About "The Thief"

The Thief

A Story of Alzheimer's By Me

The actual story began many years ago, after my grandfather went into the nursing home (I want to say it wasn't too long before Jothan was born) I began taking photographs of our experiences there. This began at a time when I was NOT a photographer, I had no training, and the ONLY camera I did have then was an old Minolta SLR that had belonged to my grandfather.

Mostly the photos we took on visits were the normal ones you would take if you went to visit your grandfather. Occasionally I would stop by on my own to visit with him, and if I had my camera I may snap a few here and there. It was never anything I have shared with anyone. To be honest I am not even sure where all of those photos are now. But I did it for my sake.

Alzheimer's was such a thief to the life of this man. He is the reason I love photography. It was his grandfather that created the love for him (and me), as he was one of the first to photograph Zion National Park. When I inherited his camera, it took a few years for me to actually just DO what I had always wanted to do, since I was little and had seen my grandpa doing it...just taking photos of things that he loved...I wanted to do that too. Once I finally jumped in, I have never been happier. I often times wonder if the thief had not come into our lives what great adventures we would have had together. Would I even be shooting right now? I hope that I would. He would have loved Hawaii. I would have liked to have gone there with him. I think he would be ALL over digital. he would think my tele is the best, that would be his weapon of choice, I have his tele...a Sigma. Wow how Sigma has grown over the years. I remember asking my grandma how much it cost, "A Lot!"

Anyway, so this recent work of mine was really painful for me. For so many reasons. For two years I have been wanting to do this. Needing to do this, but to tell the entire "story" and be photojournalistic about it was more than I thought I could handle. I can't look at the photos without crying. It wasn't until a week ago that I got the call that this may be his time, as pnuemonia is raveging his body, that I needed to go, and that I couldn't wait any longer. I debated on if I could do it, I almost hired a photographer friend of mine to capture this for me. Only because I didn't think I could. I did it though. It isn't perfect, but it is what it is and to me it is beautiful.

I learned something great that day. Jothan was so sad/nervous. He didn't know what was happening, he asked me, "Mom, can I take a picture?" So I just metered for him for a while and let him compose and shoot. Then finally put it on Av mode and let him go. The things he saw, the way he saw them...tell another story...I'd like to share:

He took this one of me. I love it for so many reasons. He has this "natural eye for composition". Something my first photography teacher said to me, that was one of the greatest compliments I have ever been given and I am happy to give it to my son.

My grandfather. There is just something about this one. Even on Av mode it turned out. I love it. The line, the composition.



This one just gets to me. It makes me feel trapped...then he began shooting things outside.


These speak to me.


I'm taking away from this the hope that my son will grow to love what my grandfather and I love so much. That one day he can capture all of the things my papa didn't have a chance to do.
We had a very sacred experience last week, my grandmother told us a remarkable story about a blessing that my grandpa's home teachers, who themselves are frail and in wheelchairs gave to him. And after more than eleven years of wondering why, now we know!

I know you didn't have to read this, if you did I hope you take away some small appreciation for life, for memory, for your little ones. Hug them close. I needed to keep this memory for me most of all!

Well...

Now that I have been officially brought to tears for the second day in a row, and sadly half of the people who read this blog have already read "the" post...I know a lot of you have, proof is in the countless phone calls and e-mails I have received in the past hour.

I was hoping to announce to everyone sometime next week after I had my next appointment, (I had a really fun way of telling you all) but now is as good a time as any... yes it is true.

To answer all of your questions I am delightful to say that I am 16 weeks pregnant. Two weeks ago (about the same time I was going to tell the world) I began to have some complications, and worrying that things might not be top notch, wanted to wait two more weeks until my appointment.

So, as of right now, everything is okay.

Yes, our caseworker with LDSFS knows, we no longer have our paperwork into adopt.

As long as everything goes well, this will be our last baby.

