Memories of Grandpa Crawford

Talk given:
Friday, May 8, 2009

I don’t normally ‘drink’ but today I am honoring one of my most favorite men ever. I don’t remember a day growing up where he didn’t have a Coke in his hand! Every morning when he would get ready for work, he would have at least six with his lunch. I think I realize now why Grandma always gave us her Diet Cokes…she must have had to spend a small fortune keeping Grandpa in Coke!

There have been many sleepless nights this week as I thought back on what I could share with you about such an amazing man. I will be brief in my words, but hope that you can feel what a powerful influence he was on my life, on all of our lives, and I would just like to share with you the five most powerful things I learned from him.

The first:

He gave me the blessing of the Priesthood in my life. In essence, Grandpa was not only known to my heart and to me by the title of Grandfather, but he was in all aspects to me a “father”. He was like a dad to me.

When I was a baby, he gave me my name and a blessing.

When I was very sick at the age of 2 ½ he came to my home one night, when I was a very very sick girl. I can remember some images of that night, he was one of them. There is no doubt in my mind that I am here today as a direct result from his blessing upon my head.

He was there for me again a few years later when we were three-wheeling in the snow. He was pulling kids around on tubes hooked to the back of the fun machines, while I was sitting on the three wheeler. I don’t recall if he was driving, or who was at the wheel, but somehow we stopped short and my head kept going…right into the handlebars. I still have a scar in proof of the day. I remember being carried and being laid in my aunt and uncle’s gold van by two big hands. I was cared for that day by two big strong hands once again.

A memory of the Tabernacle in Salt Lake City comes to mind. I remember entering that warm, warm water and walking across the font into those loving, strong hands, and being baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I remember many strong hands, his were a set of them, placed upon my head to confirm me a member of the church.

The second thing that has stuck with me

throughout my life:

…and I mentioned it a few times, were his hands. He had the most AMAZING hands. They were SO SO big. They were so strong. I remember as a child, sitting on his lap, or laying with him on the floor watching television, and just looking at his hands, caressing them, and comparing my tiny hands with his.



Grandpa was a mechanic. So it goes without saying that his hands were always “dirty”. It was a sign of hard work, the sign of a man who loved his job. The most amazing thing, and the hardest thing to watch over the past twelve years, was to watch his hands become clean over time. As I would go visit him at the VA, I would still caress his hands, hold his hands and compare mine to his…but the thing missing was the dirt. I could never get over my astonishment. I learned from my husband that if you are truly happy in a job, you will want to do it forever, literally. For my husband’s father he cuts hair. Someday he hopes to cut Heavenly Father’s hair. It is my hope that someday Heavenly Father will let my Grandpa work on his car so that when he greets me after this life that I will recognize his hands again because they will be covered in dirt.



The third thing he taught me?
How. To. Swear.
I recall many a Sunday afternoons waiting for Grandpa to get home from his church meetings. Grandma would have dinner ready and waiting for him. He would walk through the door, throw his scriptures and say, (and I am editing this because I am in the chapel) “Darn it all to hell!”

Other times we often heard, “Oh Shiz” or “Aww Hell”quickly followed by my Grandma’s “Lloyd!”

I guess living across from them as long as we did; something was bound to rub off.
I swear like a soldier at times, and I owe that all to my Grandpa…a habit, like Coke I am still trying to quit.

The fourth thing I take from him:

…is his love of art. As we have heard today, Grandpa was a wood-worker. He was a true artist. I remember him helping my brother with his Pinewood Derby car for Scouts. I remember watching the race of that car in the basement of this very church. Grandpa was so proud of his Grandsons! I also remember him helping Marcus with other Scouting projects. One being knot tying. He was always eager to help us with school projects, and I still have a clay sculpture of the Delicate Arch he painted for me.



I was SO jealous of the day he took Marcus out and let him USE HIS CAMERA! Even at my tender young age, I saw how proud my Grandfather was of his beautiful camera. I too had that love, even back then. I have taken what he loved and made it my own, and to this day I find much solace and moments of reflection behind my lens. I owe my love of photography to him.



