jeanette Walls and her family a few years back. I am so impressed with her memoir, a very good read, and a very good kick in the butt for the rest of us. If you have some time, I suggest you pick one up.

Well, that is about it, how is that for an update on ME? Hope things are going wonderfully for the rest of you!

Hat, hat, hat, HAT!

I am so thankful for the things I have learned in the past few months. Things that have helped me in my photography, in my life. So thankful for this little man, for the person that he is, for who he makes me want to become!

BLUE

Some more summer delights. Jay loves the color BLUE...when he got his hair cut he got some blue hair spray put it, when he woke up from is nap that day it was EVERYWHERE...popped them into the tub and got these. Love that face on Jay...and that "cheese" from Memm...perfection.

Random Goodness

Not sure when I took these. They got lost in the shuffle of my crazy summer perhaps. Went through them today. So random. Not even sure what the objective was, if there even was one. I am always amazed at how random my photography is. Some days so great, other days I think "what was I thinking"? Somedays saturated, some days not much color, some days light, some days really contrasty. I seem to love it all, and wonder if I will ever find "my" place. Love these kids though. I remember this day, so happy to have it captured, just love them. Love them so very, very much!