I just want to share a bit of the sacred experience that I feel brought us to this time. It is our experience, I don't expect anyone to understand or to feel what I know in my heart. We have worked SO hard the past two years to welcome another child into our home. We put our paperwork in for an adoption, we went through all of the classes and paperwork to become Foster Parents. I feel like we have done all that we can do. In December I had a very good appointment with my doctor, who told me at that time, "Go home, I think you're ovulating!" And three days later, as we sat in the bishop's office during tithing settlement, he asked if he could leave a blessing on our family. He said THE most wonderful prayer. I felt the spirit so strong, I do not doubt that this was the day our little baby held onto life...and a few short weeks later we were blessed with the news that we were expecting a baby.

So now you know.

I just want to take the time to personally thank each and every one of you for your help and support on this journey. Especially the r house who tirelessly has handed out our passalong cards. Along with countless others who helped us on our journey the past year. I had no clue that a month after we sent out our Christmas letter that we would find out we were expecting. I often wonder about Heavenly Father's plan for me. It would have been so much easier to not have gone through what we have endured. I just want to make it clear that you don't get pregnant the second you put in your adoption paperwork. That is just silly and an uneducated thing to say. I only wish that were true, not only for us but for the hundreds of eager couples waiting to adopt a baby. It was not an easy decision not to tell our friends and family right away. With my other pregnancies it was never a big deal, everyone knew the second we did. We just barely told our own parents that we were expecting. For some reason this time around we just felt we needed to wait, and when the timing was right we knew. I felt that again two weeks ago as we were about to share our happy news, but again the time wasn't right. Thank you for all of your prayers, warm thoughts, and well wishes on our behalf.

There is a purpose to everything. I have been brought into lives that I needed to touch, and been brought into lives that needed to touch me. I am so thankful to be a member of FSA, and hope to continue to serve and help teach the world about adoption. Look at my linky list, I have a whole bunch of friends over to the left who need your help. Please don't forget them!

Much love!

As I sit here...

...on a late Sunday evening, working on a little project for my little brother, I hear above my head in the room upstairs, my sweet husband singing lullabies to my babies.

Now, if that is not a sign of a true man...

Haleiwa, Hawaii

So, there is this town on Oa'hu, called Haleiwa. I am sure if you have ever been to Oa'hu you have been to this town. Holly and I went almost EVERY night for some reason or another. The day before the workshop (I know it was Sunday...I have to say I was paying my "tithing" just not to my church. ROFL...) we stopped through the little town. There is this little church there that does this "Huli, Huli Chicken" every Sunday. It is like a weekly fundraiser. There is just this huge BBQ with this amazing dood just standing out in the heat making the chicken. They baste the chix with a fertilizer spritzer from Ace Hardware. Ace definitely is the place, 'cause man, the chicken was goooooooooood!
It doesn't look like much. I got this and a bottled water for $5. This is what they call 1/2 a chicken. Holy cow, did I mention how good it was? Huli Huli sauce is like a mixture between a really sweet teriyaki and I dunno...heaven. (I love chicken so...).
Anyway, the thing about this place is...well it seems to be a kick'n place. I saw this huge set up of band equipment, this church must rawk out during services.

They send you out back to eat your chicken on some picnic tables and this is what you see roaming around your feet:
I don't think he was too excited that we were eating his friends. They sure tasted nice tho.


The day before our trip we heard that THE best place to get Shave'd' Ice was at Matsumoto's. I guess the place has been around FOREVER. This sign dates to 1976...so we're talking longer than that. I'm not one for 'snow cone like creations' but this, holy cow this was GOOD SCHTUFF!

So love the '70's feel of this sign. I really wanted a Matsumoto's hoodie but couldn't talk myself into it. It really was all it was cracked up to be and more...
You may or may not be aware that Adam Sandler is one of my FAVORITE actors. 50 First Dates which just happened to be filmed in Hawaii is probably one of my all time favorite movies. While standing in line Holls and I saw this photo. That is Adam Sandler professing his love for the all mighty Matsumoto.
Check out these people...lined up forever. This side enjoying the fruit of the wait...
And mine. Bubblegum. My favorite flavor of anything ever. Since I was a kid it was bubblegum Slurpee's and ice cream from Baskin Robbins. Anyway, what makes this so special? They put a scoop of the most delicious vanilla ice cream on the bottom, so when all of they syrup runs down it makes this yummylicious mixture of bubblegummy Shave Ice goodness.
I've been a little weepy this week. I am missing the Hawaiian warmth and sun. The sun here just isn't the same. I am missing the Shave Ice. I went to Baskin R's twice for some bubblegum ice cream. It just wasn't the same either. Oh well...just gives me a reason to go back!