I feel so blessed to have inherited some of his talents.

Finally, and most important I take away:

…his love for his FAMILY.



When I learned of his “courting” my Grandmother, I am amazed. I am amazed to see their old fashioned love, and to have taken that into my own life. I love the story you will hear of the Seminary Social. Love his absolute devotion to my Grandma, and so thankful that I have found someone like him to love me for all eternity!

His love extended to all of us. Every single one of us in this family was loved and adored by him. I can imagine his happiness when his Grandsons were born…but I know that he no less loved each one of his granddaughters with the same adoration.

I was blessed to have spent so much time with him as a younger child. He and my Grandma were there for my mom and for us.

I am sure that there were times when he came home from work, and all he wanted to do was spend time with his beautiful wife…and there we were.
But he never let us know that. We never felt that.
He was always so loving, he let us watch his television and drink his Cokes…and he would play with us.

He taught me to sing to my babies.
He sang to me. He sang to me often, and in honor of him, and to give him my answer true, I want to leave you with the song he used to sing to me almost daily when I was growing up. I love you Grandpa. Until we meet again:

“Grandpa, Grandpa…here is your answer true.
I’m half crazy all for the love of you.
I don’t need a stylish marriage…
I don’t even want a carriage.
We’d look sweet upon the seat of a bicycle built for two.”

Only...

...one more day of emotional drainment and I'll be back.

Had some really neat experiences regarding my
Grandpa and his passing.

Can't wait to share.

For now?

Sleep.
Yes please!

According to...

...random.org the winner is:

"Amber Ro said...

Oh, I would love to win...amsrobbins@gmail.com"

Congratulations Amber!

Your certificate has been sent to you.

Remember to redeem it by Saturday, May 9, 2009 to get your prize.

Thank you to all who participated! SO glad I didn't have to choose the winner!
And a special thank you to
Goldsmith Co. Jewelers
for the generous gift.

Hope you all got your pearls and started your Pandora bracelet.

(I am off for a few days as my grandfather passed away on Sunday night.
My family needs me as we prepare for his funeral.
See you after Friday. Loves to all.)

Goldsmith Co. Jewelers $50 Giveaway!

Attention Blogging friends!


Me and the ladies (Leisha and mrs. r) at the red carpet event! Hawt.

Remember all the joy I shared with you about my new necklace and bracelet?
Well, I wore my necklace all day cleaning, and
"Princess" was an understatement.
Who says we can't be
June Cleaver?
Although I did leave the dress and heels in the closet.

Anyway, hope you are all on your way to pick up your strand!

Who wants to win a $50 Gift Certificate to
Goldsmith Co. Jewelers?


Wishing we could really crack the safe.

Wanna know how?

Here are the deets:

• The contest ends May 4, 2009 at 11:59 p.m. MST
  
  
• Comment on this post anytime between now and Monday night, LEAVE your e-mail address! If you don't leave your e-mail address, I won't know where to send the certificate. Got it?
  
  
• If you want extra chances to win, make a post and link back to this post on your Facebook, Blog, or Twitter (follow me while you're at it @kimsueellen).
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• I will draw and announce the winner on Tuesday morning.
  
  
• The Gift Certificate MUST be redeemed at Goldsmith Co. Jewelers by Saturday, May 9, 2009 since it is a gift for Mother's Day.

Have fun...hope you win!

Hearts on Fire diamond ring. (Cost? More than my car.)

And if you win, would you consider sharing it with me
so I can put it toward this ring that mrs. r is wearing?

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120 N. University Ave.
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Tel: (801) 375-5220

Store Hours
Mon to Fri: 10-6
Saturday: 10-6
Sunday: Closed

Last night I had THE most amazing opportunity to get my first piece of REAL jewelry, which I LOVE, and I want to give you, my lovely readers the same opportunity for Mother's Day.

This is what I got, and I am IN LOVE:



A Pandora Bracelet

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Here are a few of my faves:

I must admit I am partial to the ones that dangle...

SWOON.
This is the first bead I got to go on my new love. Ahhh, can't wait to go back and get more!

Really can't wait for my bracelet to resemble something like this!

D-vine!

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School Daze--TI-89

So, our next installment of School Daze brings us to my Sophomore year in high school.

Let's just get it out in the open that I suck cheese at mathematics.

It is my WORST subject, I was even better at P.E. than I was at math this says a lot.
I can't remember the actual term for the particular mathematics is that I took in 10th grade, but it was some sort of "Algebraic" concoction.

I pride myself on remembering the names of people and events from my past, but for some reason, perhaps to protect the innocent the name of my teacher eludes me.
So, I will get on with the story. I do recall he had a lisp, my teacher...if anyone out there can tell me his name, I will send you some bubblegum.

****Edited to note: Marci wins the bubblegum...it was Mr. Reynolds! Marci, see me after class.****

Anyway, here I am, 15, at a new school, half of my friends went to another school and I am sitting in Algebra 2.0 at the beginning of the year knowing absolutely NO ONE, and up the isle being passed up to me from the back comes a graphing calculator.

What the H is a graphing calculator?
I had no clue...dood
I was from the West Side...we had no such wonders known across the valley.
Anyway, "written" on the calculator were the words:

"Kim, will you go to Homecoming with me?"

Uhm. Okay, firstly, who the H sent this? Secondly, I don't know how to respond via said calculator. Thirdly, I am only 15 and I know that my parents would not approve of my going on a date before my 16th birthday...(my religion encourages youth to start dating at 16).
Panic sets in. PANIC.

I look to my left, then to my right, then I look back...and I see the culprits.

They are laughing. Laughing?! Why the H are they laughing?
With all the bravery in my little body--it once was little, I stand up and walk the calculator back to the two laughers and say,

"Is this yours?"

Then dorkily and red-faced I slink backto my chair shaking and hating life at that very moment.

A ton goes through my mind:
Were they serious? Why were they laughing?

I go home and tell my mom of the incident.
Incidentally I need a graphing calculator for class so she takes me out and gets me the most up to date, crazily hard to operate and manipulate calculator of all TIME:
the TI-89.
She instructs me that the next day in class she wants me to type back a response to the laughers...on my calculator.

So, I do it. I politely decline the "invitation" to the dance on the new beast of a calculator...and pass it back.
Jaws drop to the floor...what is this?
THIS? THIS CALCULATOR?
No one from the East Side had such a wonder...but this girl...she has one!

It shut them up.
They both claimed they were "kidding" about the dance asking.
To this day, I am not so sure.
I think I really burst someone's bubble.
For the remainder of high school, these two particular boys were always acting strangly around me.
Sometimes I wonder.
I think they both were secretly in LOVE with me...at least that is what I tell myself so I feel better.

As for the TI-89, I never really learned how to use it.
It did get my husband through college though. Accounting, who'da thought?

As for me and math? That was the last mathematics class I ever took, it was enough to get me into college and enough that I shouldn't have to take another class until I actually want to graduate. Can't wait for the tutors.

School sucked.

Thanks mom.

One of the many things...

...I envy about mrs. r:

Her bumm. It is small. I know of no such thing.



Myra and I mocking mrs. r's tiny jeans. Really, we were just totally jealous.





I cry.

Can you believe her pants fit on ONE of my thighs? Oi.

Sending you love today mrs. r. And love to yer bunz.

I honestly think...

...that today, this changed my life.

Ya, I am still alive...sorta.

I *could* say this has been the busiest week of my life, but I KNOW I have had busier.

I also know that it is not going to stop until Friday afternoon, so I am trying not to contemplate on it too much or I will end up in a straight jacket.

Not that the busy has been bad, it has just been, well, BUSY. And, I am tired. Very tired.
BUT I will survive, I always do.