PLEASE! Take time to read the post below. Tim and Cassie are some of our DEAREST friends, and they need our HELP!

We LOVE Your GUTS!

Kidneys especially.

About 5 years ago, Tim was diagnosed with Kidney Failure. We were surprised, but not shocked because 2 of his siblings also have kidney failure and have had to have transplants.Over the last 5-ish years, Tim has been seeing a nephrologist regularly every 3-6 months as requested by his doctor. They've monitored his B.U.N. and creatinine levels closely and determined late last summer that transplant time was getting close. We then met with a transplant coordinator, social worker, financial coordinator and surgeon. 13 vials of blood were drawn and labs ran. The goal for Tim during this time was to have him ready for transplantation before it became necessary for him to go on dialysis. This included, for us, finding a living donor.We've talked to many people about donating their kidney to Tim. Not asking anyone specifically, but just throwing it out there so people know what's going on and if it's something they would be willing to do, we'd be willing to take them up on it. So many have said it's something they would think about, and we appreciate SO MUCH that they would even consider it.At Tim's appointment today, his doctor had his name put on the waiting list for a kidney. Within the next week or so, we'll have the results of his blood work to know if he'll need to start dialysis. (His last labs read that he was at 12% kidney function, dialysis usually starts around 10% funcion.) As he has been feeling pretty good, we're hoping dialysis will be put off for a few more months.This is where you come in.Have you seen the billboard on the highway that says something like "Donate a kidney/car to the kidney foundation"? Well, if you've been thinking "hmm... I have this spare car lying around, but I also have a spare kidney.... what to do... what to do..." We'd like to encourage the kidney donation. :)Here's what you do.Call Cathy at 801-507-8311 or 801-507-3380.Cathy is Tim's transplant coordinator. She'll schedule a time for you to get a work up done to see if you're a match for Tim.What you need to know.Tim's blood type is A+, however, if you are A+ OR A- you can still be a match. If the sub-grouping is necessary, it will be determined later on.Recovery time for the donor is 4-6 weeks on average. You would be in the hospital for 5-7 days. You can't drive for 2 weeks or lift anything over 20 lbs for 3 weeks.Either our insurance or Medicare covers both the donor surgery and the recipient surgery, so there is no out of pocket cost for you.That's it. So now if you're thinking "I only have one kidney... I'm diabetic... I'm the wrong blood type... I hate hospitals... I'm terrified of needles... Tim? Who's Tim?" I have one more teensy weensy favor to ask to help us out. For all you bloggers out there. Link us! Copy this and post it to your blog, put a link, copy and email to friends and family, whatever. But please help us spread the word and find some new guts for my hubby.If you do decide to be tested, please e-mail me at tim_and_cas@yahoo.com so we can follow up with the coordinator.Whew! If ya got through all that,

THANK YOU!

You can keep tabs on us and the kidney updates by visiting our blog. http://www.thedaysofcassie.blogspot.com/
Thanks Everyone!

Cassie and Tim

Aloha!

Aloha everyone. I am FOB from Hawaii. My sincerest apologies for the lack of blogging. Our lovely hotel (and I say that with all the sarcasm I can muster) who claimed they had wifi, never once did they indeed have internet access for us. So, it is kind of hard to blog when you have no way of bloggin. ;)

Needless to say it was everything Hawaii is cracked up to be. The workshop was amazing, fantastic, and life changing...needless to say, a lot of things will be changing in my vision, my photography, my offerings, and my company. I am really excited to share with you about the workshop as soon as my film is back. I figure it will be more enjoyable to share that experience with you when I have photos to go along.

For now, I am JET-LAGGED and didn't sleep a wink last night and I have two kiddies waiting to be LOVED on!