So I will end with this, as I was going through some photos today, I came across these:

My three year old was CLEANING THE BATHROOM.
All on her own.
She moved the stuff to the side, scrubbed down the sink, and the countertops,
(and even the toilet lid...I stopped her from going further).
She was so stinkin' proud of herself.
And I thought she was the most adorable thing on the planet.

Also, she said to me today, (I kid you not, EVERY WORD):

"Mom, sometimes I say that Heavenly Father punishes us (huh?! Where did this come from?) but Heavenly Father doesn't punish us. He just likes to give us rings on our cupcakes."

Truer words...did someone say cupcake?

What the?

Sometimes, especially this week, I cannot fathom why so many seemingly terrible things are happening all around me. Happening to AMAZING people. Ugh.

I hate seeing my friends hurting.
In the course of two weeks I have seen a friend lose a baby, another deal with her baby being very, very sick in the NICU, another friend struggle with legal stuff as well as wondering if her husband will ever find his dream job. Friends I have never met, making decisions about cancer, something no parent should ever have to make. This is just the tip of the iceberg really, I could go on and on and on and on.

Then, things in my own life that I wish would just go away, keep coming back up, like bad Italian.
Seriously, when is enough, enough?

I don't have the answer to that. I wish I did. I had the opportunity to see an old friend tonight. I haven't seen her for 9 years. It was BOMB. The funny thing is, we got talking about my year last year...dood, people, it sucked! It sucked ace. Let's be honest, if this blog wasn't Rated PG13, I may be dropping a few f'bombs about how my year was.

It kills me to think back on it...while at the same time,
I feel so victorious over it.

The trials that seemed to weigh me down, the holes in my walls as proof, now stand as medals of courage and valor, and reminders of where we have come from...and that no matter how bleak things look, there is time to heal the wounds.

Time to break free and hope for something better.
That is it never the answer to give up, but to keep fighting.
Because we all know how cool it is to be a winner.
How thankful I am to finally be on the other side for awhile...to give my hope and heart to those who need it so badly.

I just wanted my friends to know tonight how much I love them.
How often I think of them, and pray for them, and hope for them, and wish the best for them.

• Those who are waiting for babies, both through adoption, and through pregnancy, or hoping for pregnancy.
• Those who have lost their babies do to death and other tragedy.
• Those praying with swollen eyes over their babies whose future is still uncertain.
• Those who watch daily, their little one suffering with cancer (damn brain tumors, damn them!) and are not sure how many more days they will have with their six year old.
• Those who are seeking for peace and finality in their hope to be a forever family.
• Those who really would like to tell their boss to suck it so they can feel a grander scope of what this world has to offer...something other than limbo. (I hate limbo.)

Just praying for you...all of you, with all of my heart. All of it, not one spot left for anything but.

How come...

...after I just finished watching
The Biggest Loser,
I only want to eat
cupcakes?

My kid! Argh!

So, I am having a little problem today with my youngest. She is the sweetest, most gentile, and loving little being so today really came as a shock to me and I am trying to understand why and what to do with her.

After Family Home Evening tonight, which consisted of eating dinner outside, playing, and pulling all the weeds in our new baby grass, I decided our treat would be to walk down to the 7-11 and get Slurpees.

My first mistake was staying outside with Memms and the bikes. (I should have gone inside with Hubbs and J-Man. There was this guy outside the sev with his dog, and he was obviously walking his dog (I have seen him many times.) Anyway, he is a very over-weight guy. Very. So, I start chatting with him a bit...we both say hello, yada, yada, yada. Then, as he is leaving with his headphones on (me praying he didn't hear what came out of Memms mouth) she says:

"Mom! That guy is SO fat!"

She said it loud. I start bawling. Where on earth did my little girl learn this? I know in my husband's culture, his parents are always making one comment or another about how people look (this infuriates me btw) and I am wondering what kinds of things are being said when I am not with my children. I can't help but wonder if this is where she picked it up? Or is it just something that she learned on their own? I am not looking to blame, I just feel awful.

As I gained my composure, Hubbs came out to inform me that they were out of Coke Slurpee and that Memms and I needed to come in and choose a flavor.

He looks at me and I recount what had just happened.
We sit down and have a talk with her, about how it hurts people when we call them names, etc.
(She is the queen of getting upset when people call her names, albeit nicknames, whatnot...she HATES it.)
So anyway, I am HOPING she got it...and praying that this man did not hear her.

Have you ever encountered this with your children? How did you get over feeling like you were the worst parent of all time?

I am going to go eat my king sized candy bar I got instead of a Slurpee, I feel like crawling in a hole and dying of mortification. Maybe if I do this, she will make the comment to me and not so someone else. And believe me, I already know how big my butt is, she has told me. Oi.

Too many days without Prozac.

I hate talking about it. I hate admitting I need them.

I thought I was doing so good.

I had weaned myself off unknowingly.

Then I realized this evening that I really need to keep taking them.

I am super weepy. Obscenely grouchy. And, ULTRA sensitive.

So, tonight, I took one. I am praying that once they hit my system in the next few days I can feel like I can breathe again. How did I ever live without this little kiss of wonder? It hasn't been that long, maybe a week, but dang Gina.
I can't stand admitting I am weak, but perhaps if I do, then maybe others in my situation won't feel so alone, like I feel now.

Tonight I almost wigged out on Hubbs. Well, in my mind I wigged out on him good. I would say "poor guy" but he is fine. Tee hee.
I am SO angry and upset over something so silly.

Why oh why was I cursed with such Biznatchiness?
Is it hereditary?
Am I alone? Please, please tell me I am not. :(
Or perhaps maybe I am just depressed because all of the Easter candy is gone?


ENOUGH of that...

As for happier things, I just totally updated my photography logos, bid'nez card and blog thanks to this lady. Thank you Leisha...you are amazingly talented, I highly suggest you use her!

You may have noticed over yon <------ That I have this cool new button that takes you to my uber cool photography blog. Why just the photography blog you ask? Well, because I am officially announcing that in June 2009 I will have a website up and running. MY website up and running! (I am SUPER excited and stoked at the possibilities.) I can't wait to stare at it all the time. But for now, get your fix here:

(Clicky, clicky.)

Check back often, I have lots of fun sessions coming in the next week...some had to wait because they were surprises. Shhh.

Heart you peeps!

Easter-Licious.

I love, love, LOVE this time of year.
Everything about it.
The rain, the newness of EVERYTHING, the candy.

Oh the candy.

But what I love the most, is watching my kids and all of the excitement they bring back to the simple things in life. Like coloring eggs:

And eating them. Yumm.

So thankful for the plan. Thankful for the sacrifice.

So very much want to have these littles forever...and oh how I plan to!

Easter is the bomb.

I am a "Surprise Cupcake Cone".

What are you?

Mmmm Cupcakes

Take this super fun quiz!

And find out what kind you are...and then go make some!

Delish.

Remembering Them

Love you and thinking of you today my sweet friends.

Read their story in the LA Times.

Tomorrow is Maddie's service. Please wear purple and send positive thoughts and prayers to her family. Much love.

BFF's and Blogging

Moosh in Indy, Hedder, Simply Me. A store window in San Francisco. July 2008

Just finished reading this post at Moosh in Indy.

And now I am bawling.

Been doing that a lot the past two days.

Firstly, thank you to Casey for posting these beautiful words about Heather.

Thank you for actually editing your photos from one of the funnest weekends of my life...photos I have yet to even edit from my own eye.

Thank you for the opportunity to go to BlogHer last year, which allowed me to meet "Hedder" (although I still don't understand a thing you ladies say when speaking lol.) in real life.

I remember when I first started following Heather's blog.

It was when Maddie was about four months old. Back when Heather was still posting at her blogspot. I laugh, I STILL have a blogspot. Go Heather for upgrading!

I remember being so impressed by her wit, her charm, her love, her stamina to face such difficult things and hard trials like that of having a sick bebe.