Missed you ALL!

Sledding Fun

I feel so lucky, I got to take Jothan on a little "date" Saturday. Just me and him. It was WONDERFUL. I have not been sledding since I was LITTLE! He had a blast. He talks about it all the time and wants to go back and do it again and again. I can't wait to take him! It was an activity for our local FSA. It was so fun to spend some time with some of my best friends and just enjoy the day.

I have been feeling like TRASH today. I am getting that cold that is going around, and I am NOT happy about it. I leave for Hawaii in two days and I am really struggling with leaving my family, and getting everything I need done before I go. I hate leaving them. It hurts so bad. I have been an EMOTIONAL train wreck tonight. I don't know why I am doing this to myself. ;)

I am also sad I won't have time to check blogs or to read, comment, or enjoy until I get back. I am hoping that you all understand, and I can't wait to catch up when I get home!

I hope you all have a fabulous week...I will be posting from the beautiful state of Hawaii though, so stay tuned!

Pardon the Interruption.

Casey here. I'm rudely butting my business in at Kim's blog because most of the gentle people at my place won't get the humor I'm about to lay out there. (Mormon humor, it's simply the best.)
This picture is from the moosh's Barbie as the Island Princess coloring book:














Cody pointed out it looks more like a page from the "Heroes of the Restoration" coloring book. As if there were such a thing, is there? There probably is. But it probably doesn't have princesses in it. I'd have a hard time convincing the moosh that it's FUN! to color Prophets throughout the ages.
(If you're not LDS, sorry, the joke is probably lost on you, my apologies.)
But LDS or not I KNOW you'll all understand this one:














This is my husband washing dishes after he cooked dinner.
REAL! DINNER! It involved chopping and sauteing two different kinds of vegetables.
If I didn't have the constant urge to vomit from my new medication I would totally make out with him.

Right, well, as you were.

Week in Review

I wish I had a photo for today. It was a lazy day for me around here. I photographed a wedding yesterday, it has been a few months, I forget how physically and mentally draining they can be. Every muscle in my body hurts. I hurt in places I forgot I had. Looks like I need to hit the gym twice as hard! ;) I had a young woman come and job shadow me. She was SO nice and it was so great to meet her. Hope she decides to come back and maybe help out a few times this summer with the weddings we are booking like crazy.

Luckily, this week I have only had a few mild headaches, hoping that by avoiding some of the things I think have been triggering my migraines, I can avoid them, or avoid as many as I have been having.

We got a new vacuum today. I made the mistake of letting a vacuum salesman into our home the other day, did you even know such things existed? He left the vacuum for a few days. Seriously like four, and Flav, being the vacuum man around here (it is one of his TWO chores) really liked it. The thing can SUCK...it has some massive sucking power, even I was impressed with, never saw anything clean so powerfully even with a FULL bag. YES, the bag was FULL after going over our entire house. Disgusting. So, the dude was trying to sell it to us for this insane amount of money. Flavio, being a terrific sales-person himself talked him down to an insane amount of money on the other end. We vowed not to repeat that insane price. I think we won. Tee hee. Is it strange to be so excited about a vacuum?!

Let's see. My husband made a boo boo this week. Claiming he talked to me about some MAJOR purchase, which, in fact he did not. Oops. I forgive him. I think. ;) Sorry honey, just have to put it out there for the wold that you, in fact, did NOT discuss it with me. I still love you though!

My kids are weeds. WEEDS I tell you. Emms hair has grown an inch overnight I swear. Leaving me the need to put "pretty ponies" in her hair everyday because it is SO insanely long.

I was able to do some presentations for a local junior high school on adoption this week. Miss Carly had asked me to join her. As I had mentioned earlier, with my crazy busy week, it was the last thing I thought I could fit in/do. I am so thankful that I did. I know there was a reason I had to be at those particular presentations, I felt like we really got through to some of the students there. Three girls in particular, two of which had older sisters who were parenting. It was really neat to get their perspective. Also, one young lady in particular who was SO hard at the beginning of the presentation, SO much attitude, who, by the end had softened and was so utterly respectful as to why we were there. It was great. I love to get them thinking, thinking about the statistics between those choosing to single parent, those who choose to abort, and those who choose to place. The numbers are astounding, I like to see the looks in their faces when they realize, in their own words how "messed up" that is. It truly is messed up. I hope that they can take what they learned this week and always keep it close to their hearts, and share that adoption is a beautiful option in this crazy world who would have us believe otherwise. Thanks for the call Carly!

Well that is about it. Long posts with no photos are hard to get through I know...here, let me dig you up an oldie but goodie...

I call this her "ugly face". Sounds mean, it isn't . I say, "Emm, show me your ugly face." She contorts her features until this is what I see. Usually with a lot less tongue and more teeth. Anyway, this is the face she makes when she is "whining". I hate whining but that is another post entirely. Enjoy your weekend. I am off to bed!

A Baby Story

I have been working on some images from this weekend. I got a call late Saturday night/early Sunday morning (whichever you prefer) at around 1:30 a.m. from my gorgeous friend Wendy telling me she had been admitted to the hospital and was dilated to a six. From my experience with both of my pregnancies that can mean one of two things, the baby is going to be a while, or the baby is coming right away. I rushed on over to the hospital and we did what everyone does. We waited and waited. We waited twelve hours, some of them agonizing to watch my friend endure, some of them amazing, spiritual, and life altering.

I remember the day Wendy asked me to capture this for her. It was almost a year and a half ago. Long before she was pregnant, but she knew that she wanted to be a mother, and that she wanted this day captured "the right way" forever. I feel so honored that she trusted me with this huge responsibility. At times I was really nervous if I could hold up to my end of the deal. I worried I wouldn't capture the "moments". As I have been working on these images, tears are coming to my eyes as once again I feel the spirit of that day. This image in particular says so much to me. Wend was on the verge of needing a c-section, and her hubby and I were just praying and praying and praying so hard for her. She didn't want that to happen. She wanted more than anything to be able to give birth and not have to endure a major surgery after so many grueling hours of labor. This tender moment just catches my breath. I have known Wendy for a long, long time now. Many years, she has been one of the greatest people in my life. I look up to her in so many ways. She has been there for me, and I have seen her grow into this amazing woman. She always was an amazing person, but now this spiritual giant! Her husband is amazing, a match for her in the most perfect of ways, he knows how lucky he is and that to me is a testament of what a wonderful man he is.

Hop, hop, hop.

Could this get anymore classic? Halloween jammies, Halloween tote bag, bunny ears. She is not even my Halloween Baby...this one is:
Had no idea he knew how to impersonate a bunny. Way to go dude. You surprise me every day and keep me smiling. One of my BEST friends and favorite people on the planet. So thankful for you two munchies.

As for me...well I had an interesting weekend, and when I can get around to working on a few photos, I will be happy to share. It was good. Just eventful and LONG. For now, because of the length of my Saturday and Sunday, I need to get to bed. Hope everyone is doing well. I have missed blogging, even if for a few days.

New baby goodness.

How cool to have your birthday on Valentine's? Way.



Holla to the beautiful natural light in this facility!

Seriously, one of the most beautiful shots I have ever seen.
Loved this shot. Loved the logo on the back of the t-shirt. (Edited for content.)
Some of our BEST friends in the ENTIRE WORLD had another little baby join their family yesterday on the day of hearts. Tayvie Noon. She is just oodles of fun. Why is that when one of my friends has a baby, all I would like to do is spend all my time over at their house cuddling the little bundle? I think I can wait a few more days to see her again. Congratulations Tony and Lacie. I love her to pieces!

Happy Heart Day!

Try this next time you have nothing else to do...

Anyway, you can go here to figure it all out. Got the idea from Miss Allie. It takes FOREVER, and is only worth it if you can love your handwriting. I may 'redo' mine. When I have another two hours to spare. Just thought it was super fun! If anyone decides to do it, send me your font via e-mail and we can share it with everyone. Have a fabulous day!

A four year old, and a two year old.