She did it and she did it with laughter and a smile on her face.
To actually get to meet her in real life was a blessing to me.
Her husband is one of the funniest people I have ever met. They went with Casey and I while we tried on coats, and he had a way of making me feel smokin'. Thanks Mike!
It came at a very dark time in my own life, which is my reasoning for this post.

I am amazed by the outpouring of LOVE that this wonderous blogging community provides. From dealing with my own heartache and trial this past year, to watching the story of Nie Nie unfold, to Tuesday evening when bloggers all over the world united in love to Heather, Mike and Maddie.

Tears overflow. As they should.
This is a Sisterhood of gigantic proportions.
(Okay, brotherhood too.)
What did we do before we had such a strong tie to one another? To people many of us haven't ever met, and probably will never in this life?

I am amazed. See over there <----- just since TUESDAY night, people have given so selflessly in honor of sweet Maddie. Over $20,000. Tears.

I wish with all of my heart that I could have worked life out so that I could be there to support Mike and Heather on Tuesday. To happily wear my purple and show my love to them. I can't. Many, many people cannot. But let's show our love to them in any way that we can blogging friends. Send them a card, a thought, a kind word, anything...show them how much we love them!

Heather & Mike Spohr
11870 Santa Monica Blvd #106-514
Los Angeles, CA 90025


Oh how we need eachother in this realm more than we realize. What a comfort to know that in times such as these that we are no longer alone.

Heartbroken.

My dear friends Heather and Mike lost their sweet baby girl today.

The tears are over-flowing and my heart is wrenching for them.

Please pray for them.

Please donate to The March of Dimes in Maddie's name.

I am in shock. I can't believe she is gone. Oh Mike and Heather, how I love you and am thinking of you and praying for you.

I know there is life eternal.
You will see precious Madds again.

I love you!

If you feel so inclined to send your love and or words of encouragement, or packages,
please do so:

Heather, Mike, & Maddie
11870 Santa Monica Blvd
#106-514
Los Angeles, CA 90025

Also, a PayPal account has been set up to help pay for immediate expenses:

formaddie@hotmomreviews.com

Today...

...I don't want to be the mom. I don't want to be the wife. I don't even want to be me.

(Everything is *basically* okay. Just wanted to make that clear.)

Really, all I want to do today is SCREAM and SHOUT and RUN AWAY.

Do you ever have days like this?

Gah, even as I sit here I am just ANGRY.

I HATE being angry. It is so ugly and so consuming. GAH!

I just want to be her. Carefree, without a worry, without a care.

Was my life ever like this?

Beauty

This is my good friend Nakia. I am using her picture because she is the ONLY one who won't kill me for using it.

A few weeks ago, I was asked to photograph all of the ladies in my ward's Relief Society during an activity.

I have to say this was one of my most challenging and rewarding feats of all time photographically speaking.

I say ONE because
I am constantly growing and changing and challenging myself
in this area.

As I edited these photos, I got really teary. There were super young girls, and older women, and each one was beautiful, and unique and gorgeous in their own way. It was truly eye-opening.

Oh how I would love to share them with the entire world. But I promised I wouldn't.

If you are really intrigued to see them all. The link is here.
E-mail me: kimsueellen [at] gmail [dot] com for the password.

All of these photos were taken after dark, in a small room, bouncing my flash off of a white divider. (The divider was the size of a 20x9 ft wall.)

Hubbs.

This is his version of "putting the groceries away".

Am I the only one with this problem?

A little something I like to call...

1:00 p.m. Church.

Nuff. Said.

Besties

This week has been a little karazay around here. These bebes have been AMAZING. I have worked, cleaned house, napped, and been wonder mom, and these guys?

They haven't complained.

Today I caught them like this:



At first, they didn't even know I was there.

There they were, just rocking together on the rocking chair, munching crackers and talking to each other.

It was pure BLISS to witness.

So I grabbed my camera.

Oh to have a bestie like these have.

Oh how I love.

Oh. How. I. Love.

Anger.

I am appalled. I can't even deal with it today. She should have stayed.

It was his time to go. How dare he talk to MY Filipe like that. OOo I am seriously ticked.