So, lately I have been needing to take photos of my little four year old, and my new little two year old. I haven't. There are certain spots I drive by all the time thinking...that would be a good place to do it. Why haven't I? Too freakin' cold here. Then I came up with this brilliant idea. Why not have someone else take them? Someone with UBER talent and inside, WHERE IT IS WARM?

Hence THESE.

I couldn't be happier. She captured something in my children that only I see, but for some reason can't make appear through my lens. I'm not sure why that is, but for her, I am grateful.

Angie is a very talented photographer. I have been following her work for a little over a year. I remember coming across her work and something about her just kept me going back for another look. She is very inspiring to me, and I only hope to continue to grow in my own photography.

Anyway, thank you Angie for these beautiful captures of my sweet ones. It is appreciated more than you'll ever know.

True Story.

"Are you a princess Emmaree?"
"Can I be your knight in shining armor?"
"Emma-wee a Pincess"
"Ya!"

Oh how I love!

Hi.

How is everyone? Thank you all for your concern regarding my recent bout of headaches. I have received some consultation regarding them. I, unfortunately am the last one to take care of myself, (I wonder what you call laying on the couch all day long with a migraine?). I was hit AGAIN today, HARD. I was fine until about 4:00 p.m. and wham! I just had SO much work to do that I had to come in and work tonight. It probably wasn't the greatest plan, considering I have to get up early for a session. But then again, I am not sure I can even sleep, my head is pounding so hard. Anyway, my plan is, try to figure out what is triggering them, if there is anything, and also I am going to start visiting a chiropractor, in hopes that this will solve the problem. Otherwise? I'm going to demand that there may be a deeper problem to these massive beasts.

Sorry for another post about a migraine. Blech. Just want them to move on so that I can post new beautiful photos of my sweet kiddos...

Hope all is well with everyone! Kiss kiss.

Sneaky Peekers

I rarely mix my bloggy blogs, but since I know Lil's checks this blog...thought I would give you a treat. This may very well be my favorite photo, my favorite session EVER. (So, so sorry for all my other clients (this was also the most recent...so there is still time to top it.)) But seriously, have you ever?

Oh, and another thing, Lil, sorry it took me so long to get your photos posted. Let's talk I have had THREE friggin' headaches that have put me out of commish in the past week! Ug.

Enough with the excuses though! Wasn't this past week just great? Even though I have been in an F-U-N-K...looking back it was a really happy, happy week for me. I can't really pinpoint why. I have loved the snow, I have just enjoyed being at home with my kids, and spending more than one lazy day on the couch with them.

How about you guys?

Feeling Bloggily Challenged

Please note: I did not take this photo, I googled Starburst, and this is what I found. I much prefer Original Fruit myself ;)

So I thought I would share with you what I did today. I ate a Starburst. In fact, I ate about eight of them. Why is this significant? It has been 6.75 years since I last ate a Starburst Fruit Chew. Why? Cause the last time I did, I gorged myself and made myself sick. I know you all have a food you associate with that feeling. Well, I have to say, they were just as good as I remembered. I am happy to report I am feeling no ill effects, but will be careful not to over do it since I would like to enjoy another in the near future.

Moving on, I polished my nails today (on my hands). It has been over 3 years. Yes, I said THREE years since I have polished the nails on my hands. Why? Plain and simple I was bored. I came across some polish while rummaging through a drawer. It was clear, so I thought, "What the heck?" And you know what? Holy self esteem, all day I have been staring at them, thinking how pretty they look all shapely and taken care of. I think I will keep it up, at least for a while.
Why is this significant you ask? Well, pitifully enough, I used to be a Nail Technician. People used to PAY me to make their nails look good, and just like a personal trainer...you only go to one who looks good right? Right. Anyway, I have been neglectful. Of my nails and my blog. So, there you go.

Have a wonderful weekend. Ours is going to be full now...(thanks bishop). But that is okay. I am really looking forward to tomorrow night, we are going out with some friends, and I can't tell you the last time we went out...alone, sans children. I might even lug my camera along for the ride.

Hope all is well.

Have you EVER?

Seriously, just saw this, and think I had a coronary.